this is a quick one, because I want to repay my sleep debt.

so this is what I ate/spent:

hot chocolate coffee------------$2
dark knight--------------------$6
nydc mudpie-------------------$13
marks and spencer's biscuits---$5.50
opaque black tights------------$14
total spent: $40.50

and that was my day.

I interrupt the mind-numbing, disappointing, caffiene crash-inducing EYAs to bring you-- Neil Gaiman's definition of slash:

Lastly, for those who wrote to ask what the "slash" in yesterday's entry meant -- and, honestly, I suspect that questions like that are just trying to egg me on -- I give you Mr. G writing on April 10, 2002:
.....slash fiction is basically erotic fan fiction, normally TV series based, pairing off two (er or more I suppose) members of the same sex who don't normally couple for the cameras. From the "/" mark in the middle of "Kirk/Spock" or "K/S" fiction, which is where it all started. ("But Spock," said Kirk, huskily, realising, finally, irrevocably, what his true self had been trying to tell him ever since the beginning of season one, "it's so huge. And it's green." "And it would be logical for you to... touch it, Captain," said Spock. And so on. It's normally written by extremely nice ladies. I have several very sane, respected, and respectable friends who write slash fiction, and do not try to make me read it.)

The Star Trek fandom looks promising...

I can't stand it.
I want to go away for all the wrong reasons.
I don't even have munny to go away.
But I have to go away really really really really really badly.
I have to take this opportunity and RUN FOR IT or I'll be too old, or never get to go anyway.
I'm getting old! I'm 16! I'm not going to be 16 again, ever.
And then before you know it, I'll be 25, and regretting all the things I should have done earlier.
Because when you get old, you get less impressionable, more judgemental, less idealistic... experiencing things won't be the same anymore!

People say it's a big decision, going away, but I've decided. I'm running out the minute... I have the money to. Which is the biggest problem at the moment, besides, of course, my gpa.
Actually regarding money, I can take an education loan and things, but you can't exactly get a loan for your gpa.
Which makes the EYAs seem more like a large green monster, with sharp teeth, a cavernous mouth, and of course the menacing grin.

But but but I so badly want to be financially independent, though of course older more experienced people will go: "You don't know what you're getting yourself into."
*sigh* because being financially independent obviously means more than being able to buy what you want; it entails paying bills, paying income tax, paying off debts, managing the household accounts, GETTING A JOB, among other things.

Another reason why I have to get away, is because my parents have separation anxiety.
Okay going away is not exactly the solution, but I have this theory, that the sooner I go away, the sooner my parents will get used to me moving out permanently.
MY MOM hasn't moved out all her life.
Which will be a *little* problem when I try to convince her.

Said mum has also been looking through my mail. This is preposterous! Isn't it against the law to do that? *will look it up*
I don't look through her mail.
I don't look through her overdue phone bills, credit card bills and traffic fines.

And Kayley from fiveawesomegirls [this group on youtube, which includes kristina from the parselmouths and lauren from the moaning myrtles] is 16. She gets to go to terminus [a hp convention], and is going to azkatraz next year. But it helps that she stays in the same country these things are held.

We're going to have a serious topic today! EYAS.

So lately everyone's been agonising about how close it is, how important it is, how much the teachers haven't covered. It doesn't come as a surprise when people start crying, pulling off all-nighters, complaining, and sometimes acting weirdly. It's scary, a little, how an exam can affect us so much. But looking at the bigger picture, it's not the exam itself, but the implications of having a mediocre gpa, the pressure everyone feels and sometimes the attitudes the teachers have.


Personally, I think the stress everyone feels is exacerbated by the fact that people around you are all studying and worrying about grades, and then you feel like you haven't done enough when people announce how far they are on their revision schedule, or what they have not done. There isn't anything much to solve this problem; most people in our school are like that-- i.e. they need to achieve as much as possible, and do the best they can. They are admirable qualities, and I'm not faulting anyone who is like this. It's just that when you put a bunch of overachievers together [and an underachiever, me, in the mix] the energy/ pressure produced is greatly increased, than if the ratio of overachiever to underachiever (not counting people who are neither) was more equal.

Another factor also increases this stress: teachers. Sometimes it's in an active manner-- take a physics teacher, Mrs Q. She rushes through the syllabus quite quickly, and scares everyone by saying that our exams are near, and leaves lots of time for revision. This pushes people to get cracking on their revision, to bring "good questions" to the next class. Sometimes it's in a passive manner-- a chem teacher, Mr P.S., is very inspired by Socratic questioning and aspires for all of us to attain understanding on our own. Which is great, of course, because I remember things better this way, but not when we're 2 weeks from the EYAs! So people start to panic because there's so much more he has not covered, and they rush to finish the syllabus on their own, and do their own work.

