I think, when I read Hunger Games and Catching Fire, I kind of understand how Katniss (protagonist) feels, because I know what it is, to be unsure about how you feel about a person. If I had read the books when I was 12, I would not understand katniss at all-- I would yell at her: "There is a boy who likes you likes you, and you kind of like him back, so why not TAKE HIM?! you stupid girl." I was the type of person who used to think Vicky Austin was triple-timing her guy friends, heh.

I kind of understand her guilt and confusion too, and it's so-- I don't want to have to bother about this, I have other more important situations to deal with, why the heck do I have to think about it at all? Eg you're guilty that someone likes you but you don't like him back, but when you say you don't like him, you know he'll be upset. And you can't stand him being sad, because he used to be/is a great friend. re:Gale. All this when you know you're going to be sent to fight for your life in a month. Poor katniss.

You: nerdfighter!

Stranger: :\

You: you aren't a nerdfighter?

You: srs?

You: *disappointed*

Stranger: what the hell is a Nerdfighter?

You: go google it

You: we fight against worldsuck

Stranger: sorry, my time is too precious

You: we fight with our hearts, our tombones, and our calculators

You: we took over youtube on dec17th and 18th

You: you should become a nerdfighter. we are recruiting

Stranger: err

You: really. we are.

Listening to: Sainthood, Tegan and Sara's latest album

So last thursday I went out (on a whim!) with geeru to escape theme park.

TICKET LADY: Hi, so how old are you?
ME: (in a loud and embarrassing whisper) geeru! Tell her we are 12. We look 12, don't we? Then we get the child price.
GEERU: *is embarrassed, giggles at ticket lady* um, we're 17.
TICKET LADY: *laughs* It will be $18
ME: $18 each?
TICKET LADY: No, $18 for the both of you.
ME: *collapses in laughter*

So we go on all the rides, the Haunted House first. We want to get in, but the door seems to be locked. So this young boy tells us to knock. I laugh absurdly, thinking that the young boy has watched one too many horror movies, and proceed... not to knock. Geeru has better sense than me, and knocks, and they open up!

I was scared, because of the pitch-black darkness. More scared than I expected to be, actually. So I cling on to geeru with sweaty palms. She laughs bemusedly at the green lighting, fake-looking skeletons and other rubbery unidentified objects, while I quiver and try not to scream. There are 10 year old boys with us in the haunted house, and they are not making a sound. I tell myself that I have more guts than a 10 year old, while holding geeru's poor hand in a vice-like grip. I am such a wimp.

In the queue for the viking ride, we line up behind this girl and her group of friends. Girl has amazing, pale skin and freckles, and has short hair with a braid behind her ear to hold her hair back. The girl gets kissed by her boyfriend.

GEERU: *whispers* Doesn't she look a bit young?
ME: Yeah. But I would go out with her in a minute.
GEERU: *is mildly shocked* Nicole!! You pollute my innocent mind. (a translation of her facial expression)
ME: But! I like her tattoo, and her outfit and her shoes and her green sunglasses. I want her camera! (a pro-looking one) I would date her for her turquoise nails. If I went out with her, I could ask to borrow her top!
GEERU: *rolls eyes*

Geeru does not understand how pretty she looks. But no matter.
Girl and friends scream TONS during the ride, which made it all the more thrilling and liberating, which was probably the feeling we wanted to go for. Sadly, we lost Girl at the advanced go-kart line, where me and geeru conceded it was best to leave our limbs and sanity intact, and opt for the beginner go-karts.

Ah, love.

Speaking of love, I currently have a crush on Tegan and Sara. I want to go out with either of them! I want their cd. I like the fact that they're canadian, and it's also awesome that lots of my newfound amanda palmer fan friends like them too :D So it's good all round.

It would be nice to put on black jeans, a band shirt, eyeliner and blue nails, and pretend to be a rocker chick. Maybe then they would go out with me. I'm not a real rocker chick, though. I don't play in a band, I don't have cool friends who go jamming, I don't own converse sneakers. I don't even have the killer attitude needed to pull off black eyeliner. But, hopefully, if I pretended to be a rocker chick, the rockstar power of skinny jeans and styled hair would rub off on me, and I would be properly punk! Then a fellow punk rocker would go out with me.

