Quote from AFP: (heh amanda palmer, not agency france-presse)

"Being alone is hugely important. I've often thought that if I'd had the internet as a teenager, I may never have become a good songwriter. I think would have been too addicted to all of the wonderful possibilities online - I was a very connection-hungry kid. But that time to INCUBATE as an artist, to really spend a lot of time alone and improvising and being bored and finding ways to fill up space, that's what made me blossom creatively. It took SPACE. I'll be really interested to see what happens with the next generation. The ones who are more tempted to play guitar hero than play guitar. But once again, I don't think there's a "better" or "worse"....I think it might just be a breeding ground for a new type of artist."

from http://www.hypebot.com/hypebot/2009/07/interview-amanda-palmer.html hypebot.com, in an email interview.

As good an argument as any to get my butt off the computer and start writing/ reading critically... and pass my Alevels.

Alas, I am wraught with a terrible inertia. (excuses.)
And a bad "I have to finish this, so I'll pull an all-nighter" work ethic.
Have been sleeping 2-3 hours a night for the past three days, and running on $1 coffee. That might explain the jumpiness and extreme emotions.

Hello readers. I suppose now you're going to get a blow-by-blow account of my reactions to what is happening RE: hbp and my video on BestWishesFromNL.

I subbed for Jonneke yesterday on the channel, and it took a freaking NINE HOURS to upload and a lot of agonising but it's up and I'm so ~happy! Have to find synonyms for happy; I'm using it too much. Right. I feel lucky! delighted! joyful! ecstatic! glad! no not just glad but very very satisfied and um Ah Ha. I am THRILLED.

There's only 1 tiny problem: I can't bring myself to watch it. I mean after I've edited the video it's hard to watch myself once it's uploaded because it's so mortifying. The thought that other people have actually watched you... do stuff is so scary. [lack of vocabulary much?] Okay in short: I am embarrassed of myself.

And I find myself questioning, over and over and over again:
Was I in the right mind while doing this?
Do I need Prozac?
What the heck was I thinking?!
aaand ohmygoodness I can't believe people are actually watching this.

Am going to squee on the blog mostly, I think, because people in real life would go: "What's a nerdfighter?" And think I am crazy for screaming, happy-dancing and mock-fainting. Because that's what I was doing (embarrassingly) when I was watching HBP.

Speaking of HBP, *spoiler alert* did anyone catch the reference to the Parselmouths when Hermione is at dinner with Slughorn, and she's like: "My parents are dentists, that means they fix teeth." ?
From "What Kind of Name is Hermione?" :
Have you heard that her parents are dentists? (Dentists?)
That means they pick around in dirty muggles' teeth. (Ew!)

Okay on hindsight it may not be a reference, but if you actually watched the movie, slughorn's like: "Your parents are muggles?" And the whole table turns and stares at her.

And during the felix felicis part I just kept on thinking about the Harry and the Potters song!
There's a part where someone mentions "Slug Club", and I squealed aloud -_-' because then I thought of Scarhead and HatP.

After the movie Nat and I were chatting:

NAT: Did you see Snape? He was like: *scowls*
ME: More like *smoulders*. Did you see the part where he pushes draco up against the wall?

I was talking about all the smutty snape bits, and Nat (who is not the slashy type) had to shush me and go "That is not the focus! The point is his acting skills!"

I was a little disturbed by the part where Ginny goes to Harry: "Oh, shoelace." *bends down to tie it*
And then she rises, trying to keep as much eye contact with Harry as possible. It's so suggestive! No you have to go watch it's so funny.

After that it's "Merry Christmas, Harry." Loved the way Bonnie Wright delivered the line, packed with meaning and sadness and all. But... isn't this supposed to happen in DH? The part where Harry is leaving the Burrow and then Ginny invites him into her room and goes: "Here's your birthday present. *Snogs*"

Would jump at the chance to see it again, since geeru and michele haven't watched it yet. Will bring a notebook and write down all the references and nifty things I want to talk about.

[/edit] Amidst all the hype, I forgot to mention the ginny/harry kiss! For the record, it was so much better than the harry/cho one: quality trumps quantity. Just because cho got more action doesn't mean the scene was *good*-- there was no subtlety in the cho kiss, just a lot of "wow harry's first girlfriend wow better take your time!" The way ginny and harry kissed was more adult but they were more comfortable around each other, so you KNOW ginny's in it for the long run. Cho's kiss felt more like Harry liked the novelty of having a girlfriend-- very lavender brown, actually.

And! I absolutely adored Helena Bonham-Carter in this one-- she made bellatrix seem less like a bitch and more like a crazy person I'd make friends with. But she's not so much scary as schitzo, which might undermine her power/ meaness/ malice as a character.

--Reading Hayley's and Kristina's blogs, and Kayley's and alwayspureblood's videos, hence the intermittent commenting--

Think nat and I like the scriptwriter [Steve Kloves] this time because the lines were actually _good_ and packed with meaning. I mean within the constraints of a movie there's only so much you can say, but every line had a purpose. [comedic humour doesn't really count] Like you have to listen really carefully because the lines convey as much as they're supposed to, and more. It was also lovely that the first few bits of the movie were quoted word for word from the book, I kid you not.

