Jumping on the bandwagon? After I saw a friend's result that was so terribly true.

Name: nicole

Date: 11/30/2009

Colorgenics Number: 51270643
PRINT THIS PAGE
-->
You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'. (This is embarrassing. I think the test delves into my subconscious. Though obviously I have found appreciation "somewhere else". But I am not in need of love and affection! because I have lovely, lovely friends who put up with all my bad behavior. (I have a disgusting tendency to oversleep and be late and not do work.) At this point I'm still amazed they've hung around. This is why they are amazing. :D )

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions. (Agreed! Stubbon. Like a mule. My babysitter used to say that of me when I was three. Above also implies that I am hard to work with, and this might be true, though I'm not sure myself.)

You wear your heart on your sleeve and since you are an emotional person you are apt to give your all - heart and soul - to all those that show you a little affection; but take care - it would appear that you have been extremely hurt in the past and you keep leaving yourself wide open for punishment. (Ha! You got that right quiz! "heart on my sleeve" indeed. Intensely emotional, needlessly so. Also intensely enthusiastic; you know, turn the volume up and keep it there-- it's either at max. volume or mute. )

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification? (AGREES. guilt.)

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves. (Meep. No comment. This is dangerously true. This is why I let the quiz tell you things that I am too human to put up myself! Let a computer do the job of what I am unable to do. I'm taking a "short break" now. Kind of. Though there are rarely breaks %*$?#)

This might answer the "So how are you lately?" question, which I cannot do myself; I always seem to give unsatisfactory answers. I cannot answer that question! Do not ask an indecisive or easily distracted person that question! She will pause for a very long time and proceed to go off on a vague tangent.

It's so HARD not to blog. Really.

So today I went to BooksActually to see Chris Pash, and it turns out I was the only customer who went *just* to see him/ hear him talk about his book. Sad times. Anyway, as I was paying for pooky's SECRET PRESENT, I spot a Who Killed Amanda Palmer atop a shelf.

ME: how much is that book?
BOOKEEPER: --insert weird look-- Um, it's $250. A signed copy. (it is all too obvious that I cannot pay for it.)

But. But. I want a WKAP so bad! *cries*

And when I start asking mr. Chris Pash for an autograph, he talks about his book. Because I am rendered speechless by this opportunity-- I had been creeping around quite suspiciously in close proximity-- he starts using handsigns/ gestures very liberally and mimes out "talking" and "thinking" and "reporters"! The way you would speak to someone who doesn't understand english.

And he remembers my name! Because he signed for only one other couple, who happened to be on the flight with him to singapore. *is starstruck* After that my heart was beating so fast and I was so excited but I had to restrain myself, because it is not socially appropriate to scream at a person. He went "Be sure to add me on facebook!"

He had to do a lot of ridiculous self-promotion though, i.e. say to every person at the counter: "Why don't you read this book? It's a really good book by Mr Chris Pash-- he's a great writer." As no one knew who the hell he was. I think it's also because I haven't seen The Last Whale in mainstream bookstores, so he has to try to promote himself as best as he can, to sell anything. Now I'm more forgiving towards Wena Poon for taking any chance she can get to get her book out there. It's hard to be an author these days.

But honestly? The Last Whale appears to many potential book-buyers as the typical tree-hugger diatribe. The one-sided "green" argument that is becoming cliched. I only bought the book because there were mentions of Bob Hunter and his hippie friends (book is set in the 70s), and their crazy attempts to stop the whale chasers. It's very rare that you see people so passionate about their cause, and so willing to sacrifice their effort and energy to decrease worldsuck. The book is very inspiring, in that effect.

I've also gotten to know more about how the "stop whaling" process goes, because there are many causes that people are contributing to right now, especially in schools as part of CIP, but usually nothing comes out of these awareness campaigns. I'm really impressed that they have achieved a consensus. The conservation process is a lot more than protesting and yelling about; real change comes when you get the attention of policymakers, and seek to communicate with the whalers themselves, to see where they're coming from.

Sometimes though, the tactics they used to get media attention strangely resemble those used in reality TV (balloon boy, anyone?). Such is the nature of real world? One part of me is surprised/ ashamed that they stooped so low, and the other part of me accepts the fact that there is no other way to make your voice heard with today's sensationalised media.

Chris Pash did an event at swf too, but reception there wasn't too good either. It was an amazing coincidence that I went to see him talk, because during that timeslot there wasn't an event at the Chamber, and I just happened to crash his event. Julian and Loki were there too, most likely. heh though they/ other swf people probably don't read this.

Shall I put up a picture of my signed book? YES.


Slowly but surely, I will learn the Code of Fangirling Conduct.

You know, people, *delirious look* I think I have fallen in love.... with the interwebs.

I like how it brings people together! Like um the tessaract? OH, bosh. all of you have read A Wrinkle In Time, right? And there's this part where one of the Mrs Ws takes the end of her dress, stretches it out and goes: "Ok this is linear time and space, where the fastest way between two points is a straight line." and then she puts two corners together and goes: "And this is a tessaract."

Obviously I don't have it word for word, but you get the gist.

