Again, I am doing this after midnight. *sigh*
One thing about BEDA is that I find myself planning what to blog about today, which is quite interesting. And then I actually sit down and start typing... and mysteriously my mind is blank. I distinctly remember thinking about what to write, but I don't remember _what_ I thought about.

Um. Good news today! A nerdfighter friend and I are going to be penpals! Good thing she lives in singapore too, or else postage would be expensive.

Yeah, yeah, we could even call each other and meet up and things, but isn't letter-writing a lovely idea? I would get to see her handwriting, for one. And it would make us think carefully about what to say before putting it on paper. It would also revive the ancient art of letter-writing. Since, you know, there already is skype, instant messaging, email, facebook, youtube etc. I could send her things, and use cute stationery! (that I will steal from my sister. I do not own any of that scented stuff.)

And zaielle (lovely name, that.) of BestWishesFromNL commented on my video in which I plugged them! Good thing that my next video planned will be a plugging one, so more famous people will comment. What can I say? I love sharing good music and awesome wrock fans with everyone. Even though on average my videos get about 30 views each.

I like meeting people on youtube! It makes me feel connected to the community and I feel more participative, and not just an observer. Maybe it's just human nature to want to connect with people whose interests you share. I like discussing things on the ning, because then I have the assurance that nerdfighters (i.e. people with brains) will be responding/ airing their thoughts and I won't have to read rubbish from flamers or people with nothing better to do.

Not that I don't welcome opposing viewpoints, mind. They are what make discussions interesting! But flamers (i.e. people without brains) do not contribute to the discussion. And there is this thing I learnt in philosophy last year that was about the importance of having dissenting opinions or a counterpoint, and all I remember is the dead dogma argument. *wikis* Ah ha. "Skepticism: a method of intellectual caution and suspended judgment." [oh people who know better please correct me]

So in short it is important to raise opposing points of view, because otherwise the issue won't be discussed at all (eg evolution) and the importance of the issue will be underrated. It is also important to question because otherwise the knowledge you know might be taken for granted and then you will not learn to be skeptical and raise your doubts and therefore become vulnerable to false information. (eg propaganda) Discussing the issue also helps you strengthen your arguments for the issue and helps you understand why you believed in that issue in the first place. (eg when people ask why I'm vegetarian/ When people ask others about the existence of God/ a higher power.)

I need to take a philo class in uni/ read more on it; there is so much I do not know! eg Skepticism is part of a larger idea called Certainty, which encompasses Epistemology (theory of knowledge), Agnosticism, Solipsism ("My mind is the only thing that I know exists.") and Justification, among others.

I hope YOU have an inquiring mind; heck, we all need one-- remember all the different takes on the presidential elections last year on CNN/ related networks? We need to be able to decide for ourselves what we think is right, and the media does not need to do the job for us.

[I am painfully aware that I started and ended this post on different tangents, but never you mind.]

what is this!
I'm subscribed to at least 10 nerdfighters on google reader, and only maureen johnson and john green have updated today?! I suppose everyone has their days. And I missed two days so far, heh so it's a bit "look who's talking."

And I suppose that short paragraph is going to show up first on the blog previews, darn.

Today I will talk about friends! Not the um, tv show.
So, again, I will start with a quote. (cut and pasting ftw!)
A while ago, john green blogged this:

"Q. If not fame, what *do* you recommend to fill up the empty spaces inside?

A. Well, the reason people think fame will fill up the empty spaces inside them is because we want to be acknowledged and loved and cared for. Like, say that someone breaks your heart. The pain of that heartbreak is so real and so profound and so deeply felt, and you want other people to acknowledge it. And it feels like if millions of people cared enough about you to read about your heartbreak in US Weekly, then you could bear it. The holes inside would be filled by the thoughts and attention of strangers.

But in fact this does not work. It's a snake oil cure. The only thing, in my experience at least, that fills up the empty spaces is caring for other people and allowing them to care for us."

And this got me thinking. I feel whole and lovely and warm inside when I spend time talking with my friends, but sometimes I think I take them for granted. Because I've been in a new school for about three months now, and my new classmates are really really awesome, even if I don't really know them well enough yet. We slog through homework together, have lunch together, look out for each other and generally help each other through school.

But sometimes I feel guilty that I've been mollycoddled by my friends because they always remind me to do stuff, or do favors for the class, and I don't reciprocate at all. And to a certain extent, I feel bad if someone has to do something for me-- say lend me his/her things, or carry stuff for me, or even wait for me outside the bathroom. (I swear this is a culture-specific thing) I think about it and I really don't give a second thought when I do this for my other friends, so it shouldn't be much bother for the person doing it, but I really feel bad if someone has to do something for me. And it made me think of the "allowing them to care for us" bit.

I'm a bit iffy when it comes to affection/ the demonstration of it. Not in the romantic way, mind, but when someone does something nice for you. Like I'm comfortable if someone I know well does it, but I'm not comfortable if someone I just got to know does it. (eg opens the door for you) A while ago I was feeling bad about needing people to help me out (I even feel bad when someone has to wait for me to do something) and I wanted to be more independent and less reliant on others. A little like not allowing others to show that they care.

I was wondering if this was a pride thing, and I'm not sure myself, but I feel awful when people have to help me. (mmm for example that time I was travelling in a school group and someone had to help me check in at the airport because I was too noob to do it properly.) Although. I think it is a pride thing, because during those times I feel embarrassed at my own deficiencies, and less sorry for the person. And I used to go: "Am I too fussy/ demanding/ slow?" and then the person responding has to say "No", right? out of politeness, which makes the question the dumbest one to ask because it only serves to reaffirm your arrogance.

So, um, Revelation! I have discovered I am too proud to let others "care for me", and until I learn to stop being proud, the empty spaces will not be filled.

I just typed up something on msn to a friend, and I realised... that I'm more blunt on msn than I am in real life. Nothing new, I suppose, everyone does this. It's like the classic argument for online bullying-- the repercussions of what you say online are less immediate, so you are more inclined to say something mean and not be afraid of the consequences.

And I am, again, obnoxiously cutting and pasting just to fill up space but anyway.
Kayley from the 5AG said this on her blog today:
"I hate when reading blogs and people are so desperate to cater to what people will want to read. It’s a BLOG. You type what you want. Stop talking about how people won’t like it or how it will confuse them or whatever. Readers don’t care. If they don’t want to read it, they don’t have to. It’s a place for thought, not a place to please people. Don’t stifle creativity. Done."

And it made me think about when I first started blogging-- more than five years ago, wow-- that I was convinced I had a readership, and was concerned about my audience and who I was writing for. Today I am still under the delusion that there are people out there reading this crap, so I keep in mind not to mention things. I self-censor.

There was a time that my friend was strongly against self-censorship (she talked about religion, sex, bad gossip etc) and tried to advocate that people just say what they want. I tried to go with it for a while, but realised that everyone and anyone can see you on the interwebs, and teachers or juniors whom I didn't want reading this blog would be able to read it anyway, and I couldn't stop them. Maybe it's just me, but I am/was extremely self-conscious about what people thought about me, and I couldn't stick having people think I was sex-crazed, obsessive over harry potter, overly liberal, too vegetarian, too agnostic... you get the gist.

And then I tried to frame my blogposts so that I sounded as moderate as possible and inoffensive, but it got kind of dull. So in the end I gave up and mostly did fangirly things about movies or books, or ordinary boring this-is-what-I-did-today posts. Yay for archives; go see how I was when I was eleven.

Right now I kind of like this medium of expression because it lets me put things I have floating in my consciousness into words, and lets other people know what I am thinking. Or at least, I feel someone out there is reading what I've got to say. It's an outlet of sorts, but I am still careful not to be scathing or overly grumpy... because I am in some degree afraid of what people might think. Also because personal attacks and whining would reduce my credibility and professionalism, and make me sound like an immature spoilt idiot. (which I am, actually. )

Now I've started the BEDA thing, I'm a little worried about talking about issues such as same-sex marriage, slash, smut, religion, the origins of life, LSD... since there are new nerdfighters who are going to read this and start flaming. (okay I'm a bit paranoid here) Though of course by mentioning the above already is hypocritical, but there's still hesitation and doubt. This is not without reason-- you don't start talking politics or violence with someone you've just met, do you?