Though. I sorely missed the King's Cross part; it was the scene I was looking forward to the most. Provides closure and everything. The underground scene at the beginning is a good effort to allude to King's Cross, though. OH I know why they couldn't do King's Cross-- they've renovated the station a lot, so it wouldn't look the same as Philosopher's Stone.

AHHHH

OH MY GOODNESS

OH

I THINK I'M GOING TO FAINT.

I come back from HBP, and there are a TON omg omg omg of new subscribers omgomg omg omgomg I haven't even read them yet.

There are 11 new emails in my gmail inbox, 7 of them are youtube-related, and I HAVE 5 NEW SUBSCRIBERS.

I mean on a good day I only get 1 or 2 youtube messages and they're mostly advertisements, or "come watch this!" and today ahh OMG I totally didn't expect such a reaction. !!! *so insanely excited*

OH MY GOODNESS this means I have viewers! Who actually watch!

I've never had viewers or readers before.

if you'll notice, the blogposts lately seem to be CAPS CAPS CAPS and are usually either intensely angry/ annoyed, or intensely excited, but I tend only to blog about exciting things. And this blog is mainly for ranting, and an outlet for fangirling. Will try to moderate my emotions somewhat.

Even though people who know me in real life think I'm dull, mild and boring. Psychoanalyse my blog! :D :D :D

The other day I was having an English lesson, and we were reading an essay about new media vs traditional media. The writer talks about the evolution of media in the introduction, and the following conversation ensues:

STUDENT: What is movable type?
TEACHER: Um, I don't know. Portable type, I guess?

Issue #1: !!! wtf The essay was talking about movable type in the 16TH CENTURY yeah there were PORTABLE TYPEWRITERS in the 16th century, right? I mean the sentence even mentioned "printing press"-- isn't that an anvil-sized hint that maybe portable typewriters wasn't what the author was referring to?

From wiki: "Movable type is the system of printing and typography that uses movable components to reproduce the elements of a document (usually individual letters or punctuation)."

MAYBE my classmate was just trying to kid the teacher. But still! Argh how can you be so ignorant. This is the reason why I so badly want/ need to be somewhere else.

Issue #2: I was too hesitant/ too stupid/ lacking guts to correct the teacher and say something to the contrary. Out of my class of 22, no one else bothered to correct her either. [but that is not the issue] The issue is that I should have more gumption to correct her. If people in the class genuinely didn't know what "movable type" meant, they would go home with the wrong impression, all because I was too lazy to say something. Really, I'm just a selfish, spiteful idiot.

I haven't posted in ages! To a certain extent I think twitter takes the place of this. For those of you not following me on twitter, I have NEWS.

I've won a book!!!! Extreme Kissing by Luisa Plaja, all thanks to Ink and Paper Specials' Sex in Teen Lit Month.

So there. In Yo Face.

(To detractors: yes a YA book isn't much, and a month dedicated to YA sometimes doesn't sound like very in-depth reading, but Sex and the way it is portrayed to teen readers is important. Partly because teen readers are so impressionable, and partly because adults/ readers in general want to make sure that young adults get the right information about sex: what it is and what it isn't.

And sometimes people have different ideas about what is "right information" for teens. Should there be graphic sex scenes? Should there be clear messages/ preaching in the book? What about abortion and safe sex?

Sex is also more than intercourse itself: in Sweet-Valley- High type novels, the "good girl" doesn't want it at all, but the "bad girl" does. Does that mean that girls shouldn't have the urge to have sex at all? Guys, also, do not just have One Thing and one thing only on their minds. )

Further Discussion! over at http://inkandpaperspecials.blogspot.com/

She only has 26 blog followers! So go follow. There are reviews of YA novels, interviews with YA authors, as well as discussions. (Jo, the reviewer, replies to most comments!) Ink and Paper Specials is also on twitter: http://twitter.com/jo_scrawls

Okay after I put the link to Sex in Teen Lit Month in the sidebar --->
(proper writeup for that in due time, I've got 15 min to do this post)

I feel that a more dignified blogpost is warranted! No silly rants about movies or wasted money. None 0f that frivolous, trite stuff. Today I am going to blog about something that is of grave importance.



*drumroll*




Oh my goodness I simply cannot wait!!!! *squee* Oh my goodness Oh how long have I waited for this movie to come out!

(YEAH boycotters, what are you going to do now, huh? When almost EVERYONE is squeeing and planning gatherings for the premiere in MAJOR CITIES. )

I cannot imagine that it's only a little more than one week to its release! Have been waiting and waiting and waiting since november when they postponed it, and even before that we were all waiting and WB released promo material already and they HAD to postpone it...

No matter! I am loyal to the fandom! (Not to mention to those in the film industry.) I will watch it! On the 16th of july! On the 15th if I can score tickets/ permission.