Ah, the consequences of the IP system. If, say, I were having the olevels, I could do all my revision / mugging on my own, because the curriculum is standard and doesn't differ from school to school. It would be so much easier because there's a set syllabus to follow, and if you manage to do well on other school's prelim papers, and keep on doing questions, you're all ready. But the downside is that the olevels test things you learnt in lowersec, so you have to dig up your old notes, and waste time revising them all over again. haha like angle properties of circles. Still, I'm happy that I'll get to finish 6 out of 9 subjects at the end of august, and start celebrating early.

SAVE THE QUIBBLER FROM THE MINISTRY"S LIES

The free-for-download voldermort album has been on repeat in my mp3 for a while. Though it's a little late to fangirl over it since it was released last year... but it's still good! OOH and the moaning myrtles and the parselmouths' new albums are good too :D BECAUSE OF WIZARD ROCK I DON'T FEEL TRANSPARENT ANYMORE! Discovered roonil wazlib and gred and forge! *is reminded to send geeru and felicia music* Go to their music myspaces! Buy it if you have paypal/a credit card!

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Heh this is coming one week late, but yearmates made apcg week all that better <3 I want to hug you all to bits! [yingling will be very happy xD] On thursday during faduty we just talked and talked and talked because there weren't many casualties, and um did work together and I shared my pins [free!] and chatted from 2-9pm. Made faduty a lot more interesting! Though I wouldn't have minded being treated to ben&jerry's...
And then on saturday very harkworking yearmates all did math, which made having all the pts and math that more bearable, because I was staring at the teetering pile of work all week. And if the people around you are doing work, it's not that difficult to do math too, especially since math is so easy to put off.
And cac! esther huiqi fangyi jane yingling sihui evon junru siling all came down and we screamed (yay) and I want to hug all the juniors (not just the cac ones) now since we're having the last training next week. *sniffs* I'm going to miss everybody loads :'( Actually I want to hug everyone a million times over. [how many times have I said that in this entry?!]

Okay if I go on anymore it's going to turn sappy [in a bad way], so I'll stop right about here.

Oh jeez people are going to hug ME once they've read this.

Concealment

Yay I am starting to put titles! People will actually know what I am writing about! :D

You see, there are a four types of blogposts:
1) blogs which say what you did that day, etc.
2) blogs which describe your angst in as much detail as possible without incriminating anyone.
3) blogs which use... codewords and mysterious language so that the reader's curiosity is piqued, but if he's not in your circle, he won't know what you're talking about.
4) blogs for FANGIRLING/FANBOYING!

So. There is a reason why I'm not overly angsty on here nowadays, and not being what sihui calls a mature person. Partly because I see no point in hinting at something that you want people you know to know and people you don't know not to know, because you might as well tell your friends about your angst straight, end of story. Also because I'm not a very... open person and would prefer that the less people know about me, (other than various fangirl inclinations) the better. Of course it helps a great deal if you share your troubles, and your friends know, and then they counsel you [other than awful school counsellors] and you feel better. But I don't see the need for the whole world to know about my personal life, however much I need comforting. It's not professional, because, well, orson scott card and gaiman don't do that on their blogs, and you know, if you want people to see you as being credible about the issues you're talking about and not overly emotional, you just won't make an angsty entry public.

Though there are people who get by the distinctions just fine by friends-locking their angsty entries and making the fangirly ones public, like chanel. Or there are people who f-lock their entire blog, which is kind of safer. But I don't think I can do that because I don't have a lot of human traffic as it is xD and the exhibitionist in me actually wants people to see what I think.

It all depends on what the purpose of your blog is, I guess. Gaiman's purpose is to update his fans about his appearances and what he's working on, so it's more work-related stuff interspersed with general what-I-did-today. Xiaxue's purpose is to get as many people visiting her site as possible, so she posts lots of pictures, controversial entries, bitching and the lot. She does live on the ads, after all. Yearmates are more like food-for-thought people, and they use their blogs to think out their theories and views on what is happening, hence the insightful reflective entries.

Reader, think about your blog (if you have one) and what it means to you. What makes you update it regularly? What makes you put in effort to structure and organise your entries? What makes you practice self-censorship? In all, consider the reason why you write what you do, to make your entries more meaningful, not to other people, but to YOU.

whoa! Three weeks was a long time.