So I suppose I don't know if it is appropriate to take the plunge or not.
But if these issues really matter to me, I shouldn't be afraid to bring them up and encourage healthy discussion.
*Dilemma*

[/random] I hate it when you're im-ing and people think you're being sarcastic but you're not. Or you're being sarcastic and they thing you aren't. Emails with a context are so much better. [/end random]

Welcome to Day 8 of BEDA. It's only day 8 and I've missed two days >< this is not going well. Punishments are in order. I think. I have to upload one good video for every day I miss? If I upload crappy vlogs then it's cheating. If I do no uphold this self-imposed punishment, you can quote me on this.

Back to business. So recently jbdazen uploaded a video which talked about homosexuality and whether it should remain an issue. Because if it is widely accepted, legalizing same-sex marriage shouldn't be something to cheer about; it should be a given. And then there are people who upload videos like these, which sometimes make me stop believing in the human race.
Wrote the above at 11.30pm thereabouts, and it's 1.07am now, and he's replied to my comment! *is happy* I think I should go reply a couple comments now. And emails. *guilt*

Right back. Oh jeez when I read things from people I respect it makes me feel so so happy that there are people/ adults existing who believe in change and the ability to make it happen. Although in a, well, xenophobic way the internets make me a little narrow-minded, when I can choose to read/ consume only media that affirms my beliefs. Solution: I should read newspapers!! And it makes me so so happy when someone replies that there are people who are lovely and willing to share their thoughts, or take time to consider your opinions and say something helpful or thought-provoking.

Gosh I sound crazy-- all this over a reply but still! Here it is for posterity:
I said this--
"urgh in my school the glbt thing isn't even taken seriously enough to be discussed! When someone calls someone else "gay" [and it still happens a lot D:] it's considered an insult. And when a girl in my school was talking about being lesbian, people thought it was just a phase."

and then jbdazen replies:
"In high school, when everyone's going through a lot of changes, the need to 'fit in' is the highest. So people who fear to be left out are instead singling out people who are brave enough to show themselves as they are. It's a problem of all times. It gets better when you grow older. However, teachers and parents should be more supportive and protective for people who dare to be different, because the bullying can cause traumas at later age."

*is honoured* I think I need to find synonyms for 'happy'.

Today I was delighted because I got to eat soy ice-cream. On a cone :D
if you know me and my vegetarian thing, you'll know what I mean.

hello hello hello.

So anyway, today I went online and checked my yahoo and gmail inboxes, read all the emails, delegated all mailing list emails to a folder, deleted spam, and decided trotting off to google reader would be more interesting. This is the reason why I rarely reply emails on time, because I will look at the email and go: "Hmm I could do this later... I don't know what to say to the person. Replies are always better if one sits on them, right?" And then I go off to the tubes or something and never return.

*sings* "Past the point of no return, no going back now; our passion-play has now, at last, begun"

=end musical interlude=

Urgh I don't know who's reading this. If you are, comment? Link below if you're on blogger or convenient commenting avenue if you're on the Ning. This is so hypocritical-- I always want someone to comment... but I don't comment often myself/ don't reply comments. >< bad bad habit-- it shows that I am not appreciative of the comments! And then I will never get any comments! But really I like getting comments; it's just that I'm not very skilled in demonstrating my love ! Excuses.

And I don't think I don't have time to be ning-trawling today for other blogs doing BEDA; mountain of homework awaits. Tried doing that yesterday, though, and found the featured blog funny and cute. There were only 28 comments! Considering there are over 500 [?] blogs on the Ning. This is a sign that I should leave comments more liberally, and not be stingy with my words, to encourage others to blog more, or make even more exciting and save-worthy posts. [/random] In school we were taught about the different aspects of leadership, and this is considered "Enabling Others To Act".

Actually since I've been doing beda for a few days now, it's becoming less and less difficult to find something to write about. Well maybe later I'll have a mid-month crisis and end up doing one-paragraph posts in despair. Hang on, I've got to replace the battery on the wireless keyboard. snap have resorted to using the onscreen keyboard because for some reason the replaced batteries don't work. Maybe its the kind of thing that only works when you reset the comp.

think shall end now; onscrn keyboard takes ages. ciao

hello one and all.

Spent today mostly watching CSI NY, and yesterday kimberly (a nerdfighter) introduced me to a csi wiki but then now I can't remember the url D: snap. Will search for it.

I know two characters! Gary is the head guy, like gil grissom, and Danny is the guy who has a real new york accent. That's all I know. Danny's colleague is his girlfriend or um Danny's girlfriend happens to be his colleague and I kind of not like this relationship because Danny's girlfriend (I can't remember her name!) cares a lot about him. And is a really, well, good girlfriend. It's so straight edge! No tension etc.

Okay it's ironic I'm talking about being straight edge in a show about law enforcement, but still. The Grissom/Sara pairing in CSI Las Vegas is so much more interesting! (is it canon? someone enlighten me) But of course no pairing can beat Snarry or Edward/ Jacob.

OMG the Edward/Jacob pairing is like the new snarry. Really! Someone should have a podcast on Edward and _____ pairings! Excluding Bella, of course. I mean other vampires are so hot (hotter than Bella) and there would be "I Would Like To Eat You" tension, you know?

My friend suggested that in Breaking Dawn, Bella would die in childbirth (FINALLY no more whining) and then Edward and Jacob would raise baby Renesmee together!!! Preferably Bella could die before she gets to name the baby, and then baby could have a name that is actually pronounceable.

Oh dear I hope I haven't turned away people who are not into slash. It's only the... 5th day of april and it isn't a good time for people to stop reading. Friend B who was overhearing our squee-filled conversation about edward/ jacob got a little peeved.

It was almost like this: (my imagination has filled in the cracks in my memory)

ME: I hate twilight. Why would I read its fanfiction!
FRIEND: Oh, but you haven't heard of Edward/Jacob.
ME: *squees* Forks is a lovely picturesque place for violent shagging, what with its windy beach and deep forests.
FRIEND: And on their honeymoon they would break more than just pillows...
ME: And the ways they could deal with the werewolves are hot/ vampires are cold thing...

[and we get carried away.]

People in real life think I'm weird after they learn that I like slash. They think that it's weird that anyone would like slash because it's so perverse. And then I learn not to mention Merlin and Queer as Folk and Snapecast again.
There's more to slash than just the shagging-- the best slash sometimes doesn't have sex at all, because the portrayal of love between the two characters is just so much more endearing, intricate and filled with conflict. It's these human elements of slash that makes good fics enjoyable to read, since sexy oneshots are a dime a dozen.

Just another day in the life of a harry-potter-obsessing, beatles-singing and spring-awakening-reciting nerdfighter.

oh dear. this is getting to look like Blog Every Other Day April (BEODA)
What am I going to say!
It would be absatively boring to talk about what went on today. How people do [vlog every day april] is incredible to me. To take time out to film and edit a video... every day?! Maybe it's just lack-of-time-management-skills me.

In other news, lemonfacee (rachel) has uploaded a new video! Yay! She's studying for her gcses, and I sympathise.

I think my blogskin is terribly generic at the moment. The only worry I have is that I'll pick a skin that about something I like for only a period of time, then I'll get tired of it, and not change to something else because I think it's too troublesome to pick out another one. Also, having a generic blogskin is more professional! (I only think this way because people I follow don't have kitschy blogskins.)

Right. I'll look up maureen johnson and her advice on how to write a blog. How do her blogposts get so long?! (I'm obviously not considering the fact that she is a professional writer.)
Meep. I think I'll go with #2: TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DID ALL DAY

Hmm. Today I woke up at 8, had tuition, then breakfast. SLEPT from 10-12.30. I had to repay my debt to the Sleep Bank. Really. I sleep at 1-2am most days and wake up at 6.30 for school. Ah. This still doesn't justify why I am such a pig, but back to the point.