That's it for this week, I think. A list of girl crushes. Take of it what you wish. (And go check out Tegan and Sara! Their music is not what you would expect from a girl group, but their guitar riffs and drums are insane.)

super super quick one:
Tomorrow's schedule--

7.30am-1pm SAT test that I hope I won't flunk (again)
1pm-2pm lunch
2pm-5pm fleaflyflofun, a flea market
5pm-7.15pm Wild and Fabulous, ANOTHER flea by ACRES
7.15pm-8pm dinner
8pm-10pm The Devil's Encore, a play/jazz thing that imma buy tickets for later

money-spending D: BUT finally proper shopping after months ftw
busybusybusy

a second thing:

Love, love, love is everywhere
But not a drop for me to drink
Tie me up and bind my feet
Drop me in and watch me sink

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get too close to me

-Locked Up, by Ingrid Michaelson
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAyabX9Ode8&feature=quicklist&playnext=5&playnext_from=QL

Jumping on the bandwagon? After I saw a friend's result that was so terribly true.

Name: nicole

Date: 11/30/2009

Colorgenics Number: 51270643
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You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'. (This is embarrassing. I think the test delves into my subconscious. Though obviously I have found appreciation "somewhere else". But I am not in need of love and affection! because I have lovely, lovely friends who put up with all my bad behavior. (I have a disgusting tendency to oversleep and be late and not do work.) At this point I'm still amazed they've hung around. This is why they are amazing. :D )

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions. (Agreed! Stubbon. Like a mule. My babysitter used to say that of me when I was three. Above also implies that I am hard to work with, and this might be true, though I'm not sure myself.)

You wear your heart on your sleeve and since you are an emotional person you are apt to give your all - heart and soul - to all those that show you a little affection; but take care - it would appear that you have been extremely hurt in the past and you keep leaving yourself wide open for punishment. (Ha! You got that right quiz! "heart on my sleeve" indeed. Intensely emotional, needlessly so. Also intensely enthusiastic; you know, turn the volume up and keep it there-- it's either at max. volume or mute. )

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification? (AGREES. guilt.)

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves. (Meep. No comment. This is dangerously true. This is why I let the quiz tell you things that I am too human to put up myself! Let a computer do the job of what I am unable to do. I'm taking a "short break" now. Kind of. Though there are rarely breaks %*$?#)

This might answer the "So how are you lately?" question, which I cannot do myself; I always seem to give unsatisfactory answers. I cannot answer that question! Do not ask an indecisive or easily distracted person that question! She will pause for a very long time and proceed to go off on a vague tangent.

It's so HARD not to blog. Really.

So today I went to BooksActually to see Chris Pash, and it turns out I was the only customer who went *just* to see him/ hear him talk about his book. Sad times. Anyway, as I was paying for pooky's SECRET PRESENT, I spot a Who Killed Amanda Palmer atop a shelf.

ME: how much is that book?
BOOKEEPER: --insert weird look-- Um, it's $250. A signed copy. (it is all too obvious that I cannot pay for it.)

But. But. I want a WKAP so bad! *cries*

And when I start asking mr. Chris Pash for an autograph, he talks about his book. Because I am rendered speechless by this opportunity-- I had been creeping around quite suspiciously in close proximity-- he starts using handsigns/ gestures very liberally and mimes out "talking" and "thinking" and "reporters"! The way you would speak to someone who doesn't understand english.

And he remembers my name! Because he signed for only one other couple, who happened to be on the flight with him to singapore. *is starstruck* After that my heart was beating so fast and I was so excited but I had to restrain myself, because it is not socially appropriate to scream at a person. He went "Be sure to add me on facebook!"

He had to do a lot of ridiculous self-promotion though, i.e. say to every person at the counter: "Why don't you read this book? It's a really good book by Mr Chris Pash-- he's a great writer." As no one knew who the hell he was. I think it's also because I haven't seen The Last Whale in mainstream bookstores, so he has to try to promote himself as best as he can, to sell anything. Now I'm more forgiving towards Wena Poon for taking any chance she can get to get her book out there. It's hard to be an author these days.

But honestly? The Last Whale appears to many potential book-buyers as the typical tree-hugger diatribe. The one-sided "green" argument that is becoming cliched. I only bought the book because there were mentions of Bob Hunter and his hippie friends (book is set in the 70s), and their crazy attempts to stop the whale chasers. It's very rare that you see people so passionate about their cause, and so willing to sacrifice their effort and energy to decrease worldsuck. The book is very inspiring, in that effect.