Oh, and if you were wondering about the library thing, I have been sitting on the first and only entry since school started, and I AM NOT GOING ANYWHERE. Maybe because I'm being perfectionist, because the book reviews are an hour at most... maybe it would be faster if I just typed the stupid thing out. I think the library is not very happy with me, because as a friend of the library you have to do an orientation course before you can start on any actual (i.e. physical, non-blogging) volunteer work, and I missed it, without rsvp-ing. I mean I confirmed my attendance 2 weeks before, and woke up late on the day itself >( Have I said this before? Well I'm saying it again for emphasis. But I think I underestimated how long it would take to get there, because it was at Jurong West Community Library, and it was 1 1/2 hours actually by bus. Oh dear and because I don't normally go there I thought it wouldn't take too long. Right. End of rant.

So for the library blog I've been thinking of possible topics. The first one I've been sitting on is about Cons. (where like-minded fans meet up and have panels, not disadvantages, nor incidents where people get scammed.) And then maybe I'll do a couple book reviews as filler? Or I can talk about threadbangers, or bookmooch and freecycle, and plug that. [threadbangers is a DIY sewing channel on youtube, and freecycle is this network for people to exchange unwanted items] Or I can talk about how lousy school counsellors are. [unqualified generalisation] Urgh because a couple days ago I had all these ideas bubbling in my head, and now apparently gas is not produced because electrolysis has ceased and I can't remember them anymore. Ohoh one thing I thought of is my experiences on the singapore transport system. Interesting! heh. Why people choose to stare into blank space while commuting and not try to do something constructive- the subways in Boston, MA are more interesting than that. People will come in droves to read me! I will be adored by whoever reads the library blog! I will get offered a column in a major newspaper!

Speaking of newspapers, Dr [S]akhar (sp?) recommended The Guardian (UK) and The Atlantic ____ (US) instead of newsweek to read for english/ current affairs. And I was quite puzzled (yeah, you know me, I'm not a very discerning reader) because I thought newsweek was quite enjoyable, and informative. Maybe this is because I don't really read international newspapers, but I really thought their coverage of the US elections was quite thorough. And I also subconsciously like it partly because they're pro-democrat, and so am I -_-" So my household subscribes to The Economist as well, and even though they tend to have more international stories than newsweek, does it mean that they are both substandard? I'm not saying newsweek is better or anything; because any other paper is better than The Straits Times, and I have nothing to compare newsweek/economist to. I like the international herald tribune because of its arts section, and I've read the new york times and washington post. The question, then, ultimately is: how do I tell if a periodical is good, if well-known and established ones are not? I think I shall go look up copies of The Guardian the library has.

hey, haven't been updating lately. that's because of my lack of internet access! I have to go to school or the internet cafe to use it. And also because I'm contributing things to the NLB blog for my sl project, so I won't be posting here for a while.

let's see... oh singtel's automated answering service is very annoying. It keeps on making you dial the number over and over again, and THEN it says to use the line that your're calling regarding, so I had to look for the phone line connected to the modem, figure out which number it is [there were a total of 3 numbers to choose from and I kept trying different combinations of line and number] and try not to run out of tries-- they give you 3 tries and hang up on you >( Thank goodness the phone was right next to the computer. haha and then I was so happy at FINALLY got to speak to a human voice that when the operator answered I cheered and I'm so glad she didn't hang up on me. Guess what the problem was? Billing issues. [again] oh jeez not that I'm complaining, but it always happens. I should be grateful that I even have internet at all. At least I'm spending less time on the computer because of this, and prioritising internet use.

Orson Scott Card liked Prince Caspian too! :D please go watch it; it's really good-- much much better than the book. Ooh I have a pair of free gv movie tickets-- anyone wants a movie on me? haha the only condition is that you have to watch caspian.

Prince Caspian Review!
[spoilers begin]I LOVED IT! It was really much darker and grittier this time, complete with angst on the part of Peter (William Moseley) and Prince Caspian (This guy who was in history boys). It's more depressing than the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, obviously but there still runs a "Aslan saves the day" thread. The religious undertones in this one were quite evident, too, when Aslan only appears in front of Lucy but not the others, and when Aslan is represented as this disembodied voice. Also a carving of him is in the stone table chamber, and in the movie, he is represented as this huge foil to the white witch, which peter then is remorse in front of.

Gosh I sound like I haven't read the book yet, but the last time I read it it was when LWW came out, so I can't really remember. But the most significant images that left an impression on my first reading when I was quite young were the hag -werewolf- nikibrik fight, and that turned out to be really good. Though I really wanted to see bacchus and the naiads and dryads dancing in the streets at the end/ defeating the telmarines. I mean in the books there were 2 kinds of trees, right? The old ones, like ents, as featured in the movie and the dryads and nymph-like dancing women. The trees weren't that...alive in the movie than in the book. I think you know what I mean. Okay enough nitpicking.