Went for lunch. Had pasta at a japanese place.
Had a haircut, ended up looking like V from V for Vendetta. Laughed at mirror when hairdresser was done, like I did with the last haircut. This time, at least, I merely giggled. Hairdresser makes indecipherable expression, moves on to next customer. Dad agrees that I look like V. Despair! At least I resemble a fictional revolutionary.

Came home, watched CSI: NY on dvd, was impressed by cinematography but not much else. My alliances lie with the original CSI, the one with gil grissom!

Sat myself down to a 3 1/2 hour online practice SAT test while listening to internet radio playing 50s/ 60s music; scored dismally. I swear it was the music.

Watched an old movie on cable after dinner (I need to watch less TV) and successfully missed project runway.

And that was my day! On weekdays this gets less interesting, so I might start to agonise a lot more. tchus!

OH snap snap snap it's the third of April already, 1.28am.

Can we count this as the second? Because, well, it's technically the _night_ of the 2nd, right? I'll do another tomorrow. For the third of April. And if you are in a different time zone (i.e. Hailee's) it's the afternoon of the 2nd of april for you. So there.

I don't know what to write today. I can type fast today yay!
Because a lot of people on youtube are doing the VEDA thing, I got a lot of new videos in my subscriptions list. Those whom I know for sure are doing this are calliedonia and nerimon. And italktosnakes is doing the blog thing!

Oh darn I haven't registered or done the admin things that maureen said on her blog ><

Great news! My friend is a converted nerdfighter :D she's on the ning already and watched some of the brotherhood2.0 videos and gets "in my pants" jokes! yay. She does videos, too: http://www.youtube.com/user/feltonfeynman They're mostly stop-motion, which take incredibly long to do. And they're funny, and she does all the voices herself. (in a german accent)

Should this blog be longer? This sounds bad, but I don't really *get* the point of Blog Every Day April. Maybe when I have done the required entire month, I will reach enlightenment, and understand the truth of the universe! I've read maureen johnson's blog and everything, and part of the reason for this is to encourage you to write. A good thing, obviously, but what about people who don't use proper language? And the things I write on this blog don't really count as good writing, on account of the disorganisation and the lack of quality.

Urgh does anyone watch American Idol? I'm so sad megan got voted out. Almost as sad as last season when michael johns got the boot. My friend was so surprised because CLEARLY he was the best in terms of skill (and taste in music) Megan does jazz and it is lovely and not overly mainstream (sigh what is american idol but mainstream) but anyway she sounds good. And I would buy her album straightaway IF she had one :(

The current music scene doesn't need more Adam Lamberts who play up to market demand and popularity. Megan should have a myspace page. And put songs up on itunes. And people would buy them! At least, the people who voted for her and posted her songs on youtube.

meep. I think I'll do the blog every day april thing that maureen johnson did. (BEDA) Will fix up the links on the next post.
This is the first one! It's 2.18am first april so technically it counts.

Interesting News of late. (haha- "late" get it? Right the wee hours aren't good for making jokes.)

1. I have discovered Google Reader, as recommended by jazza. (rhymingwithoranges on youtube. he has a blog too, rhymingwithorangesblog.blogspot) It is so amazingly useful to catch up on all my rss feeds, since google desktop is not very favored by my family, who also use this computer.
Right now I have all the blogs I'm following on blogger-- various youtubers, neil gaiman, veggie blogs etc. So probably I'll put in all my friend's ljs-- chele and pooky included because ever since I took their links off for safety reasons, I've stopped visiting! So take this as good news as I will be popping by for tea and infringing upon your hospitality.

2. Realised hailee doesn't really know this blog, unless she follows the link from tumbleweedrabbits. But then again I don't exactly update very frequently...

3. Decided that I will do a vlog for Blog Every Day April (vlog every day april would be great if I had 30 hours in a day) and talk about it. Talk about maureen johnson. Be embarrassed that I am more familiar with YA writers than respected Modernists/ Romantics etc.

4. Realised, as of a minute ago, that I probably wouldn't follow through with BEDA, considering my past track records with nanowrimo. And also that I'll be taking my sats on the 2nd of may and my mum is crazy about getting me to practice as much as possible, and I won't really have time to blog. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, because if I score well this time the score will be valid until 2014, when I am 21! Being the tender age of 16 permits me to naively think that five years is a long time.

5. Speaking of ages, a friend has a birthday this month, and I have to get her a cardigan. I Will Not Miss It. Really. ohdear um don't be my friend if you want birthday presents given to you on time? Yes. Although a much less hostile way of saying it is that I am a terribly forgetful and notsome friend. (YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE IN FOR when you fratenize with me)

6. will trot off to sleep now. The last time I slept for half an hour, I was amazed that my glasses were on my face, and got mildly shocked when I saw water in my waterbottle.

Ah! Oh dear where is it where is it *scrambles*

AH HA.
I FOUND IT.

THE LIST

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read. [not doing this because I probably want to read the rest of the list I haven't read, most wanted reads are in Red]
3) Reprint this list in your own blog so we can try and track down these people who've read 6 and force books upon them

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare [felicia has read all of them, though]
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh [why haven't I read this!]
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez [this will be near the top of my to-read list]
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert [and I call myself an sf fan]
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87 Charlotte's Web - EB White
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

(According to the source of this BBC poll, the average adult has read 6 out of these 100.)

D: 26 out of 100! and pooky has 63 out of 100. *needs to read more stuff that everyone has read which jasper fforde references*

An awesome awesome new creation by Mr G, written in the same spirit as the video john green did-- "How to Make Guys Like You".

I LOVE IT (blueberry girl) it's so sweet and lovely yet empowering and filled with hope at the same time! And Charles Vess is ah-may-zing. With a capital A. He did statues for stardust before, and they were so magical and true to the spirit of the book. I wish I had someone read this to me when I was little. I wish I could read this to a little girl! *searches for little girls*

The video makes me so happy and hopeful. It makes me believe that the world still has people who believe in the power of text to move someone, and the importance of treasuring the girls and women around you.

And that there are still people who painstakingly draw illustrations by hand, unlike disney, who thinks it's cheaper to just merge with pixar and make computer animations.

Meh. I'm digressing. Someone remind me to do the Master List of books macheriepooky has done!

If you were queer, I'd still be here
Year after year, because you're dear to me <3

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone :D and happy birthday to jingles =D

The thing about the new skin is that I don't know how to link people who are not on blogspot >:( Is anyone out there good with html and knows how to fix this? I would like to plug people/ things and be able to click on someone conveniently.

On the plus side, everyone can see my archives now. You can see how embarrassing I was when I was 12! And uh the apparent progress. I always want to see people's archives because I am nosy and curious. So now you can see mine! (I want me showing you mine/ And you showing me yours)

Right. So studying for SATS = relearning grammar= a Good Thing. Because I spot mistakes in my own grammar. Although my sat book is confusing because it says an answer is wrong when it has "awkward phrasing". But it's still grammatically correct, so I don't get it. And it's difficult to tell what is "awkward" and what is not because sometimes the grammatically correct answer sounds awkward because we don't speak like that.

So my book has this thing it teaches you how to "crack the system" and beat the test. You're supposed to know how to identify the answer the average person would pick, and not pick that answer, because you are better than the average person. Thing is, I think like the average person. So I find it hard to eliminate the "average person" answer.

Haven't been online lately because I've been knocked comatose. This hasn't happened before, so please forgive me for not answering your emails on time. I slept at 11.30 the other night. (This usually doesn't occur.)

and anytime you feel the pain
hey jude refrain
don't carry the world upon your shoulders
for well you know that it's a fool
who plays it cool
by making his world a little colder

grumbly today. Got to get used to school and related work soon, anyway. I mean if I keep whining it's not going to make it any better, is it?
Thanks pooky, for being decisive :) and helping with things :) and um for introducing me to korean swoon and cute rabbits xD

First day of orientation today, and the people who made it happen must have taken ages to plan everything. So I really appreciate the effort they put in to facilitate integration :D

I hope felicia doesn't bring the Complete Works of Shakespeare again tomorrow, even if it made going to school more pleasant. We're going on an excursion that involves lots of walking, I think. If she's feeling crafty she might have an excuse up her sleeve...