I've also gotten to know more about how the "stop whaling" process goes, because there are many causes that people are contributing to right now, especially in schools as part of CIP, but usually nothing comes out of these awareness campaigns. I'm really impressed that they have achieved a consensus. The conservation process is a lot more than protesting and yelling about; real change comes when you get the attention of policymakers, and seek to communicate with the whalers themselves, to see where they're coming from.

Sometimes though, the tactics they used to get media attention strangely resemble those used in reality TV (balloon boy, anyone?). Such is the nature of real world? One part of me is surprised/ ashamed that they stooped so low, and the other part of me accepts the fact that there is no other way to make your voice heard with today's sensationalised media.

Chris Pash did an event at swf too, but reception there wasn't too good either. It was an amazing coincidence that I went to see him talk, because during that timeslot there wasn't an event at the Chamber, and I just happened to crash his event. Julian and Loki were there too, most likely. heh though they/ other swf people probably don't read this.

Shall I put up a picture of my signed book? YES.


Slowly but surely, I will learn the Code of Fangirling Conduct.

You know, people, *delirious look* I think I have fallen in love.... with the interwebs.

I like how it brings people together! Like um the tessaract? OH, bosh. all of you have read A Wrinkle In Time, right? And there's this part where one of the Mrs Ws takes the end of her dress, stretches it out and goes: "Ok this is linear time and space, where the fastest way between two points is a straight line." and then she puts two corners together and goes: "And this is a tessaract."

Obviously I don't have it word for word, but you get the gist.

Today is a wondrous day, my friends, because Maureen FREAKING Johnson and Sarah Rees Brennan @replied me on twitter! Finally, a reward for staying up till ungodly hours and ridiculously monitoring my twitter feed. This is just like the time jbdazen replied my comment. Ah, the days.

Oh dear. I get happy whenever I get to have contact with someone famous. Like the time I almost fainted in joy when Amanda Palmer opened with "Creep", and it reminded me of a very special moment that I couldn't pin down... until I rediscovered this:

oh dear oh dear I am beginning to sound like the girl in "Oasis":

When I got to the party
They gave me a forty
And I must've been thristy 'cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested I brought along my best friend Melissa Mahoney
Who had once been molested
And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly, but the test came back positive Uh-oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building
There were all these annoying fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them Oh oh

I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crack whore
Melissa had told them
And so now we're not talking
Except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we're still going and oh, oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis sent a photograph
It's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear

I'm quite sure I don't need an abortion though. The last time I checked.
[/random] I used to have a best friend called Melissa! But back then we were too small to know what "crack whore" meant, so it's fine.

oh. And I have this hysterically weepy/ fangirly entry on swf, neil gaiman, amanda palmer and all that. Just that I haven't the time (due to project work, the BMAT) to finish it up yet, and upload the photos. Although they are all on facebook, should you care to view them. When I post it it's going to seem like I had a month-long hangover, but really I'm just popping it in the oven and attending to it when I have the time. I.E. you will see it when it gets done. Eventually.

THE THING about teen angst is that it makes for horrible blogposts.
You are embarrassed after you write a poem/ song/ blog entry about it.

But it when you are in the midst of it, it feels like the most important thing in the world at the moment, and you have to document it. When you see someone else talking about it too, you think: "oh my gosh we have a deep connection-- I am not the only one!"

And in some ways, you are reassured by it because being capable of emotion is part of being human.

Ok, that's enough excuses to validate what is going to follow.

crudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrud

1. I can't go to melbourne; they cancelled the trip.
2. It is so frustrating communicating with some people.

These are really dumb things to be angry over.

In the words of ms hayleyghoover:

"So as much as I'm dying to spew my guts about the mean, awful, terrible thing one of my good friends did to me this weekend, I cannot. Because, for one, I have no real way of knowing who's going to see this, and for two, this blog entry will outlive my hurt feelings. I could preserve my current fury in a blogosphere time capsule, and it would make me feel better for a day or two... but eventually, I'm going to unhate him and regret that decision. And it SUCKS."

Today I realised to make friends on teh interwebs, you have to comment/ @reply/ talk A LOT. or you know, they won't reply back. I have realised after being on youtube for a year! (cue cheers) technically it's a year and a week now, I think, after little nicole put up her very first edited video. Now I'm 27 videos in and going strong :D That averages to about 2 videos a month. YAY.