Lucy's (Georgie Henley) performance was very believeable, in the Aslan scenes especially. I mean when you're a child it's easier for you to imagine and interact with something that isn't actually there, right? So her interactions with Aslan were more beliveable than say Moseley's or Anna Popplewell's (Susan). But they were all great as actors and they were very true to the spirit of the books. The chemistry between them is great, too, when they trust each other and the conversations now are geared more toward an adult audience, because there's some induction involved. I like the way they communicate; like they're not just spiteful to someone without a reason, and there are bits where they hint that peter and susan are getting too old for narnia and they need to be moving on.

Another thing I liked were the epic battle scenes, and grim mood throughout. and the way they illustrated the fauns, centures and minators. It was more lord of the rings, than, say, philosopher's stone, which is good. Something which I really really hate is the way the director tried to sneak in the susan/ CASPIAN pairing oh god that was the worst. I mean it's not evident in the book but if you read especially into it, it might be, but it made susan seem so... old. Oh but she is but the pairing is simply AWFUL because Ben Barnes (caspian) had to put on this really fake telmarine accent. And in the movie he is dark. has long hair. is repulsive. And in some ways he should be more of a monach than someone who fancies susan. [spoilers end]

you must think: finally! I am writing an entry! after the myas. and I am!

On Prom/ Farewell Alma Mater

A while ago nicolelin liang and sihui were talking about prom and things, and it got me thinking. I what IS the whole point of FAM? To get people to show off their dresses, to have dinner, to have a good time with friends while watching other friends vie for ms farewell alma mater (did I get that right?) It sounds kind of boring, to say the least. Okay I think I might go, just to make people happy, but a sit-down dinner will be kind of boring. And the other day we had to vote for the themes? Some people have already brought their dresses anyway; it's not like kids in our school are willing to modify their outfit to suit the theme. No offence to the organising committee of course. I've heard people planning to go in tuxes, which would be really fun. Other than that, when you see photos, everyone just wears more or less the same thing. Honestly, with no relation to the theme.

I think if I ever go, I'm going to make my own dress, with the help of some patterns from the threadbanger forums. And I'm only going to go if there's dancing. We could go to an afterparty afterward! Or do something interesting other that staying in the hotel room watching tv. A movie marathon sounds good. Or walking around the streets at night, although illegal. Or go to the park and run around and play in the playground or just go somewhere to talk.

Farewell Alma Mater is just a formality after all. A celebratory farewell dinner with bells and whistles. A night you're supposed to remember as the last time you're ever in secondary school. A night where people turn up for the sake of it.

hihello I'm posting now so that I woun't come online tonight; can't fail math tomorrow. oh jeez I think I've unplugged myself too much. As in you know disassociated and taken away. because i've been losing things. And I never ever lose things. Things like my waterbottle and pencils and chemnotes when may seem insignificant, but it's difficult for me to lose things. When I travel, even if I've lost something, I KNOW I've lost it, but this time I just don't know immediately that I've left it somewhere; I only know if I've lost it when I'm looking for the item. And I've kept the water bottle for 4 years already and not lost it. Right that sounds gross. And that time I left my jacket in the melbourne holiday inn -.- I didn't even notice till 24 hours after we left. And it's not like a tiny item, say a pencil. Do you know how big a jacket is??? Urgh I need to plug myself back in, though I don't think I can anymore. I spend... 75% of the time unplugged just so I won't act like a big emotional wuss. It's like a coping mechanism I can't do without. I used to sm, (safely, of course) and it helped for a while but sometimes it just makes it worse):

okay on JC. I don't want to go to RJ. really. This sounds really ungrateful and all, since some people would die to get there. But I don't,. It's like in Never Let Me Go, and when the people "graduate" they go to the cottages and it's where everyone goes and it's practically a given that you go there; it would be just weird if you didn't. Okay, in the year above me, not everyone went to RJ; some went to NJ or HC, but I might not want to go there either. :/ Though I don't think I can get in. Because you have to get >2.8 to get into RJ, I have a really bad feeling I won't even be able to meet that. [sidenote: the lead singer of The Parselmouths hasn't gotten below a 3.5gpa before o: and this made me think, more later.] I mean when you have a reputation of being this psychopathic addict in the staffroom, how much of a testimonial can you get? Although, granted, my results aren't dependent on how I come accross, and I should buck up on math and physics and LIT OF ALL THINGS oh you know, on just about every subject.