Found the kindly ones (of the sandman series) in the library today, and I hadn't read it yet, so that was great! I like morpheus's gargoyle. It's so cute! It poses with him on the limited edition bookstands they have on display at kino. It goes meeep.

I think I have to talk less about school. This is a public blog. But after practically 5 months without proper school (my exams last year ended in august) I can't believe it was that long! oh jeez and I wasn't really very productive. I only did one review. I read lots of books though, and got the video/ tumbleweedrabbit thing going with pooky.

Right back to "after 5 months on holiday" I think it's time to start cracking. Studying for the SAT at the moment-- won't be taking it till may but since school is kind of slow right now, it would give me something to do.

:( darn probably won't have time to edit a video tonight; will try for tomorrow. tchus.

w.r.t. (I like that acronym! It gets very handy.) yesterday's post, I don't have anything against large house parties with drinks and the lot. I just didn't expect them to happen right by my apartment, where 66% of the people living on my floor are older than 70. And usually it's me or my sister who makes the noise, not 10 other college kids.

On another note, I think I will have to make videos more often. (YES!) But I started making videos after the exams were over, and it's becoming more difficult to find time once school starts proper. darn. I think I'll join the chinese bicultural program instead of the middle east one, because there's less commitment.

*grumblewhinegrumble* Some of the trinity people are actually going to join trinity foundation studies and I am kind of whiny because there they are, learning things and having fun, and I am stuck here being a douchebag in a godawful system.

The "traditions" and systems in place in school, not to mention the culture, is suffocating. Don't even get me started on the social strata and expectations that you HAVE to have a scholarship or another, you HAVE to have a leadership post, you have to volunteer for a VWO, you have to be in a popular cca... and so forth.

I want to go to trinity and experience being alone and not be confined by things you aren't supposed to do. I want to go AWAY. I want to be able to visit pooky and do my own laundry and learn things in a different way. I want to be in a different education system and be able to visit university libraries and read and see what I might like to do later on.

I don't want to be in my school.

p.s. COLONEL MUSTARD. We need to talk.

Came back from malaysia today at 11.30pm after an excruciating jam at the causeway.
We were greeted by a cny party.
Not the mild mahjong-auntie kind, mind.
The college kind.

The apartment next to mine apparently hosted a party while their parents were away. There was random whooping, loud conversation, and someone was playing video games at full volume inside): My sister called it the kind of party they have on gossip girl, partly because most of the people at the party were expats. Or their kids. You could smell the alcohol in the air.

I mean if there ever was a time to say "shut the fuck up", this would be it, you know.

DRUNK GIRL WITH FAG IN HAND: Do you need help with your luggage? We're just making a teeny bit of noise.
ME: *breaks into delirious laughter*

I guess this is what people say college is like.

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO KNOW SPRING AWAKENING SO I CAN SING IT WITH THEM.

really.

But nothing really beat the time I sang beatles songs with felicia from far east to paragon. People were trying hard to pretend not to stare, and geeru got a little embarrassed.

It's like a peace march, you know. (gosh I'm such a hippy.) But you have to have an occasion to sing it on. Like the time someone was elected. (remember remember the fifth of november) Or when someone dies. OH I KNOW when paul mccartney dies we'll have a peace march. Of two people.

It's sad when you await someone's death just to be able to do something. I should become more politically aware so I have a cause to sing about. And have a collection going.

Hello everyone.
hello huiqi :D
Let's do a simple exercise:

I'm in the library now, and geeru is sitting accross me, reading a Flash comic. She has also pulled out Unknown Soldier and a DC something to read. I'm trying desperately to have my memory card and the laptop be friends, but I suppose they just aren't compatible. It's quite warm because we're sitting next to the window, and the light reflects off me/ the laptop quite awfully, so the screen isn't very clear. It's like when you see your reflection on a curved television screen on sunny days. I can see my hands reflected in the screen, and they look like when pooky took pictures of her nails, though my hands are a little smaller than hers.

Speaking of pooky, when I told her what we were going to have the next few days, she called it a Concentration Camp. It is.

Now geeru, with her amazing powers of speed reading, has moved on to something called Batman and the Lesser Superheros. Or something like that. I assume that it has nothing to do with batman canon, if there is such a thing. It is now 2.28pm in singapore, 5.28pm in melbourne and 12.28am where my youtube friend is.

There is 2:07 hours and 53% of battery left in my laptop. I have done all the important things I am supposed to do, save for the stupid pictures, which are being uncooperative today.

I have to speak about veggies and milk in my videos this week. Maybe I'll make two. This makes me think of boullion. Needless to say, I am hungry. I am perpetually hungry. My brain works like this:

Brain: I want an ice-cream.
Me: No, I have a sore throat. I shouldn't have an ice cream.
Brain: An ice-cream will make you happy. And make your fever better.
Me: *protests in vain*
Brain: You see, an ice cream is cold, right? And when you have a fever you're supposed to lower your body temperature, right? So an ice cream will make you cooler.
Me: *fishes out money for an ice cream*

It's sad when you don't create a post in 10 days, and you make a new post... just to grumble.

My internet doesn't work! This time I know it's not billing problems, because it's a different error message- I'm using winpoet and when I try to connect it says "error 795" and I check the wiring to the modem and everything and it still doesn't connect >:( So right now I'm in rafflescity so that I can use the wireless here, with my dad's laptop that has 3 hours of battery left.

I think for the next couple days I'll rely on the hotspot in school to upload my friday video, or even the library (yay for free wireless) and charge the laptop.

Thank you chele for the essential oil jar from melbourne <3 heh I like getting presents.

And thanks to the NY and HCI people for organising the chalet on tuesday-- it must have been a lot of work to host a lot of people. Photos! will be up the next time I find a wireless connection.

tchus.

bump bump bump.

My head hurts right now. I could take a panadol. But sometimes it doesn't work. Aspirin worked for my fever, but I had a bad tummy ache the last time I took it... before reading the enclosed pamphlet, where it said it had gastrointestinal side effects.

It's a pulsating kind of pain. Not quite throbbing, like when say you hit your thumb with a hammer, but a milder form.

Recently, when I don't really have goals for the day, much less the week, because there isn't school, I feel that I have a lot less to talk about. It's kind of a floating-in-limbo sensation and you feel detached from things.

Though normally I have to try hard to detach myself and take my real mind away from the things present, it's a lot easier to not be there now. When I detach myself it is when I do not pay as much attention to sensory experience, and ignore the superficial feelings and initial humaness that is awful and distracting. It's like taking my mind away and putting it somewhere else on purpose, you know, when you take your brain and just put it into another box.

Haha this reminds me of when holy people walk on hot coals, and they say that they have to prepare themselves mentally to ignore primitive mortal feelings and ascend into a higher self. Though what I do isn't quite it, even though there are sometimes metaphorical hot coals that I stop myself from feeling.

And then the description reminded me of the feelings people describe when they get high on drugs like lsd... which is somewhat how I feel when I don't sleep for long at night, and when I'm very awake after I get up. Awake in this otherworldly sense, as if I were seeing the world through another set of eyes. Though of course I haven't tried drugs, and I don't know what it feels like.

Maybe it's just called excessive daydreaming.

huiqi, it's time for revenge. xD




the redcross party: (even though technically these aren't pictures of anyone there, heh)


aftermath:




No introspection this time): Even thought the post 2008 memes done by chele sam sydney (and coincidentally fiveawesomegirls as well) were quite cute.

Meh. *shrugs* It wouldn't hurt.

SO. 2008. What happened?

I discovered nerdfighteria. And a nerdfighter!
and nerdfighterlike. Even though the person didn't even know what nerdfighting was.
I was introduced to wizard rock.
I found a local wrock band... and talked to her about the fandom.
I did tumbleweedrabbits with pooky.
I skipped FAM with geeru and felicia.
I took lots more photos and videos.
I read Catcher in the Rye and Looking for Alaska, and felt delinquent.
I discovered the Beatles.
I talked to yearmates for a whole night.
I felt the warm fuzzy feeling of waking up after an hour of sleep, with my yearmates all around me.
I passed out. (of rgsrcy)
I watched people cry.
I got more efficient at not being present.
I sent my books to people in other countries.
I received books (SF mags!) from people in other countries.
I reconnected with old friends.
I lost touch with new ones.
I stopped hating the fact that I was in 415, and right now I miss it very much.
I dumped someone. By email.
I realised what I want to do in the future.
I sneaked out of the house.