Honestly I'm the kind of web user who will ~lurk for ages and not post/ comment anything significant for fear of posting something wrong or saying something that's lame. It's the same thing with speaking.

As I'm writing this it's 10pm Monday, November 2nd.I've been listening to various versions of "creep"-- this one by jbdazen, this one with johnny depp in it, and this one with the fabulous amanda palmer at COACHELLA.

I can't get over seeing amanda palmer on halloween. The last time I celebrated halloween was when I was eleven and was Nearly Headless Nick. Her performance took my breath away. I had been awaiting her arrival ever since neil gaiman blogged in august about coming to singapore, and he said that amanda palmer would be coming as well, I was like: !!!! and oh my gosh. So it's been three months of waiting, and I finally got to see her it was crazy.

I wasn't a fan of her before neil gaiman talked about her doing "I Google You", though, so I didn't know her from her dresden doll days. But the wonderful mr gaiman kept on mentioning her, so I looked up her channel, watched "Oasis", and was hooked. Lately through her blog and twitter I've begun to see her as a musician based on the internet, much like Tom Milsom, Pomplamoose, and various wizard rock bands. She's been talking about the music business, about how consumers should be able to give their money straight to the artist instead of it being passed through the hands of record companies first. She also loves the power of twitter and the way it allows her to connect with fans on a more personal level. This form of communication is really amazing, because I get to know my artist and his/her beliefs, and about her gigs/ cd releases/ new songs before everyone else.

I took lots of pictures over the course of the weekend, so we'll start from the beginning.

This is an extremely blurry picture of Neil Gaiman in an event on children's literature , but mostly it was just the moderator asking general questions and fans getting to ask their burning questions. I was sitting at the back, fresh from crowd-handling as a volunteer, and it was the first time I saw him in person, so it was quite surreal.


This is from the next event, which was him and amanda palmer discussing the book and the album, Who Killed Amanda Palmer. An informative behind-the-scenes video of the creation of the book is here.


As you can tell, I'm a great photographer xD I shall attempt to explain away the shakiness by the fact that I was so excited I was trembling? But really I haven't been able to find other photos on the interwebs yet, so these will have to do. Strangely I was more enthusiastic about amanda palmer's presence than neil gaiman's, even though I've known his work longer than I've known amanda. But they are so cute together! You can tell they are really appreciative of each other in real life, which was what they've been talking about on their respective blogs lately.

There are only so many things one can be pumped about!

In the order that is in my head:

1. I am manning the same room AMANDA FUCKING PALMER will be in on the 31st of october

2. Today I witnessed the meeting of Lat, Mark Waid and Sonny Liew = Graphic Novel EXPLOSION.

3. There was a talk about the chinese literary scene in singapore, and they talked about the spectrum of human experience, and how children learning chinese should read widely and open their minds... it was amazing. I didn't know chinese writers were so awe-inspiring! Not having the opportunity to experience hardship/ separation/ 离开家乡 is not an excuse for singaporean writers to write badly. I have to read chinese books now.

4. The chartjackers song was in my head for most of yesterday. YAY to the power of the interwebs!!

5. Lea Michele singing "Defying Gravity"? Ok, honestly, WHERE ELSE will you hear that other than on Glee? They should put blake bashoff, jonathan groff or john gallagher jr. on the show next.

6. Today I met this other fangirl! Who's going for the Neil Gaiman event too!! ~exciting.

All this pumping makes me tired. Have to be up and perky tomorrow, and attempt to fit in a run between now and then D: (Because I'm going to australia for a outdoor expedition thing, i.e. climbing huge rocks.)

Ahh

I just found out through fb that two of my trinity summer school mates went to BU SUMMER. (cries) It was the one I wanted to go to but always couldn't because it's after the school holidays and I didn't want to miss school, and it was too far and the tickets too expensive etc. And my parents were worried about me travelling alone but it's not like I haven't been to a foreign country before.

(whines somemore) Pooky- it's jahnavi and avanthika-- do you remember? Go check your fb. Because I'm graduating next year so I really want to take advantage of the time left.

Ok if you don't know what BU summer is, it's here. And it's the one I whined about earlier this year and getting to see SPRING AWAKENING. I also whined about this 2 years ago, on this blog. It is clear that I am an expert at whining.