I will find someone to go with me! (Finally, the one potter thing where I know people in the area.) If YOU, lucky person, would like to go with me, I will be going on the evening of the 16th most probably. So comment! Email! elocin12@gmail.com and we will ~gather~ and fangirl/boy and squee. I will be taking video! So Be Warned.

The following is a extended rant/ complaint, so HEADS UP PEOPLE.

Argh I know this sounds selfish but I don't want to want Transformers 2. I mean REALLY? You really think I like watching movies of that nature? There's nothing good on and the reason why I don't watch movies in theatres because I hate wasting money on a horrible 2-3 hours. And argh I only spend when I KNOW the movie is going to be reasonably good, (haha this means I only watch 1-2 movies a year out of my own volition) which means I don't mind spending on HBP.

Yes I sound ridiculously poor but the cheapest movie ticket is $6 and that's on weekdays and I'd rather spend on bookmooch/ youswop postage or postage to friends than on MOVIES which are like consciously condemning yourself to a bad time. If you watch a crappy movie. I might be only talking like this because the last movie I saw was race to witch mountain, and I thought they'd stopped making movies with awful writing. But they didn't, so.

I am not willing to take the risk of Transformers turning out to be a cheesy, I-am-going-to-puke-movie. That's what I felt when I watched Witch Mountain. If the writing is horrible (which it probably will be) I swear I will walk out and go cd-hunting. No matter who I'm watching it with.

This is bordering on being pretentious but I _wanted_ to watch Hannah Montana which is practically the movie that tops B grade movies. This says volumes about my taste.

Oh great oh great I really don't want to spend my after-exam-time with lavender brown. I mean I keep thinking of all the post-midyears, and how incomparable they are to what I'm going to do tomorrow. 2 years ago I went out with charisse and michele shopping for SIX HOURS and I didn't regret/ dread it at all. And I never used to willingly go out with someone when I know I'm going to have an unpleasant time.

And then last year me and geeru went to the science centre after lunch with michele and nat. Although that sounds dorky, it was quite intriguing, and I had fun being defeatist with witty geeru who was nice enough to agree with my crazy ideas. I remember a conversation from that day-- we wanted to find out how to acquire a tourist map, in order to figure out where to go.

Okay tomorrow if I really hate it I can fake sick and go make/ edit videos and acquire books and everything will be better.

Another something on Hard Work by Orson Scott Card:

"How about opportunity? The great geniuses of the home computer revolution all seemed to be born at around the same time -- three or four years after me. (Which is fine -- I wouldn't have been in the running because I didn't care enough.)

What was so magical about 1954 and 1955? Because these kids were coming of age at precisely the time when computers transitioned from punch cards to terminals with screens. Instead of carrying your computer program in a shoebox, it was stored electronically, and you could change it on a screen.

So if you were just as smart, and just as in love with computers, but were already out of college as a punch-card computer programmer, the revolution took place under your nose -- but you weren't really part of it. And if you were just as smart, etc., but were born three years later, when you got to the party the punch was already gone.

But it's more than talent, and more than luck. How about 10,000 hours?

The number is approximate, but that's about how much practice and work the "geniuses" put into their careers to take them over the threshold into the big leagues.

Sure, there's some natural talent or aptitude. But then comes decision time -- are you going to really do this, or just continue plinking around at it?

Musicians. Painters. Writers. Mathematicians. Computer programmers. Game designers. Actors. Singers. They don't sit around feeling good about themselves and building up their self-esteem. They do the work. They put in the time.

I didn't even know I was going to be a writer. I was in drama, not writing. But I sat there, hour after hour, filling notebooks with play scripts or short stories or essays. I was a writer, whether I thought of that as my career or not.

And I put in my ten thousand hours.

It's like I tell novice writers. You learn more from writing a 100,000-word novel than from any number of classes. (Except, of course, the ones I teach.) (OK, I was including them as well.)

I also tell my students that every writer has to produce ten thousand pages of pure drivel. Some people have to write all ten thousand pages before they produce anything good. Some of us are luckier and get to have our lousy pages spread out over our whole career, so we can be earning money along the way.

Talent? Sure -- any amount of it above a certain threshold.

Opportunity? Absolutely -- grab it when you see it.

Hard work? Essential. As Gladwell makes clear, nobody gets to the top of any creative field without working at it until they simply know things that other people can't even guess at. "

Putting it in because heh motivation is sorely needed-- Chem (my first paper) is in 4 days! So, if I want to go anywhere and get out and away... I need decent A levels. And decent A levels requires one to be able to answer questions, but I can't do that :( Practice, my friends, is in order.

This is not the time to be whining about subject combinations, Nicole!!! You picked what you wanted to do, so stick with it. Be grateful you don't have any papers on monday or friday. Stop reading amandapalmer's tweets! Is she going to help you pass chem???

Back! From week-long hibernation.