Back to The Parselmouths. So I saw her vid yesterday, and I thought: What the freaking hell am I doing with my life?! Bumming around, not bothering, disconnecting, and look at her! she writes fiction, gets a good gpa, did nanowrimo TWICE, is in a touring band... and she's still about 20 or so. And I felt really stupid. I mean I don't think I can even get a job with this attitude, never mind getting a job that I enjoy. What am I? This fat leech that eats and sleeps all day. It would be a miracle if I could get through to uni even: just look at my report book! Although everyone expects you to go to uni, and get not just a degree, but at least a masters. I mean in my school it's taken for granted that you'll go to uni, then be a good public servant or ceo or politician or specialist and be really outstanding... right someone's asking me to study so that's it for now I guess

Here I am, sitting here, stealing internet from the school... not that many people are on the server right now. Is that the correct word? God I suck at computer-related things. I can't do html, I can't do photoshop, can't do EXCEL and all the crazy functions, can't do movie maker... [which is what I really want right now after being inspired by the vlogs on youtube. look up lemonfacee, mememolly, billilovesmargot! they're very cool and funny. lemonfacee has this cute except of The Adventures of Fanboy And Goth Girl... and there's this rhodo-something person >< she's friends with lemonfacee and some other uk youtubers... *sigh* just go look all their friends up; it's this big cool community of artsy and funny people who range from being 15 to people in their 30s]

Somebody tell me to stop using ellipses. As I was saying, hang on what WAS I saying? Oh I wasn't really saying anything. Just that when they decided to teach us excel and html and photoshop at school I was not listening/ have forgotten everything now. haha the only thing I remotely remember listening to were when we learnt how to make webpages using this program and I discovered fronskifeint in p5 and I was making a harry-potter themed website. Yeah yeah, an emerson spartz hopeful. Though that website kind of turned into hpzlotrz.blogspot.com and I'm so glad I deleted it (actually mum made me delete it; though that's another story) because the url itself is embarrassing. musicroom was like this concurrent project; originally it was a joint blog from oh p5 (again) where I would put news about simple plan and 987fm *cringes* thank goodness I don't have public archives. And there you go! A brief history. So this blog is 5 years old this year! I don't know when is it's birthday, though. But 5 years is pretty momentuous, don't you think?

Let's see. I should be going on a brief hiatus like huiqi because the myas are on; and everyone seems to know that I really need to study, heh. But I feel I have to put something up because the last time I did that was 2 weeks ago? or so and I didn't want to leave the blog to die. Not that anyone reads it though; I signed up for a blog counter and NOONE, I repeat, noone, not even a bot, has visited the site in the past week. So I can say whatever I damn well want. Woot! *throws inner editor out of the window*

After the myas I want to go shoe shopping! because *someone* has stolen my black flats xD not that I really want to buy another pair of black flats but what about sandals? or sneakers? because shoes are the one thing I can't buy online because of the weight and the fit--- I have small feet): and delias sometimes doesn't even stock my size. It was difficult enough to find something that fit me in london. I think I'll buy heels. But I want a nice pair of sneakers/ high tops so I don't have to wear running shoes if I don't want to wear school shoes. And I want heels maybe because flats don't exactly go with everything.

I don't know how to conclude this. I'll probably won't update in the near future because I'm terribly behind in Math and physics and bio [30%] D: plus lit SA was terribly depressing.

I visit the rgs congress forum sometimes, but lately it's been getting irritating because on some threads, when something is a common problem, everyone goes and describes the problem she has. In the end, the posts in the thread tend to repeat themselves because everyone has just described her problem that has been talked about at least 10 times before by other people. bchew has already asked people to come up with constructive strategies that actually help to solve the problem; but no one seems to take note. There aren't really a lot of alternative perspectives because everyone just sits around whining about things.

And for some contentious topics such as "to have an SA week or not" there is no definite solution because last year people _hated_ SA weeks because they didn't have time to study and then now people _want_ SA weeks. And someone said (sorry if I'm not crediting you!) that the grass would always look greener on the other side, and I absolutely agree. I bet if they implement SA week again people will want the SAs to be spread out. Therefore, to solve the problem, the school should have SA week only every other year, so people are kept happy. :)

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I just told someone to f___ off. [don't worry, the person isn't a friend nor family] Two years ago, I swore that I would never do this kind of thing, and then now I'm saying it in my head all the time. It's awful, crude, disgusting, and immature. But after I told that person to go away, I felt oddly satisfied. And relieved. But it's just a stupid word! And I felt better than if I would have used any other word. ._. I think I have succumbed to insidious influences. Not that I would shriek and run away if I heard someone say it, but I'm using it once too often.