I had a warped view of what achievements were.

no title for today (when was there one?) just trying to work from a tangent.

So. This person on youtube was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. So I looked it up, and looked up the criteria for diagnosis, and found that they were very... iffy. There are so many grey areas I can think of, compared say to an orthopeadic diagnosis. From the medical encyclopedia on answers.com:

Psychologists and psychiatrists typically use the criteria listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV) as a guideline for diagnosis of bipolar disorder and other mental illnesses. DSM-IV describes a manic episode as an abnormally elevated or irritable mood lasting a period of at least one week that is distinguished by at least three of the mania symptoms: inflated self-esteem, decreased need for sleep, talkativeness, racing thoughts, distractibility, increase in goal-directed activity, or excessive involvement in pleasurable activities that have a high potential for painful consequences. If the mood of the patient is irritable and not elevated, four of the symptoms are required.

How do you tell when a patient is "irritable" and not "elevated"? I mean I know friends who sometimes have the symptoms "decreased need for sleep, talkativeness, distractability, racing thoughts"-- although admittedly not for a whole week. From this information I feel quite insecure from the thought that I could be very easily misdiagnosed if I went to a psychiatrist.

ooo post #202!

I'm in Davos, Switzerland right now, and I have wireless!! YEAH. oh dear it's sad that I'm spending my holiday on the internet, but I have the flu ): and therefore I have to stay in. But it's good that I have wireless, so I can reply to nerdfighter kimberley. This is odd. I don't have anything to say right now. It's like when people start their vlogs and say: "I'm bored" and then ramble for the rest of it.

I realise that if I don't paragraph, only the first bits of the paragraph will be read and people's eyes will skim over to the next and not read it completely. I have to go out for lunch soon, or it will get crowded. Maybe then I'll post a postcard to harold v crick and geeru and michele (I don't have other people's addresses, damn.)

I like having internet. Because today is dec 17! When all the project for awesome videos go up. I can't post a video, because my memory card doesn't fit into the laptop, so I can only edit/post videos when I get home. Okay link to the project for awesome: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f4hqWfp3374

I've got to go now, because the internet is getting laggy and it takes like 10 minutes to dress up to go outside. Tchus!

This is an epically PHAIL attempt at bumpity bump. Rush of posts is going to end when I finally realise that this blog is not a forum, and that I am the sole contributor. Oh, did I mention that this template is awfully outdated? Not that I have strayed from the Fandom or anything, but hbp is going to be out in 6 months, and I still have the GoF layout?!

Response response response to what people have talked about lately.

Poor, poor, geeru is stuck at home babysitting for most of the holidays ): I would love to drop by, but things are not convenient at her side at the moment. Please, please geeru answer your bleeding phone so that both of us have a respite from boredom.

Recently met a singaporean nerdfighter on youtube!!!!!!! [YES.] I hope we will be able to get together, along with the wrock people in time for the hbp release. The last time there was a harrypotter event, I failed to turn up and was a lousy wet blanket, despite fangirling about the DH release for more than a year prior to the event.

Speaking of nerdfighting, lauren's yule ball video and john's response has strangely reawakened my love for the awesomeness that is papertowns and the vlogbrothers.

Looking at lauren's video has also reminded me not to blog past 12midnight or regret it the morning after. [*sigh* it IS past 12 already.]

I really really need to call people/ talk to them in person. People like aforementioned geeru and colonel mustard and yingling and felicia. Except that it is a) never really the right time to call and b) I keep on forgetting. Although! between the hours of 12-3am are always great times to call me :D just text me in advance so I can keep my phone on.

This blog shouldn't be too personal. I will aspire to be dignified and less frivolous and angsty on whatever is available to the general public because it will ruin my Image! ("as what, an internet ___ star?" my other self retorts.) Revealing too much personal information is never never never safe on the internet, as italktosnakes, owlssayhooot and billilovesmargot have so expertly demonstrated. I don't want to get stalked. I don't want everyone to know what's bothering me at the moment. It's not something everyone should know. *whines* ["Then why are you on the internet in the first place, you naive ___bag?" taunts Other Self.]

Revealing bits of your personal self online makes the things you tell your friends less valuable and private. It also makes you look like a self-absorbed, emotionally insecure prat. It also can be used as potential blackmail material, not very ideal if you're financially inept, like me. I can be so contradictory at times.

oh oh go visit yingling's blog-- link in the left sidebar.

bumpity bump.

The cons next year are LEAKYCON and AZKATRAZ! yay. I think that there will be people in the fandom going to both, but I just don't have the money. Right here are the facts:

LEAKYCON will be in Boston, MA from May 21 to May 24.
After October 1, 2008, the price goes up to $185 for registration, and then up to the full price of $199 after February 1, 2009.
$189 per night for up to four people per room at the historic Boston Park Plaza Hotel.
Total Cost: $185+$189= $374USD=$570.50SGD

AZKATRAZ will be in San Francisco, California from July 18- July 21.
$145 - Basic Registration, available through February 28, 2009
$165 - Basic Registration, March 1 – May 31, 2009
$190 - Basic Registration, June 1 – June 30, 2009
$200 - Basic Registration online, July 1-15, 2009
ONLINE REGISTRATION WILL CLOSE ON JULY 15, 2009
$200 - At-the-Door pricing
$165 plus tax per night, for up to four people in a room. In other words, there's no extra-person charge for the third and fourth person in the room.
Total cost: $165+$145= $310=$472.80SGD

So altogether azkatraz wil be cheaper than leakycon, but I don't think I can make it because I'll be having school. Leakycon is closer to the school holidays and I *might* just make it since it's at Boston, where I'm permitted to go for summer school. (how coincidental!) However, at both cons there are age restrictions. I'm over the age of 14 (that's good.) but anyone under the age of 18 needs to have a parent accompany them, or have a chaperone over the age of 21 who is registered for the conference, and complete and notarize the chaperone authorisation form. That's the most sticky bit.

On programming, I have the feeling leakycon will be more wrock-centric than academic-paper-centric. Not that I don't like going to a wrock concert, but the academia of harry potter is something I've not experienced before, and it would be fun to go for a lecture or two. (or three. or four.) And I want to watch a panel and participate in a discussion! They haven't confirmed formal programming yet, but it says there will be *some* of it there. There's also youth programming at leakycon, which sounds promising. But I'm not old enough to go for the snarry events! damn.

Azkatraz looks to be a bigger event, since it's being promoted by HPEF, who did Portus and Lumos. But but but I haven't considered transportation from boston to SF, where azkatraz is... unless I can find a summer school in SF.

And most of you have noticed by now that I haven't considered the flight costs, so here they are:
NWA roundtrip from sg to boston= $2318 SGD (leakycon)
NWA roundtrip from sg to SF= $1909 SGD (azkatraz)

Northwest is one of the cheaper airlines from experience, so I stuck with that. I might research other airlines if I'm really serious about going. Turns out that a flight to SF is cheaper and faster, by about $400.

The Boston University summer school releases its exact dates on dec 15, so more updates then. In the meantime, I have to worry about money matters.

I thought about your braces today.

About the brown pebbles by the sea.

Sitting on the worn sofa.

A nervous handshake.

The only telephone call

when I thought I was dreaming.








THIS IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS.





someone please slap me.

Haven't been updating in ages-- was busy with... um... hmm. reading papertowns and first among sequels and a book about feynman the theoretical physicist. (can't remember his first name ><) And busy with a secret project!