During the WLC (World Leadership Conference) there was a recurring conversation:

FRIEND: Are you planning to go to a university in singapore?
ME: No not really. *mumbles something about expanding horizons*
FRIEND: So where would you like to go to university?
ME: Um. The UK?
FRIEND: Any particular universities in mind?
ME: Um mm uh Melbourne Uni if I can get the scholarship?
[Yes, melb is kind of not in the UK but I've said that New South Wales was in WALES, so you understand my aptitude in geography.]
FRIEND: Oh okay.

So friends! Naturally I embark on a quest to find The University.
A vietnamese friend who went to the conference goes to Wesleyan University, so I google it, and do the campus tour and all that jazz. To find out about what other people thought about it, I tried collegeboard.com, and then I see this amazing academic program called Semester at Sea. So I google that, and I found this!

SEA Semester is this exciting program in Woods Hole, MA. You get to earn 17 college credits while spending a semester of college there, plus actually sail and learn to man[?] a working ship. You spend a few weeks on shore first, attending classes, and then about 3 weeks at sea carrying out an independent research project. When I first read it I was like [!!!] I would kill to be able to earn academic credits while doing fieldwork and learning about conservation, sustainability, genetic anthropology and the like.

It sounds a lot like what I did in wales-- fieldwork, testing your own hypotheses, understanding the significance of the tests you're conducting, getting to be up close with intertidal organisms etc. There is a large variety of programs they're offering:

"Ocean Exploration takes an interdisciplinary approach that combines data and insights from oceanography, the humanities and social sciences, and public policy – together with practical skills in nautical science – so students can develop a broad understanding of the sea."
You take courses like Oceanography, Nautical Science and Maritime Studies.

Aaand in Maritime Studies you get to do Maritime Literature, which I hope is what the kid says in the video about NOVELS about sailing like The Old Man and the Sea, because then I would squee! It's like... studying The Great Gatsby before going to NYC or doing something like Wuthering Heights or Rebbecca or even Brideshead Revisited before visiting an English estate complete with country and moors and things. Ahh omg I can't imagine earning credits for this.

and then there's "SEA Semester: Oceans and Climate provides an unequaled opportunity for undergraduate science students to study the place of the oceans in one of the pivotal scientific questions of our time – global climate change."

If I want to do this I have to do a science major, but I shouldn't base my decision on SEA Semester because I might not even get in (25 people per program; there are only so many people that can fit on a sailing ship) but still! It's a good reason, right, to do a science major? Ach the non-science majors I would take might be political science or sociology, but sometimes when I choose my major I think: I would like to be able to take philo classes along with ecology and environmental studies; there is so much that I do not know o_o but that's for another blog post.

Anyway in SEA Semester: Oceans and Climate there's a Oceanographic Research Techniques course which means I'll get to do fieldwork!! :D And look at plankton samples and intertidal organisms... there's a wide range, with [acoustic measurements of water flow] as one of the research options, which is very physics. Exciting exciting

When you look at the pictures, also, the ships they're sailing are REAL ships, with sails and masts and everything. Not like lame cruise ships/ yachts with no sails. The sails are so Dawn Treader, right? Go go look at the pictures. There's a part where Lucy leans off the bowspirit and looks at the merpeople and sometimes Reepicheep goes up to the crow's nests and the rain will fall on deck like a real STORM, just like in Dawn Treader! If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's just a lot like Pirates of the Caribbean.

eee it would be lovely to go. Really exciting. And there is TRAVEL involved! And managing on your own! And no cellphone signals or internet in the middle of the OCEAN. (Onboard computers are only for research purposes) You're just left alone to do your research and work and let the sea inspire you. Talk about isolation! :D The ship also docks at places like Bahamas, Cuba, and Jamaica, and you get to go onshore to visit.

Has anyone read Troubling a Star by Madeline L'engle? It sounds A LOT like that, with the lectures and sense of community.

omg omg omg LOOK at the hbp posters in a nyc subway station!

I love this photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/33124343@N07/3619082336/in/set-72157619574502635/

and and alan rickman and tom felton look so hot in this one!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/33124343@N07/3618314885/in/set-72157619574502635/

*fangirls* I seriously CAN'T WAIT.
Especially with the stupid 7-month delay and all, and the trailer excitement... I can only be patient for so long!
*squee*
I think I'll have to catch up with mugglecast, pottercast, and snapecast.

In Neil Gaiman's blog it says that he and amanda palmer are dating and it is so !!! exciting. I mean they are both awesome people who produce things that are macabre, fantastical and intriguing-- I wonder if this will lead to more creative collaborations, like the coffeetable book.
Yes. Like a selfish, impersonal fan, their creations are the only things I'm worrying about.

Talking about the tabs I'm being led to here-- so neil gaiman links to kyle cassidy, the photographer of Who Killed Amanda Palmer, and I'm reading his lj. There's a post that talks about the value of hard work in a different way, and it kind of makes me hopeful that One Day I could volunteer at a harry potter conference or One Day I could be at an anthropological excavation site and discover something exciting or One Day I could be studying succession along the eroding coastline of south africa. As in if I really really want something and I really work hard at getting at it and looking out for opportunities the chances of me getting it are higher.