Morgan used to say it all the time though, and I assume goth girl does as well, and they both had this "I don't care" vibe, i.e. sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. (okay that was a little ironic.) Gaiman uses it. Margaret Atwood uses it. So why can't I? Because it demonstrates that I don't have sufficient vocabulary to express myself. So I could have said " stop bugging me, you repressed creep. it's not my fault if no one else wants to talk to you" instead. {even though it isn't eloquent ><}

Okay if I ever ever use this word here, even for effect, someone please flame me/ physically threaten me if it isn't censored. Please.

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AA was really fun! :D and ally was great as the ringmaster!

it's been some time. a week.

let's see. today was ORA. You know in my 4 years in rg, the only time I ever participated in ORA was last year, where you could do a fa duty cum support sch activity, and I didn't really really participate because there wasn't much to do. Ah well. Talk about my school spirit (or lack thereof) I spent my time at home bumming around, doing math, physics, being sloth-like, the works. Imagine! Other people at the wrcd thing, and at ora, and I am at home being a pig. I disgust myself. Mum isn't very approving of me going to school on saturdays though; she thinks the time could be better spent studying, and I did study, so.

The point is that I should be writing more insightful things like yingling does, and not talk about insignificant frivolous things. Though I should be getting around to clearing the computer table; the pile of papers is now high enough that it is partially obscuring the monitor. That's how bad it is.

You know, I've realised that physical boundaries are not enough to keep people together, however much it might help, though. And it's irritating when there's no authority to get people going and to provide the incentive for people to _hand things up on time_ even though this speaks volumes about my assertiveness. I should not focus on myself so much >( I should focus more on other people! It isn't an onion anymore; it's more like battenberg cake. But I'm happy just as long as it's not the red seas, and sometimes crisises help divert focus, so it's not all that bad. idk, the groupie who sleeps with the band, contrary to popular belief, does not know everything. Haha the analogies don't really fit. But they're funny.

stupid. the lit review is STILL pending for me and I'm not doing anything ._. and I expect other people not to be tardy. WHAT AN IRONY.

Had lunch with mich (412) today; haven't talked to her properly in ages! It was quite pleasant and giggly, and I remembered what it was like again, because we laugh about the same things, and I don't get stared at for laughing randomly, because she does too :D And I had a $5.60 milkshake from carl's jr, which was lovely and thick, not like the mcdonalds one [I abhor that place], but overwhelmingly sweet towards the end. Don't buy it unless you feel depressed and need to drown your sorrows in something creamy and saccharine, because it's not worth it otherwise.

What else happened? Oh I made kidney bean stew (yummy) for the protein and it was surprisingly good and moreish :D I made it after midnight, of course. It had green pepper, copious amounts of onion, pepper, cumin, leftover pasta sauce, a can of kidney beans, and korma curry sauce from a jar.

Basically you put vegetable oil, pepper, salt, onions and green peppers in, stir it around a little, then put in the kidney beans. Stir somemore, and I put in pasta sauce and the curry-from-a-jar, and stir as you would stone soup. At this point the mixture will start to smell deelicious, and it's very fun stirring it. Oh put some water in (1/2cup) so it doesn't dry, though now it will look deceptively watery, because it will get thicker later. Then pop the lid on the saucepan and go do the washing up, but stir it every minute, so it doesn't stick to the bottom.

[the recipe I had didn't tell me this, and I thought it was burning when I couldn't get the stuff off the bottom. D< and it did say medium heat. Put it on low just in case. I ended up having to scour the pot ): ]

The waiting's the worst part. You are close enough to smell it, but it isn't quite done yet and you're practically salivating. But patience is a virtue! Listen to your mother. Okay after 10-15 mins, it's done, so scrape as much as you can off the bottom with the wooden spoon and turn off the heat. Then I ladled it into tupperware to freeze and keep, but you can eat yours on the spot if you want. I couldn't help sneaking a few spoonfuls, and it was difficult to stop. Lala.

It freezes quite well, just microwave for one minute, stir, and microwave for another minute when you want to eat. It's okay on its own, but not filling, so I microwaved mine with leftover rice and was good enough for lunch. Even though mine was ugly (a murky brown colour) it leaves you wanting more! and anyway you'll like it better if you cook it yourself(: Let's see. I didn't give any values, because most of them were guesstimates--the values in the recipe was in ounces): and I rounded up a lot. Just put whatever you feel like-- I did 1/4 of a pepper and 1/2 an onion and 1 tbsp of pepper.

okay! and thus ends a long post.