Speaking of secrets, I sekritly like hsm. The same way I sekritly like the spice girls. BUT I pledge allegiance to the wrock fandom! Right. so I went to watch hsm with my sister because she needed a chaperone (yeah right) and I felt kind of sad during the first song. During the part that goes "sixteen, sixteen minutes" I was thinking about rgs and leaving and how that what we did the last few months was "what we leave behind". This bit:

This is the last time to get it right
This is the last chance to make it or not
We gotta show what we are all about
Work together
This is the last chance to make our mark
History will know who we are
This is the last game so make it count
It's Now or Never

Because remember a while ago there was this barrage of emo "I'm leaving/ going to jc" posts? I kind of went through that phase in the middle of the year, and then tried to distract myself afterwards with books and things, so I wouldn't feel so... cliched. [damn I'm using a lot of ellipsises today] I tried to move on quickly so leaving would be easier and less sad, and distracted myself with things; azkatraz and leakycon were some of them. And then at that time I felt that things with my classmates/ yearmates wouldn't really be the same again.

this is what I have been doing all day!



yay.

grumbly. Yesterday I went to Times at marina square in search of Harry, A History and Paper Towns, and guess what I found instead?


heh watched the movie on youtube *is guilty* It's just another teen movie, though with british accents. I like the music, though. ><


both of which I ended up buying, with my birthday vouchers.

oh and you know what they ALWAYS have instead of john green?



I don't think they're related; it's only john and hank.

something to keep you going till the hcl paper :D

starring andrew slack of the harry potter alliance.

interclass karaoke today :D
There was lots of dancing! Though it's still amazing that more people didn't dance :(
I was looking forward to having the whole hall stand up and be mosh-pit-like for most of it :(
Ah well. At least 415 danced :D

songs performed, and Don't Stop Believing added for good measure. [someone tell me which songs I missed out!]

I interrupt regular transmission to bring you: Hank Green.
watch the video! I don't think he allows embedding ):
It's exactly when I think I mean when I say I don't want to get older.
But the problem is, very frequently in my daily life I find that I'm telling myself to act more mature. The conversation in my head often goes like this:

A: why did you do that? why can't you be more responsible! If you aren't responsible and mature, you can't be an adult and function efficiently in the adult world! What is wrong with you???
B: WHAT. IS. MATURITY?
A: Maturity is having respect for other people and yourself. It also includes being punctual.
B: BUT I think immature people are people who are too stupid to think analytically about their problems. You could take care of all your responsibilities and still be immature.

*angst*

I am not very eloquent. Anyway, I think right now my conscience is trying to convince myself to be more boring and adult, to ease my transition into the adult world. If this goes on for too long, I'm afraid I might forget to have fun altogether. However there are a million external factors that are making you be more adult. In fact, because of these million factors, I think I'm almost halfway there! These factors include: teachers, parents, exams, colleges, peers, and irritating mean old ladies.

It's not that I can do anything about these external factors, though. Honestly, becoming adult is almost necessary sometimes to have fun. It's only when you act mature people permit you to do fun things, and go places to have fun. All you have to do is make these external factors believe you are mature, and then you can go have all the fun you want!

In a less abstract manner, you need to make your college admissions officer believe that you are responsible and mature before you can enter college, and you need to enter college for your future employers to trust you enough to pay you a salary, and THEN you can start having all the fun you want. It sounds like I'm cynical, and I'm being anti-nick (just like anti-helena) at the moment, but it's my perception of the real world, and it's kind of what yingling was talking about during that endless night.

Although-- even though I have this perception, I don't necessarily act according to it :(
which is good and bad.

haha I seem to be posting more these days-- the last couple of entries came within 3 days of each other! (I hope) I have more to say today than before.

First things first: go buy The Graveyard Book, the latest by Neil Gaiman. Just found out that it's available in kino -.- so go get it! It's supposed to be really prominent and they put it up and things. Plus try listening to danse macabre before/ while reading it-- yeah it's that kind of book.

Oh yes and if someone finds Let it Snow by JOHN GREEN, Maureen Johnson and Lauren Myracle, please please tell me, because I figured the only way I can get it now is through amazon... and I don't have the financial means at the moment. For those who aren't nerdfighters, John Green is this really awesome YA writer who did Looking for Alaska, An Abundance of Katherines, and Paper Towns. (that just came out/ is coming out)

Speaking of coming out, last saturday, the 11th of october, was National Coming Out Day in the states. tyleroakley on youtube and italktosnakes did very funny videos on it, so go forth! (right no pun intended.)

Today I am not very bothered to write anything um remotely fresh, so let's pick up something from the stale bread bin!

On [Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?]:
In most SF novels, I've always noticed that the female is ALWAYS the object of lust, not the male. Even when the narrator is female, they don't objectify the male, but the female. Lust and the promise of it has always been a recurring theme in SF novels, even good ones, so I don't blame Philip K. Dick or Orson Scott Card for that. It's just that the male protagonist always sleeps with the hot female, and the hot female is always the forbidden fruit or the irresistible bait.

Why can't males be hot instead? In today's society, it is entirely not justifiable for only females to be objectified and used as an object of temptation. This only propagates the idea that females are only to be utilised as tools for pleasure, and they are not worthy of being anything else. It is only recently that females have been sufficiently empowered of proper characterisation -- Un Lun Dun by China Mieville and Philip Pullman have great examples of female protagonists.

This is coming from a humanist to boot.

the graveyard book

I wish you peace and love and happiness in everything you do
I pray everywhere you go someone will be in love with you
and I know that if you stay within these loving arms of mine
that every single one of these dreams will come true

- A Pensieve Full of Unrequited Love from The Mudbloods

Scored a acdc shirt today :D for $18 :( but it was really cool and thank you geeru for waiting for me xD even the salesperson got irritated that I took too long. I also saw this pretty pretty led zeppelin shirt that was coloured in front and had an actual zeppelin [a little steampunkish], but I figured it would be difficult to alter since the graphic went almost to the end of the shirt. Because the shirts are men's size M haha. They don't make band shirts for girls because it would be too... wimpy. So anyway I'm going to have to alter it to make it fit better so I don't look like I'm wearing pyjamas.

If you feel like getting one, it's a shop in fareast, on the third floor. Stand where the directory is, near the escalators, turn 90degrees to your left, and keep walking till you see it. They have a lot of, um, fetish-like costumes if you're into that thing. [geeru kept staring suspiciously at them] but good if you want halloween masks and outfits. The band shirts are the three whole racks of black tees that look all the same, so you actually have to look at every shirt to find the one you want. Which was quite enjoyable, really, because I saw pink floyd, muse, guns and roses, metallica, and a lot of old school rock things. And that's why I took so long.

*sigh* and the salesperson kept asking me "are you okay?" when I squeed at the shirts, and it was more than evident I really really wanted one, so I might have been cheated. Because $18 is a bit much for a oversized shirt that can't fit anyone, right? plus the graphic was just a simple black and white, nothing special. [someone who buys merch a lot please correct me]

jazz jewel

Guess what I was doing all weekend!!!!!!!!!11!!


Having my soul sucked out by the computer, reading, um, the pdf of new moon.

SO. I'm inspired to come up with the trash index. Like the happiness index!

5.0-- romance novels with half-naked men/ women on them, bad fics.

4.5-- the new paper, gossip mags. oh and xiaxue.

4.0-- the straits times, soap operas, dan brown

3.5--meg cabot, twilight, Mitch Albom

3.0-- Harry Potter (haha yeah I'm biased xD) Christopher Paolini, Barry Lyga, an abundance of katherines

2.5-- Looking for alaska, David Levithan, Rachel Cohn, Paul Zindel, Garth Nix

2.0-- Asimov, Prachett, Gaiman, Water for elephants

1.5-- Ray Bradbury, Orson Scott Card

1.0-- Philip K. Dick, Arthur C. Clarke, Dumaurier, George Orwell

0.5-- People like Dickens, Hemingway, Wordsworth

There! *just realised that I don't read very much, out of F&SF* I'm prepared to defend any positions; waiting for a good argument/ discussion to come along.

In other matters, I'm having my social entrepreneurship option later. Let's just say in this class I finally understood what Kayley of the 5AG meant when she said she hated school because of the stupid people. I'm elitist! :(

Quote of the day!