There's a similar trend of thought in on the nerdfighter blog by alan lustufka (fallofautumndistro) that talks about working at building up one's audience.

It's not that I've never heard about the value of hard work before, but to hear it from people I respect and admire puts another spin on it. Honestly though, who else to learn the value of hard work than from people whose jobs I would kill to have, and from people who have put in years of effort to get where they are?

another gaiman/palmer link: http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/469136.html (watch the video!)

Kyle Cassidy quote: (taken from the comments of the post with the gaiman/palmer video)

"i can truly say that it doesn't capture the moment. it merely proves that it happened. it might have been lack of sleep, it might have been wearing the same clothes for a week ... it might have been a lot of things, all on top of one another ... but it was a Very Special Moment that i don't think can ever be explained or quantified.

sadly. because part of me would like to reach out and grasp it from time to time. but that's the lazy part. the rational part of me realizes that every day should be better than the one before. and we march onward -- trusting in sweat and luck. the harder we work, the luckier we are."

Right gtg offline now to attempt to cancel the effects of my mooning (WHAT was I thinking?!) and to make it for the WLC tomorrow. I need to remember to bring my camera!

[/edit] And I thought teenage girls were the only ones who did blogged in white font or small undecipherable letters. Blog link here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/06/edinburgh-in-august.html Picture here: http://twitpic.com/7acx7

hello I just have to say after catching up on google reader-- reading sam's sydney's mustard rabbit's hailee's and kristina's blogs-- I feel happy and convinced that the World has promise and hope and All Is Not Lost. :D *happy*

like the mario kart love song. ahh I can't link it now because I'm in school and you can't get youtube but if you watch meekakitty you'll know or try searching it on youtube? Trust me it's wonderful and pretty.

Realised that I could embed a video by just going to someone else's blog with a video embedded and clicking "view source". >( all the fuss for nothing.

I only know this because of a puzzle game I played in sec 1/ primary 6 in which they give you the first page and you have to find the url to the next, and sometimes clues will be in "view source". It was like thisisnottom, for the nerdfighters reading this.

--since the days I played the puzzle game, (for the life of me I cannot remember what it was called! former classmates you played it too... remind me?) I have realised they have made the source code (correct me if I'm using the wrong term) coloured 8D I'm using internet explorer 8, if that makes any difference. However, the coloured source code DOES make a difference! It is so much easier to read. Like technicolour. --- [anyone watching Joseph, by the way?]

okay I hope this works.

[/edit] view source didn't work; will try to trawl for the crack way. In the meantime, here's the link


Above song made me feel like I was being swept up into the teen movement where you go out and buy cool clothes and go to cool concerts and listen to cool music and adopt the attitude of the times.

Back to the last post! On Writing.

I think I would like to start writing again, but D: in my head I just know it's going to turn out horribly cliched, like all teenage writing [yes yes stereotype] And I've written too many book review- like things which attempt to be witty and have Structure as opposed to Style, if I were to write fiction or poetry. Ahh how how how I don't know how to BEGIN. The moment I start putting pen to paper out comes these horrible horrible things that are dredged up from the recesses of my mind that should not be allowed to see the light of day, ever.

Maybe I should write some pretentious parody/ humor thing that won't be so pressurising because people are _meant_ to laugh at it. As opposed to writing something that will be laughed at but is supposed to be serious. (I laugh at serious writing all the time. It's the Seasoned Critic in me. ) I don't mind doing art-critic type things where you can cattily flame somebody or fangirl another and sound pretty clever doing it, without even trying.

Meep I guess if I continue to stay within my comfort zone of doing editorial-like things-- which don't sound much different from blogposts, actually-- I won't be learning anything new. Challenge is a good thing! You learn from it and gain skills and are better equipped for the next challenge! So I will do it! I will, um, write a short story by next monday! okay you know when I say these things I NEVER do them but uh hope? And a REWARD. hmm. I like rewards.

Someone go out with me next week! And politely decline my invitation if the writing is not produced. I don't know.
oh yes Shopping. I will ask someone out and we will go shopping and I will stop wearing clothes I wore when I was 12.