[/endwhine]

hello darlings!

Erk it's been so long since I last blogged properly that I don't know where to start.
Um.

I finished my exams today, and when I went out for lunch, I realised that I hadn't been out to eat in... 1 1/2- 2 months. So it was quite strange, walking around in a mall and planning things. It just feels so odd, having nothing pressing to do.

Before my exams I had a whole list of things I promised myself I would do, but now I don't really feel like doing anything. When I went to school for exams, socialisation was practically nil.

In my head is just: "Oh crud oh crud today's the day what if I fail what if I can't answer anything I should have looked through my work again oh crud I don't want to be in acad support again I didn't sleep much last night and I'm all jumpy now and all raw nerves dammit if I talk to somebody now I have to worry about conversation I hope I brought everything"

Worst thing is, I don't think the work I've done will pay off, because there were questions esp for chem and math that I could do, BUT I FREAKING FORGOT TO LOOK OVER THOSE TOPICS AGAIN, so I had problems with questions that I should have been able to do. It's so frustrating, to know that argh you could have done better. Admittedly I was losing focus a week before promos started, because there is so freaking much to revise, especially for bio. So it's very easy to just give up/ in and detach.

Enough ranting; a happy video.

The Kills make me want to put on eyeliner, wear black heels and cuffs.

billilovesmargot recommended it as "james bond" music, and it's because... they make you feel like you're in a james bond movie. You know, supercool attitude, glamorous dresses, fast cars.

That's all for this week! I'm off to do some ~mail quickly and then back to studying. Really really have to pass my H2s, but unfortunately for chemistry mugging plotted against marks is an exponential graph.

(i.e. the amount of studying is not equivalent to the marks you're going to get; you have to study a lot to get *some* marks... ok the graph says it a lot better than I do. Put "amount of studying" on the x-axis and "marks obtained" on the y-axis. Ruth told me this, and she is a math genius.)

Glee quote:

"Well for a while there you were kind of all over me and now you just yell at me all the time."

link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blauRjmkISQ&feature=channel
scene starts at 0:44 thereabouts.

Not... the most insightful of quotes. But, it summed things up.

OKAY. Back to binomial/poisson/ normal.

for reference: this article http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article6839056.ece makes me wimper, laugh and sigh disjointedly ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

impressive!

Hello peeps!

Listening to Pomplamoose. They're having a gig with Danielle Ate the Sandwich, and this is AWESOME because they're both really accomplished musicians, and to put them together would be crazycakes. They pay attention to the lyrics, and you can tell they're writers/ read a lot etc.

It also helps that Danielle is my favorite on the tubes xD Listen to Born in the Wrong Body; the imagery and its ability to invoke your feelings is amazing.

updates?

Am filming my new video in sections because my camera's running out of memory. Actually it's because I tried to do a reenactment _and_ a lipsynch in one take and that took up most of the memory. Filmed 10s worth of video today. I should clear my memory card!

It's also because I don't have time to edit >.> because editing takes 1-2hrs in wee hours of the morning... and lately that time has been taken up by revision/ PROJECT WORK. PW is a whole other can of worms. And I think I need to pass my promos. 1 and a half more weeks and I am done.

In an attempt to put myself in a revision mood (I've been procrastinating too much lately. A few days ago I lost steam, and well... got lost in the flood of work to do, and didn't know where to start. Grumble. lost motivation. D: ) I'll dissect my progress, mostly for my own benefit, and to sort things out. This will bore you.

Math:
p&c, probability (done)
binomial poisson normal, hypothesis, correlation/regression (not done)
graphing, apgp, inequalities (done)
functions, summation (not done)

Chem:
atomic structure, chem bonding, energetics, chem eqm (done)
stoichiometry, gases, reaction kinetics (not really done)
periodicity, ionic equilibrium (not done)

Bio:
respiration, photosynthesis, viruses, dna&genomics (done)

bacteria, prokaryotes/eukaryotes, meiosis/mitosis, enzymes (half done)

carbs/lipds/proteins, cell structure, cell membrane (not done)

Lit:
horribly, horribly behind, have got to prepare questions/ remember quotes, summaries

GP:
The essay is ok, AQ is not(!) and it's very annoying. Otherwise paper 2 is fine. I think.

GLEE.

This is going to be a short one.

Have you watched the new episode of glee? I don't know--the pilot seemed so much better, right? ok maybe I'm influenced by Kayley, who didn't really like it.