FCT: Who's borrowed my 20cm ruler? I liked waving it at people and saying "Mine's stiffer than yours!"

You know it's bad when...

I don't feel like reading!

Really, I don't. Oh dear what is wrong. But I read an abundance of katherines over the weekend, so I'm kind of sick of YA at the moment. Katherines was good, and it made me think about purpose and mattering. [note to self: talk about this more] And also that I am happy to be a Dumper. (as opposed to a Dumpee) yay! oh I also have to post something very interesting that I remember but you have no reference to.

Back to reading. So today I walked into the library, and didn't feel up to anything except looking at the pictures in Crafts and Things, and this pie-making book. [this reminds me of a nerdfighter- kavithaispadfoot-- finding paper towns in her school library, though I don't think I can take another john green right now. It's like too much... david levithan or barry lyga-- you get tired and a little guilty about reading so much fluff] Sigh. What is wrong with me?! John Green and aforementioned YA people are good, really. And I really recommend you go read them. But it's something about the language or tone that gets to me. As in they are good if you, say, read ray bradbury before, but not philip k dick. Because I read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? right before katherines... haha they are totally different things.

Anyway, to make sure I get done with Silent Spring, I'm not allowing myself to read The General in His Labyrinth (by the Garcia guy who wrote the very old man with enormous wings) until I'm done with it. Pffft. Silent Spring is taking forever! I swear it gives a whole new spin on the idea of a bio essay. oh gods screw the spelling /grammar right now it's 3am for pete's sake. I'm reading it at the same time as Lady Chatterley's, because... I can't read it in one sitting. Mostly because after the good smutty bits you can't think of anything else, so you have to put it down. When you pick it up again, you're more focused on the bigger thematic picture--which everyone seems to be missing, by the way. Granted, having a passionate affair with the gamekeeper is more sensational than gender/ class distinctions in the 1920s.

Ah this is getting to be longer than I expected. I need to learn how to swear properly! OK in catcher in the rye, holden knows how to swear, even though he just says "goddam" or "damn". And then in katherines, they go "fug", "fugging" and so forth. In Paul Zindel's The Pigman, lorraine makes john go @#$! which is used to great effect. I don't know what my point is. Oh yes my point is. that. writers should use swear words properly, when needed, and not just unrealistically restrict all the swearing to one character. Like the people who write those thriller novels that basically have the same plots.

I'm being arrogant today, aren't I? and making mean and sweeping assumptions. I'm becoming anti-nick, just like anti-helena in the Mirrormask, the complete opposite of my past self. Rawr. Next thing you know, I'll have Other Mothers and inherit a whole alternate universe, and a savior named Valentine who works in a circus.

It seems like I've been posting so much these days. But it'll probably be inconsistent anyways so don't count on me posting anymore this week. Will be spending lots of free time in school, so I'll probably use the time to do math/ chinese/ endless list of writing things. I swear I would miss all the deadlines if I ever worked at a newspaper, and end up being fired.

Today we gave the room over. It was sad. and funny, strangely. Ah, good thing esther didn't make them cane themselves. It would have been so, so wrong. I mean more wrong than our demands for flesh. I'm being sick aren't I? I hope noone reads this. They would think red cross was undermining people's human rights, and that we were torturing people like in guantanamo bay. It was very funny, though. We made a scene of ourselves *sigh* 7 of us on the two tables, and then *someone who wishes her name not to be mentioned* said that there would be a dent in the middle. I didn't realise so many of us fit on there, actually. haha no wonder people got scared.

And then some yearmates got tired just standing there and laughing, I wonder why. It was so insane because before that yearmates were having... lots of fun taking pictures with odd props in odd places in odd positions.

Made me sad again, but also I think if you want to take off a band-aid, it's better to rip the bleeding thing off quickly, and not peel it off slowly, bit by bit. We'll still have each other. And tcamp and facomp to look forward to. We've got to get used to this, people! Talk about separation anxiety.

hello.

Yesterday I said I would say more today, but huiqi's kind of sums it up, so yeah. It's settled a little, like sediment. It was so bad because I kept on being distracted by pop thoughts in the worst times ever, like during tuition, and then now when it really needs to come, it's stuck. I think I'd like putting out my thoughts on this here to keep a record, but I would have to not say the entire thing, so then I'd have to rehash everything again privately. Sorry I'm not making sense.

I foresee a lot of writing in the future, but I really really have to MAKE myself do it because now I desperately want something to read. Even though I've got my stack of F&SF mags, they are a last resort. But I need to refer to the actual books [alaska, catcher] to write the review so it's a good source of motivation when I can't borrow new books without returning the books to review and I can't return those until I have actually written the review.

POP thoughts are coming, slowly. So huiqi talked about thursday until she and some other yearmates left for lunch, and esther and I stayed back. And then I finished my rcv present. Yongruoxi came, and finished her evac thing, and then both esther and ruoxi did the chocolates, which were quite pretty, though later on the secthrees were too smart to get tricked. And then I think jane came and finished her present, joan came, then liangsi and jiaying. They finished the notes [wow the juniors have a large lucky stack to read each xD] and the other baton presents.

So we didn't feel like taking the train to aloha changi, and took cabs, 4 of us in each, and on the way junru called esther to complain about being early, lol. Arrived at the chalet, ate lunch [thanks, sihui!] {damn I still owe ruoxi and esther money} and waited for the juniors to settle in, haha and gave them time to stick the pads on the door. [a tampon could have symbolised... fly?]
Okay and then things happened, evon and I scored at cluedo :D even though it's been a long time since I last played and I forgot the rules >< carey's team could have won, actually, because I forgot that you didn't have to be in the particular room to guess the correct suspect/ weapon/ location. Ah, boring technicalities. I suppose you're waiting for something more scandalous, gossipy or interesting. Sadly I'm never directly involved in these things, although I am very good at passing on gossip.

So anyway I'll skip to after present-giving. I brought my sleeping bag! and didn't use it. Not that I expected to, of course, but I had the feeling yearmates would forget, and last year everyone just pulled out all the sleeping bags available to use so I thought someone would use it but no one did. I brought my sleeping bag last year and didn't use it either, lol. I slept on the road! This entry is getting to be very informative, isn't it? Oh haha and I found out how easy it was to come up with crap. But of course this entire blog is testament to that.

Because I fully intended not to sleep, I found people to stay up all night (well, almost) and talk to. So at 12.50 yingling fiona adeline and I went out to the sitting room, where yingling could watch Fahrenheit on yulebaifenbai at 1am. I love late night tv, but all the good late night shows are on cable, like ugly betty. On a side note, jiayan was complaining about the lack of a dvd player or a laptop on which to watch shows on, and I agreed with her, because channel 8/ u dramas are AWFUL. But then again if we did have a dvd player, it would kind of stop people from talking, which is a bad thing.

Then after farenheit came out, siling joined in the conversation/ roundtable discussion, and we talked and talked and talked and talked. Esther sihui and joan dropped in a while, but mostly because the couches were 10 times more comfortable than in the room (my sleeping bag is comfy!) or the room was too cold or that there wasn't any space in it. Which was ironic because one of the reasons that we wanted to give the secones the room was that we thought it wasn't safe for them to sleep out in the open. (and lots of us slept in the open, and huiqi took unglam pictures -.-)

Around about 3.40am we got exhausted by talking, and started crapping. And we are all good at that! Adeline got tired, so did siling, and they fell asleep. Joan and sihui kind of migrated a little during the night, and esther ended up on the floor (oops!) Around 4.15 or so we thought it was a good idea to steal all the sofa cushions and put them on the floor because there was more space to spread out. I got excited, (so did yingling) and pulled out everything :D There was more space on the floor, but I didn't feel like sleeping on the smelly sofa cushions, and ended up embarrassing myself in front of the juniors by doing handstands -.- I mean after a certain time, if I stay up late, I go a little crazy. Or maybe more than a little.

haha then after pulling all of the cushions out it was hard to figure out how to put them back, because we were all kind of hungover by then, and I was giggling a little too noisily. The morning after, it was reported that people could hear our voices the whole night. [sorry everyone who wanted to sleep! Because I've had people talking when I wanted to sleep and I know how irritating it gets.] But I supposed yearmates got to sleep like logs and woke up at 8 xD Some secones were awake and trying to entertain themselves at 5am ><

So at 5 yingling fiona and I went on our long-awaited walk. Heard someone play dance music on the speakers in another chalet, and I actually thought there was a party I could join, and a lone person with a laptop and speakers was kind of a letdown. Found the beach path which had a lovely view of the sea, and we sat down in the sea breeze and waited for the sunrise. It was quiet, and in fiona's words, "romantic". Napped a little till it was too cold, then went to sit at a bench near a barbecue pit to sleep somemore. Gave up on waiting for the sunrise, and went back to the chalet to discover that we had waited for an hour by the sea. Yingling and fiona had the patience to wait for the elusive sun, and I gave up and collapsed into a sofa seat and slept for approximately an hour, and sleepily said good morning to evon.