Whenever I lack the motivation, I will remind myself of judy garland's love poems she wrote when she was 18. No offence to a lovely voice, but she wrote some pretty b-grade poetry, I can tell you. Reading her biography right now, hence the reference. I didn't know there was more to her than dorothy gale before reading it. After looking up wikipedia, I now know that she was a gay icon (yay!) and took speed. (felicia's drug of choice, by the way)

This song appeared in my head during the 2-hour marathon bio lecture. Actually when I say it, it doesn't sound long, but it felt long because it was hard to grasp a lot of the details of dna transcription. And I was woefully confused. Back to my trusty colourful bio book!

arrgh I don't know how to embed youtube videos when the code isn't there! And it isn't there for a lot of the videos that I want to embed D: but on the nerdfighter blog and the maureen johnson blog they can embed ANYTHING and it's easier to watch the videos/ know what they are referring to straightway. I'm sure there's a crack way to do this for videos whose uploaders don't want it to be distributed.

um. Yes when I looked up kimiko glenn, who plays Thea in the touring cast of spring awakening, I saw that she went to _Interlochen_ and went to look that up again, and thought that I would die to go to a place like that. It is so incredibly awesome and crazy but O_O in a good way. {realise the extent of my eloquence at this point} oh dear and then what did I spend my formative years doing?? I feel so pathetic, and talentless. Actually I really am pathetic and talentless... but you know that already. Those people are so amazing technically and to be able to go to a school like that and focus and cultivate your talent is an enormous opportunity.

Then I started thinking about my Creative Writing (that I used to do when I was in primary school and more hardworking than I am now) and what would have happened if I went to a place like that. That if I'd worked harder at actually writing and creating a proper portfolio I might have had a chance. So I'm here thinking "missed opportunity" and aw shucks. Which brings me to the conversation I had with a friend the other day:

LOVELY FRIEND: So why aren't you in the Creative Writing Club?
ME: I think that... I'm too old to write.
LF: How can you be too old to write? You're only 17-- what would have happened if [famous author] decided to stop writing at 17?

And her argument is supremely valid, because of course john green and all the writers whose blogs I read started nurturing their writing abilities from the minute they knew how to form a sentence, and if they just gave up at 17 we wouldn't be able to read what they have written today.

So yeah it's kind of like a pity, as she says, that I have stopped. I mean the last time I did anything of that kind was at that summer programme with Harold V. Crick, which was... one and a half years ago. And I haven't written anything since then. Except an epic elegy mourning lost love that is drawn out and excruciating like the "seventy times seven" bit in the beginning of wuthering heights. And a couple book reports for munny. i.e. the newspaper sends me movie passes and I pawn them off on youswop to get something I actually want; they are too poor to send actual money.

Anyway. I think I stopped writing because I thought that I sucked compared to my peers. You know when you're a kid everyone thinks you're precocious and showers praise and everything but when you get older they kind of expect it from you, and if you don't give it, it's like :( I thought I was lousy. And gave up. And was too lazy to do anything about it or attempt to work harder at it because I thought any effort would be useless since everybody's so much more adept than me. This inferiority complex-thing.

Arggh and now that I think of it, it's so dumb to give up because why should anyone tell you that you aren't good enough? I mean it's ok for someone to tell you that, but that shouldn't stop you from trying again. Even if your writing sucks, if you work at it and take constructive comments (oddly, the internet is a good place for this) you will get better. Or at least more tailored to people's tastes and be able to sell yourself/ make money out of it. Like Nora Roberts. But that's another story.

meek I have these points but they are jumbled up in my head and it's 2.25am and I can't sleep in math ==== Will continue tomorrow. Feel free to spam if I don't.

Today I went for a long car ride and to the supermarket, and felt dizzy and faint from over stimulation.

... I need to get out more.

um. I have concluded that the main reason for wanting to go to university somewhere else is because I want to be physically separated from my parents.

This is the dumbest and most immature reason there is, but no matter how many times I think it over, it always comes up at the top.
It is also not saying anything about my sensibility or rationality either.
Not that I am known for being rational.

icky ick I can't stand it here I need to get away and the mindless gay marriage/ sex education debate that's making the rounds is just making it worse.
Though I understand the religious reasons for it. And I can see the need for the government to be diplomatic about everything, since asian/ traditional values are still very fundamental to the framework of our society, and they are interwoven with the community. eg mendaki, singapore hokkien association help people find jobs and do things like meals on wheels and financial assistance.

I just can't stand the drivel I'm being made to hear, about people saying that being gay is just an inclination and that it can be "conditioned". There's this adult I know who says that it is the parent's fault if the child is gay because the parent has spoiled the child and has been too indulgent. There's also this general view that people are being gay because of single parent families.

And URGH the thing I hate most is that people can't tell being transgendered from being gay, or rather differentiate between wanting to be a member of the opposite gender and liking someone of the same gender.

There are SO MANY misconceptions and it's so disappointing.

I mean when I hear this I'm like: ohmygoodness how can people even come to these conclusions why are they oversimplifying things and urgh treating lgbtqs like freaking aliens!

And I increasingly want to leave for greener pastures.

AHHHHHH



Saw the spring awakening tour videos, and was mooching around online, and found out that I *might* just make it for the one in baltimore!!!!!!!!!!



Because the parents want me to sign up for a summer programme in the states, and if I get accepted into the one at johns hopkins, I MIGHT GET TO WATCH SA. The one at johns hopkins is from may 26- june 26, and the SA tour dates in baltimore are june 9-21, and I am convinced that THIS IS A SIGN that I have to apply for summer school there. AHHH I'll be watching the same cast as the people at leakycon will be watching! I have to do my research! Get to know the cast! Like, Intimately!