[/edit] OMG I just read this and it turns out the kidney bean stew thing is... chilli! yaya. YEAH. I've always wanted to eat chilli con carne because it's mentioned in a nat king cole song [don't laugh] and then now I realise I've eaten it :D Only "real" chilli in shops always has beef in it): and then I can't eat it and then now I can eat sloppy joes! and make them myself! Next time, I'll put alcohol in it, and more veggies, and crackers.

very very funny xD didn't know the beatles were like that, though I do know they used to "mach schau" in their hamburg days.

IT IS. eleven pm. and I told xavier I would study bio. I have bio- related websites open, but it is not getting in >:( it's just a lot of memorising, not like lit. I have to do well for bio, because my general gpa is falling. [Falling, yes I am falling/ And she keeps calling/ me back again]

and I forgot to mention, like huiqi did, yay rgsrcy for Arts Fest :D Even though some yearmates weren't really satisfied, you will always be winners in our hearts(: Plus the fact that the songs are permanent earworms say something, doesn't it? The sec3s were appropriately emo on saturday; and it was very fun (haha scary) with all the makeup. It was quite deep, actually and had meaning :D The sec2s buying shoes+elastic was really worth the effort. And they learnt the dance steps yingling jiaying huiqi liang taught them quite quickly, too(: Unit Dinner was... an interesting affair. sihui and I were feeling broke and hungry, so shared mushroom ramen and went to mango lingo to get icecream and shakes. yumyum. AND THEN I bought a mocha doughnut on the way home. [someone was craving shilin chicken, btw]

Goth Girl: "Comic book wannabe."
Fanboy: "Ha! Wannabe? You want to talk about that? You're a freakin' Goth wannabe. You're a Neil Gaiman wannabe. You're a suicide wannabe."

very very funny. Fanboy and Goth Girl by Barry Lyga is something I found amongst the new arrivals in the library today :D It's about this comic book geek who gets alienated in school, and then meets Kyra, who reads comic books too, but of the Sandman/ Gaiman variety! (Fanboy reads superhero stuff, x-men, that kind of thing -_-")

It's very unfortunately YA though, like Twilight [stephanie meyer] and Are we There Yet? [David Levithan] I mean mostly YA is lousy. Most of the new arrivals are YA; emo angsty things which revolve around the same themes, but Fanboy is an exception. Pretty soon I'm going to say everything is an exception, at the rate that I'm going, but I digress. I'm quite happy that amongst the new arrivals there's one addressing GLBT issues, like Luna and The Realm of Possibility. ^-^

Go read it! (if you can get ahold of it) I went there before lunch during free block to read it and then after school it was gone! It is that popular. If you get it, can you lend it to me? Please? Actually now all my borrowing spaces are taken up by a Jasper Fforde and andrea's books, but the Fforde is due on thursday-- after bio, luckily-- so I should be able to have spaces then.

Oddly, Fanboy reminds me of Xavier :/

hello world. or whoever's reading this.

right now I am listening to metallica, which is okay, but I can't really hear the lyrics. They have very nice guitar riffs and drum bits, though, which I suppose makes up for it.

I want a drum kit! Or the opportunity to play around with one. Miming with pens along to songs pretending to play is not satisfying enough. Anyone have a drum kit? Then I can come over to bang on it and pretend that I am Ringo Starr. I can't buy one myself, because it's really expensive, at least more than $100. There isn't space for one in my house, and it will annoy my family. Speaking of annoying people, I've heard someone playing the drums before, from someone else's house... or was that in tuition? Sorry, getting mixed up now. Because in chinese tuition there's a music school right beside it and then they have drum lessons while I have chinese lessons, and um sometimes I play along. (kinda) An electronic drum pad isn't loud enough, nor satisfying.

On another tangent, I wonder if bendemeer's band has a drum kit. It would be a big pain in the butt to transport though.

Speaking of vulgar words, I find myself saying them in my head more often these days. You know a while before I did an entry on someone saying f*** left, right and centre on his blog? (sec 2 I think) I kind of sympathise with that person and his need to swear. Though when you think properly, these words are only sounds that happen to offend people with their connotations. Assuming that one needs to swear to release pent-up anger or fustration, it would be more or less the same if they swore with "cantaloupe" or another innocuous word.

This is what Orson Scott Card thinks: "I put "bad" in quotation marks because in my opinion, there are no bad words. There are, however, forbidden words that acquire power within a community because they cause offense or outrage. To use such words with the intention of causing offense is bad. But in the sounds themselves, or even in the meaning, there is nothing intrinsically bad. After all, there is not a single "bad" word for which we do not have other words with the identical meaning which are perfectly acceptable."

Good Luck to everyone in arts fest :D we will own!

*sigh* the only metallica song I kind of like is Enter Sandman...