Went back to the beach path briefly at 7 in the morning to look for my phone, which turned out to have fallen in between the sofa cushions -.- but it was nice getting a look of the sea anyway.
So ends my eventful night, and this is for everyone who was wondering what we were up to xD

Personally I know yingling will talk about the more important things on her blog, but I'm still hesitant to talk about emo stuff here, because unintended things might escape from my cavernous mouth. Just wanted to say that talking was very enjoyable, and waking up to the company of yearmates was a very warm and fuzzy feeling indeed. I didn't think that juniors would cry for us, and their items were very sweet(: and haha sometimes literally sweet, with the abundance of flying sugar bombs. Will be missing rgsrcy lots and lots, especially the juniors. Thanks for all the presents (they looked like they took a whole lot of effort to make, for all 27 of us) "whenever you remember" has been playing in my head all day!

*sigh* had last pop chalet today, and huiqi's blog is very appropriate. go read!
Not posting much today; I think it needs another day to simmer, and I should sleep early. (haha slept for an hour or so today from 6am to 7+ on the comfy comfy couches)

Defining moment, when we were doing year item-
siling (on my left): Oh shit mona's crying. Okay everyone don't cry. *squeezes my shoulder and promptly begins to cry herself*
esther (on my right): *makes sobby noises and continues to sing*
me: *starts panicking, because esther isn't the crying kind, and proceeds to laugh/ cry/ sing/ stop self from crying, all at the same time. *

And then afterwards we talked from 1am-5am-
me: ooh we're having a roundtable discussion!
fiona: No, the table is rectangular.

Really, we only started to talk crap around 3.45, when siling fell asleep.

MOAR TOMORROW/ LATER. have to do this justice.

In other matters, I'm done with catcher in the rye and looking for alaska, both books with boys in boarding schools in them. Strangely, despite the fact that they were written 60 years apart, the themes are very much similar. Will be saving the reviews for cats classified. [I desperately need the munny, after pop presents.]

this is a quick one, because I want to repay my sleep debt.

so this is what I ate/spent:

hot chocolate coffee------------$2
dark knight--------------------$6
nydc mudpie-------------------$13
marks and spencer's biscuits---$5.50
opaque black tights------------$14
total spent: $40.50

and that was my day.

I interrupt the mind-numbing, disappointing, caffiene crash-inducing EYAs to bring you-- Neil Gaiman's definition of slash:

Lastly, for those who wrote to ask what the "slash" in yesterday's entry meant -- and, honestly, I suspect that questions like that are just trying to egg me on -- I give you Mr. G writing on April 10, 2002:
.....slash fiction is basically erotic fan fiction, normally TV series based, pairing off two (er or more I suppose) members of the same sex who don't normally couple for the cameras. From the "/" mark in the middle of "Kirk/Spock" or "K/S" fiction, which is where it all started. ("But Spock," said Kirk, huskily, realising, finally, irrevocably, what his true self had been trying to tell him ever since the beginning of season one, "it's so huge. And it's green." "And it would be logical for you to... touch it, Captain," said Spock. And so on. It's normally written by extremely nice ladies. I have several very sane, respected, and respectable friends who write slash fiction, and do not try to make me read it.)

The Star Trek fandom looks promising...

I can't stand it.
I want to go away for all the wrong reasons.
I don't even have munny to go away.
But I have to go away really really really really really badly.
I have to take this opportunity and RUN FOR IT or I'll be too old, or never get to go anyway.
I'm getting old! I'm 16! I'm not going to be 16 again, ever.
And then before you know it, I'll be 25, and regretting all the things I should have done earlier.
Because when you get old, you get less impressionable, more judgemental, less idealistic... experiencing things won't be the same anymore!

People say it's a big decision, going away, but I've decided. I'm running out the minute... I have the money to. Which is the biggest problem at the moment, besides, of course, my gpa.
Actually regarding money, I can take an education loan and things, but you can't exactly get a loan for your gpa.
Which makes the EYAs seem more like a large green monster, with sharp teeth, a cavernous mouth, and of course the menacing grin.

But but but I so badly want to be financially independent, though of course older more experienced people will go: "You don't know what you're getting yourself into."
*sigh* because being financially independent obviously means more than being able to buy what you want; it entails paying bills, paying income tax, paying off debts, managing the household accounts, GETTING A JOB, among other things.

Another reason why I have to get away, is because my parents have separation anxiety.
Okay going away is not exactly the solution, but I have this theory, that the sooner I go away, the sooner my parents will get used to me moving out permanently.
MY MOM hasn't moved out all her life.
Which will be a *little* problem when I try to convince her.

Said mum has also been looking through my mail. This is preposterous! Isn't it against the law to do that? *will look it up*
I don't look through her mail.
I don't look through her overdue phone bills, credit card bills and traffic fines.

And Kayley from fiveawesomegirls [this group on youtube, which includes kristina from the parselmouths and lauren from the moaning myrtles] is 16. She gets to go to terminus [a hp convention], and is going to azkatraz next year. But it helps that she stays in the same country these things are held.

We're going to have a serious topic today! EYAS.

So lately everyone's been agonising about how close it is, how important it is, how much the teachers haven't covered. It doesn't come as a surprise when people start crying, pulling off all-nighters, complaining, and sometimes acting weirdly. It's scary, a little, how an exam can affect us so much. But looking at the bigger picture, it's not the exam itself, but the implications of having a mediocre gpa, the pressure everyone feels and sometimes the attitudes the teachers have.


Personally, I think the stress everyone feels is exacerbated by the fact that people around you are all studying and worrying about grades, and then you feel like you haven't done enough when people announce how far they are on their revision schedule, or what they have not done. There isn't anything much to solve this problem; most people in our school are like that-- i.e. they need to achieve as much as possible, and do the best they can. They are admirable qualities, and I'm not faulting anyone who is like this. It's just that when you put a bunch of overachievers together [and an underachiever, me, in the mix] the energy/ pressure produced is greatly increased, than if the ratio of overachiever to underachiever (not counting people who are neither) was more equal.

Another factor also increases this stress: teachers. Sometimes it's in an active manner-- take a physics teacher, Mrs Q. She rushes through the syllabus quite quickly, and scares everyone by saying that our exams are near, and leaves lots of time for revision. This pushes people to get cracking on their revision, to bring "good questions" to the next class. Sometimes it's in a passive manner-- a chem teacher, Mr P.S., is very inspired by Socratic questioning and aspires for all of us to attain understanding on our own. Which is great, of course, because I remember things better this way, but not when we're 2 weeks from the EYAs! So people start to panic because there's so much more he has not covered, and they rush to finish the syllabus on their own, and do their own work.

Ah, the consequences of the IP system. If, say, I were having the olevels, I could do all my revision / mugging on my own, because the curriculum is standard and doesn't differ from school to school. It would be so much easier because there's a set syllabus to follow, and if you manage to do well on other school's prelim papers, and keep on doing questions, you're all ready. But the downside is that the olevels test things you learnt in lowersec, so you have to dig up your old notes, and waste time revising them all over again. haha like angle properties of circles. Still, I'm happy that I'll get to finish 6 out of 9 subjects at the end of august, and start celebrating early.