Damn and blast why can't I type fast enough. When I noticed that the spring awakening tour dates so COINCIDENTALLY coincided with leakycon I felt like: WHY. THIS IS NOT FAIR and ALL THE NERDFIGHTERS WOULD BE SQUEE-ING TOGETHER and they would all have fun and be at wrock bands and... you get the gist. And then now I *just* might get to see it and I am so STOKED although darn I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. As in I have to get accepted first, right? And settle the flight plans and school plans --ARGH june holidays don't start till may 30 and I have an effing TEST on the 27th so I might have to work things out.



But I really REALLY hope that there will still be tickets left... (checks)

Okay there are still tickets left, and good seats too, but meep this might mean I have to book online to ensure I get a ticket. Which is the least of my problems. OH CRAP what if the people there are strict and everything, and they don't let me go out to watch it? At trinity we were allowed to go, but it was in large groups and with a PA.



Actually finding someone to go with might not be much of a problem on the ning or on SA forums.

And the chances of this plan actually going through are practically 10% at this point, because there are so many things to finalise. And it's late, and people have already planned their summers by now >( It wouldn't hurt to try, though, for JH.

[edit: turns out that I missed the deadline by a month D: This post is going to be funny when I read this in the future, but not at the moment. ]

The Last Day! This is sad :'(

Before I started, I did not really understand what was the point of BEDA. All I had to do for BEDA was crap a little for every day of the month, and if I did that, I could say I did BEDA.

But gradually, knowing that there were actual people reading my blogs and commenting, I began to have more ownership over what I wrote every day. I discussed interesting issues, and tried to make sure all the bases of the argument were covered. I made sure the writing and expression was clear, paid attention to paragraphing, and basically attempted to make my blog marginally interesting to read.

It was a lovely feeling, knowing that at the end of the day, someone on the other side of the world was going to read what you had written. I looked forward to reading the comments on my blogposts, so thank you for commenting continuously every day :D I'm going to miss Summer, Rachel, Abby, Ingrid, for encouragement when beda first began, and most of all, my BEDA BUDDIES :D Alison, Julia, Julia Rios and Riane, thanks for commenting so contentiously, and for introducing good music and writing insightful posts. We will be the only 5-person group of BEDA'09! (there isn't a name yet, is there?)

Happy thing of the day!

I've finished reading 13 Little Blue Envelopes by you know who :D I couldn't borrow it from the library earlier because I didn't have enough borrowing spaces, so before that I had to sit in the library just to read it. Today I finally brought it home, and also borrowed suite scarlett! Read Envelopes all the way home on the bus, and it took about two or three more hours to finish the rest. It was lovely! And made me think. And renewed my desire/ epic NEED to travel and go places and see things.

Full review tomorrow or after my sat test, depending on how much practice I still have to do. Most likely saturday. Or sunday, since I have a school camp over the weekend. Okay today's post is short because I have a proposal to finish and mock tests to muddle through, and I've spent enough time reading 13 little blue envelopes. (but I could not put it down!)



Lunch! Roti prata (extremely greasy but tasty pancake) and vegetable curry. I've eaten better prata with more generous helpings of curry. Ah, school food. Thankfully it only cost SGD$1.40= $0.95USD for one plain and one onion prata. Usually it's at least $2.50= $1.70USD, but school food is subsidised. yay!

A while ago I was mooching around youtube, and I found a video about a japanese school lunch. It consisted of rice with curry and cucumber salad.

Part of the video description says:
"BTW - I didn't eat ANY of my kyushoku today (not the day the video was filmed) - didn't even take the tray over to my desk. :(So it was ritz crackers and oreos today for lunch."

Speaking of people in general, and not just the person in the video: I cannot, for the life of me, understand when people go to a foreign country and choose not to eat the local food, and instead eat what they are used to.

I once went to europe with a tour group, and after a few days, they had had enough of the local breakfast-- cereal, bread and preserves, cheese and cold cuts, yogurt-- and decided to just have instant noodles instead. Which was quite pathetic, since the whole point of going to a foreign country is to experience all it has to offer, and they didn't want to experience the most basic aspect of its culture: food. Afterwards they mentioned that they were expecting something along the lines of a full american breakfast, i.e. warm eggs, french toast, pancakes, bacon-- what they usually have when they go on holidays in asia. In singapore, people usually have toast, fried noodles, or fried rice for breakfast, so the culture shock is pardonable.

But still! Shouldn't one go overseas with an open mind, prepared to expect an environment that doesn't resemble home? I expect some people might latch on to their creature comforts, in a strange place with a different culture.

How have I digressed. Anyway, I just wanted to talk about school lunches, since I was interested in what kids in japan get to eat. By the way, the person making the video is a person from the states who teaches english to elementary and middle school students in japan, as part of the JETS program. I like his other viking video-- one day where the kids get to pick out their own lunches, and they get all kinds of lovely stuff. yumyum. I suppose it's less of a culture shock for me than for him, since I'm more used to japanese cuisine.