You know when I first read American Gods at the beginning of sec 2, [I remember not having enough time to read ! oh dear what is this saying about my work ethic] I interpreted it as being slightly moralistic. I thought gaiman was trying to tell people not to forget about their gods, but it felt a bit weird to me at that time because I had read smoke and mirrors before that, and he didn't seem like the moralistic type.

At that time I didn't have much experience with Adult Fiction, so I must have read everything quite literally, like how you read Young Adult fantasy. I also remember taking a long time to read it, firstly because it was quite long, and partly because of the complex themes you need time to think about. Because anyone can plow through, say, GoF quite quickly, and it's probably longer than american gods, it doesn't really have the depth of american gods, so you can read and understand it quite quickly. (sorry, jkr!)

Though now I'm reading it for the second time [gaiman put it up for free; the link is on his website till the end of march], and even though I've mostly forgotten the details of what happens, I think I've got the big picture: about gaiman trying to illustrate the situation of how gods are represented (or misrepresented) in the present, and in the american context, where almost everyone is an immigrant. Immigrants brought their gods, religions and beliefs to america when they migrated there, but right now people see themselves sometimes as american first and their ethnicity second. For example, ethnic Chinese living in the states sometimes see themselves as "American-Chinese" and not Chinese, or chinese-american.

Personally right now I'm reading it with a more open mind than in sec 2, but it's like reading the book for the first time actually, because I rediscover things I missed out, such as the relation of mr nancy to anansi boys. I think this is also partly because I've read some of sandman, (which is um, quite graphic, haha hence graphic novel) so when I come across the sick bits I'm not like: " oooh fascinating!" but "what is the significance of this to plot/ themes/ characterisation?" HAHAHAHA I've been studying hedda gabler, okay.

let's end with a quotable philo quote: "All we have to believe with is our senses, the tools we use to perceive the world: our sight, our touch, our memory. If they lie to us, then nothing can be trusted. And even if we do not believe, then still we cannot travel in any other way than the road our senses show us; and we must walk that road to the end."

Was browsing people's wishlists on BookMooch, and I saw that many many people have neil gaiman or the sandman series on their wishlists! Is there hope for a future Con(vention)? Meaning like a comic con, what they have in the states, or orbital, the con that gaiman is guest-honouring RIGHT NOW over the easter weekend, at this very moment. Gosh I sound like a fangirl. But I AM a fangirl! :D Orbital is the British National Science Fiction Convention, also known as Eastercon because it's held over the easter holidays. They have very very cool programmes lined up from friday to monday, which include SLASH DISCUSSION! yay *hyperventilates* I mean where else do hordes of people gather legitimately to talk about slash??? It's adults only, though): I count as an adult. If adult = not a kid. I am fifteen! And mature enough to talk about slash without breaking into giggles, really. Grr it says adult programming means no under 18s. But won't they need a voice representing the sexually repressed youth of today? Won't it vary the discussion and give an alternate perspective?

And then they have this thing called Rope Bondage Workshops o_o for people like geri, and mich [not the 415 one] I suppose. xD I didn't know so many people were into these things to have special classes for them.

The con programme is so long that it fills up more than 10 pages. I want a con like that in our region! There are so many people in the uk who like SF to validate a con like this... what about the leisure reading scene in singapore? Other than nanowrimo, or random poetry slams, they hardly do anything to prove their existence. But it could be that I'm not in their circles so I don't really know what's going on, but the bottom line is: we should have a fantasy/SF/ or YA (young adult) con. One that is actually affordable for regional fangirls (and fanboys) to attend. Partly because lately I've read so much about cons on neil gaiman's and orson scott card's blogs: the terry prachett discworld one in Pheonix, Arizona, the pending YA con which wanted to invite Madeline L'engle as GOH, the comic con that maddy, (gaiman's daughter) got to go to >( and the list goes on. I think the closest things we have to a con in singapore are things like cosfest, but these only serve the people who read/watch animae/manga. Though if we had a really general con- like the comic con- there could be a masquerade, like in orbital, where people walk down a runway like a fashion show, and show off their costumes. We could even invite local writers as GOH, since what are the chances of, say, Jasper Fforde coming to singapore just for a con that hasn't established a reputation?

Though looking at the volunteer list for a con, I didn't realise that there were so many things to do in preparation: you have to book a venue/hotel, invite GOHs, get retailers in the Dealer's room (where they sell their stuff), get people to do lights/ logistics for things like the discos and masquerade, get the website and publicity up, plan the programme, print and pack guides for people attending the con, and people who keep track of people who sign up/ have to pay for a con ticket. So I suppose there are professional event management people who do this in singapore, but traditionally people not in the exco are volunteers, so it keeps costs down for attendees.