Today is a wondrous day, my friends, because Maureen FREAKING Johnson and Sarah Rees Brennan @replied me on twitter! Finally, a reward for staying up till ungodly hours and ridiculously monitoring my twitter feed. This is just like the time jbdazen replied my comment. Ah, the days.

Oh dear. I get happy whenever I get to have contact with someone famous. Like the time I almost fainted in joy when Amanda Palmer opened with "Creep", and it reminded me of a very special moment that I couldn't pin down... until I rediscovered this:

oh dear oh dear I am beginning to sound like the girl in "Oasis":

When I got to the party
They gave me a forty
And I must've been thristy 'cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested I brought along my best friend Melissa Mahoney
Who had once been molested
And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly, but the test came back positive Uh-oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building
There were all these annoying fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them Oh oh

I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crack whore
Melissa had told them
And so now we're not talking
Except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we're still going and oh, oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis sent a photograph
It's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear

I'm quite sure I don't need an abortion though. The last time I checked.
[/random] I used to have a best friend called Melissa! But back then we were too small to know what "crack whore" meant, so it's fine.

oh. And I have this hysterically weepy/ fangirly entry on swf, neil gaiman, amanda palmer and all that. Just that I haven't the time (due to project work, the BMAT) to finish it up yet, and upload the photos. Although they are all on facebook, should you care to view them. When I post it it's going to seem like I had a month-long hangover, but really I'm just popping it in the oven and attending to it when I have the time. I.E. you will see it when it gets done. Eventually.

THE THING about teen angst is that it makes for horrible blogposts.
You are embarrassed after you write a poem/ song/ blog entry about it.

But it when you are in the midst of it, it feels like the most important thing in the world at the moment, and you have to document it. When you see someone else talking about it too, you think: "oh my gosh we have a deep connection-- I am not the only one!"

And in some ways, you are reassured by it because being capable of emotion is part of being human.

Ok, that's enough excuses to validate what is going to follow.

crudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrud

1. I can't go to melbourne; they cancelled the trip.
2. It is so frustrating communicating with some people.

These are really dumb things to be angry over.

In the words of ms hayleyghoover:

"So as much as I'm dying to spew my guts about the mean, awful, terrible thing one of my good friends did to me this weekend, I cannot. Because, for one, I have no real way of knowing who's going to see this, and for two, this blog entry will outlive my hurt feelings. I could preserve my current fury in a blogosphere time capsule, and it would make me feel better for a day or two... but eventually, I'm going to unhate him and regret that decision. And it SUCKS."

Today I realised to make friends on teh interwebs, you have to comment/ @reply/ talk A LOT. or you know, they won't reply back. I have realised after being on youtube for a year! (cue cheers) technically it's a year and a week now, I think, after little nicole put up her very first edited video. Now I'm 27 videos in and going strong :D That averages to about 2 videos a month. YAY.


Honestly I'm the kind of web user who will ~lurk for ages and not post/ comment anything significant for fear of posting something wrong or saying something that's lame. It's the same thing with speaking.

As I'm writing this it's 10pm Monday, November 2nd.I've been listening to various versions of "creep"-- this one by jbdazen, this one with johnny depp in it, and this one with the fabulous amanda palmer at COACHELLA.

I can't get over seeing amanda palmer on halloween. The last time I celebrated halloween was when I was eleven and was Nearly Headless Nick. Her performance took my breath away. I had been awaiting her arrival ever since neil gaiman blogged in august about coming to singapore, and he said that amanda palmer would be coming as well, I was like: !!!! and oh my gosh. So it's been three months of waiting, and I finally got to see her it was crazy.

I wasn't a fan of her before neil gaiman talked about her doing "I Google You", though, so I didn't know her from her dresden doll days. But the wonderful mr gaiman kept on mentioning her, so I looked up her channel, watched "Oasis", and was hooked. Lately through her blog and twitter I've begun to see her as a musician based on the internet, much like Tom Milsom, Pomplamoose, and various wizard rock bands. She's been talking about the music business, about how consumers should be able to give their money straight to the artist instead of it being passed through the hands of record companies first. She also loves the power of twitter and the way it allows her to connect with fans on a more personal level. This form of communication is really amazing, because I get to know my artist and his/her beliefs, and about her gigs/ cd releases/ new songs before everyone else.

I took lots of pictures over the course of the weekend, so we'll start from the beginning.

This is an extremely blurry picture of Neil Gaiman in an event on children's literature , but mostly it was just the moderator asking general questions and fans getting to ask their burning questions. I was sitting at the back, fresh from crowd-handling as a volunteer, and it was the first time I saw him in person, so it was quite surreal.


This is from the next event, which was him and amanda palmer discussing the book and the album, Who Killed Amanda Palmer. An informative behind-the-scenes video of the creation of the book is here.


As you can tell, I'm a great photographer xD I shall attempt to explain away the shakiness by the fact that I was so excited I was trembling? But really I haven't been able to find other photos on the interwebs yet, so these will have to do. Strangely I was more enthusiastic about amanda palmer's presence than neil gaiman's, even though I've known his work longer than I've known amanda. But they are so cute together! You can tell they are really appreciative of each other in real life, which was what they've been talking about on their respective blogs lately.