This is what I had for lunch today!

On the left is tofu and french beans in curry, and on the right is bergedil, a fried potato cutlet. It's Malay cuisine, since our cafeteria (canteen) is like a food court with stalls selling different kind of foods. I feel lucky that I get to pick what I want to eat every day, and have seconds if I want to-- the kids in the video have to eat what's on the menu that day, and you can't have seconds.

Tomorrow I'll try to get something different, so things will be more interesting. I'm vegetarian too, like Alison (yay something we have in common) so usually I get rice, tofu, and vegetables. Which would be really boring to read about, so I'll get something different.

Oh! And I'd love to know what you have for lunch :D Comment, or put up a picture in a blog entry. Pictures are really good space-fillers.

Listening to daniellesmagic now, and it makes me feel cooler.

Not cooler as in the "I am incredibly fabulous" cool, but the "I feel less hot and sweaty" cool. Meep it's the dead of the night and it's still sweltering. I thought nights were supposed to be cooler on account of the fact that there is no SUN. Oh Mr Sun, Sun, Mr golden sun, please shine down on me [oh julia R, you are going to hate me.] Maybe it's the heat capacity of the building material. Eg Water has a high heat capacity, which explains why swimming pools are warm in the evening and cool in the morning. The concrete has a high heat capacity, so it absorbs the sun's heat and radiates it at night i.e. NOW.

But the concrete is painted white, so it's supposed to reflect light energy, right? Not absorb it. Although a paper I read today about green roofs says that the plants on the roof "process and diffuse" heat rather than merely reflecting or absorbing it. There aren't any plants on my roof. In fact, the roof of the apartment is inaccessible to any residents, because the management is afraid that we don't know well enough than not to fling ourselves off the top. Whee.

About barney, again-- (last time I will bring this up, I swear)-- hearing the songs again makes me understand why they are so annoying. I could understand how I could be put off by this. I can now understand why my parents wanted me to put "The Land Before Time" into the LD player instead of barney. Why, why, why, do they deliberately make children's media awful? And deliberately set out to annoy everyone except the kid who is watching it? Teletubbies and "again! again!" is a case in point. Said kid stays quiet and still, so this is a trade-off.

Was flipping through my old enid blytons before mercifully giving them away at the library-- I could have tossed them into a large bonfire, only it would release greenhouse gases and make me feel hotter-- and realised that my innocent childhood was marred with awful, awful, vomit-inducing writing. Do you not realise how bad the writing is? Think Beedle the Bard and Dumbledore's notes, and you will get what I mean. Enid Blyton introduced me to the concept of being spiteful. On whether this has positive or negative impacts, I will leave you to decide for yourself.

I am wasting the last days of BEDA doing this!! D: Okay I have to settle down and make a list of things I want to talk about before beda ends.

I won't be commenting as often in the coming week, because I have to study/ cram/ mug for my SAT test this saturday, in addition to all my other homework. If I do okay, I won't ever ever have to study for them again! [This is a reward in itself.] Rest assured I will catch up on things once my SATs are over, and comment accordingly :D

urgh my neighbour has Taylor Swift's Love Story on repeat.

A continuation of the Time Warner thing.The fact that Time Warner owns major media sites, charging for additional features of the internet would means that they would be controlling most of the media on it. Charging extra would require them to pass this on to most of the sites offering additional features, as compensation for these sites suffering a decrease in traffic. This compensation will make sites offering additional features subject to the opinions of Time Warner Inc, if the compensation becomes substantial. Or they could choose not to offer compensation, in which case the media companies owned by Time Warner Inc would have a monopoly of the market share. Stockholders will then have a larger control over the media and hence are able to determine what is reported, resulting in disinformation or misinformation in biased reporting.

On a smaller scale, charging for perks on the internet will change the world for future generations. If the fees are raised to such high levels that most people are deprived of these features, applications like facebook, youtube, and twitter will no longer be part of mainstream media. These applications have changed the way we gather and distribute information, allowing the common man to air his opinions and update himself on the most relevant and up to date news. If these apps became less commonplace, the progress we've made in media distribution in the last 10 years will amount to nothing. When celebrites can twitter an appearance and have their tickets sold in hours today, this would not be possible once internet extras become chargeable commodities. We would have to rely on newspapers, radio, or the telephone to make our orders, and these are much slower modes of communication.

User-generated content on blogs, podcasts and videos will have to represent the opinions of Time Warner Inc, since they are in charge of allowing users to view your video. When someone pays your salary, you wouldn't bite the hand that feeds you, would you? There would also be less opportunities for us to generate our own entertainment, since we are attracting less viewers than big-label companies such as CNN, and sharing websites wouldn't be so keen on us producing things when we don't generate a steady flow of revenue for them.

What do you think if someone owned the internet?

What will the consequences be for future generations? "When I was your age, the internet was free..."

Or do you think, like inflation, the expense of the internet is something that comes with the passage of time, and cannot be halted?