The writing's surprisingly sharp, though, and funny, but it seems like the singing and humor exist for the sake of themselves? There's not much in terms of plot, and efforts to add depth to the show are very Fail, for lack of a better word. For example, they try to bring in issues like eating disorders, but it doesn't really come through because of the humor. The humor just shoots them in the foot when the writers are trying to make an argument. I mean if you want to make a joke don't try to make it serious? There are plays/ tv shows that manage issues and humor fairly well, but it's hard to balance both aspects-- just do it well or not do it at all.

And the voiceovers! Don't they remind you of Scrubs? I suppose one cannot expect too much from a public-access tv show.

When Lea Michele's character talks about the sex thing, I completely agree with the misconception and "Girls want sex just as much as guys do.", but ahh the way she brings it up is so cringey.

"Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain." It's so insulting, and fallacious. I mean it's not like all of us are having sex left right and center, are we?

okok I'm nitpicking now, and being cynical. The music's good, and I'll leave it at that.

Struggle.

I don't know if this is a chinese thing, but when I first saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnnJnIj3T90 (or lianeandthemusic's recent video) I was just thinking:

duh, life is a struggle. You're meant to struggle-- if you don't struggle what you're working hard for is not worth it. Stop wallowing and get on with it. Stop complaining.

And I don't know-- what you're taught doesn't really translate into action, I suppose. Because sometimes I feel like this too and I used to get really hung up about feeling sad and despondent, and start to wonder what I'm struggling for.

Then your parents/ teachers will tell you to stop bawling for god's sake, look at jenny--does she cry her eyes out? How are you going to compete in the future if you continue like this? Jenny's all decided about what she wants to do in life, are you? Why don't you have any ambition? Everyone else has a goal, why don't you? I'm so disappointed in you; we have spent so much time and effort into teaching you and these are the results you give me? Why didn't you try harder? If you didn't spend so much time with your friends and more time studying, you would have done better. Why did you do this? You have not only disappointed me, you have disappointed your family, school, classmates-- you are such a disgrace!

Basically the thing is to guilt-trip you until you pull up your socks.

I don't think I want to take a stand on this; I'm pretty undecided regarding educational methods and cultural differences, but I wanted to find out if the difference in opinions was significant? heh because my relatives look down on people from the states or to simplify it, angmohs (红毛鬼, a label that encompasses all caucasians), and are like: "See? Us chinese work harder, and can 吃苦 (overcome suffering). Over there they wait for the government to help them, here the government doesn't help us! See- all the smart kids are chinese or indian."

Ok bringing in Social Welfare is a whole other can of worms, but the point is that sometimes people here(?) tend to make generalisations about angmohs and in some cases they are convinced that their generalisations are correct. Take the recession, for example. Some people think that the recession happened because Americans are stupid and don't know how to be thrifty when they take loans for a house or a car that is priced way beyond their means. So this led to the sub-prime crisis.

On the other end of the spectrum, it is kind of part of the culture here to be careful with your money; people would rather stay in a flat that they can own rather than in a landed property they have to take a loan for. It's also admirable to "have a million" in your bank account and dress like someone poorer, and old people commonly turn their lights off in the day to save on electricity bills. There is a sterotype that chinese tend to be calculative, but this is not without basis when you think about confucian teachings. Almost the whole chinese culture (at least, what we get in schools) is based on the idea that hard work = success. From this stems the idea that if you don't get the prize first, other people will, and the obstacles in your life are punishment for your wrongdoings. (please, please correct me if I'm wrong)

just watched history boys, and its is *swoons* lovely.

The writing! Is just incredible, and really sharp and witty. There's the screenplay of it somewhere (it exists on amazon) so I'll go look for it.

The big themes are education and coming of age, but what really stood out for me was love. If one really wanted to do this systematically, there's lust between dakins/fiona, yearning in posner/dakins and tension~ in irwin/dakins. See? All the romantic relationships practically revolve around dakins, and rightfully so-- he is smouldering.

Irwin is this temp. teacher, by the way, who comes to tutor the boys on how to write clever essays for the oxbridge admissions exams.

The writing was so amazing that I had to stop and rewind some parts, especially towards the end with irwin/dakins, and irwin is so... shy and blushy and bowled over. (I almost typed "blowed over". Anyway.) And dakins is like: "you know you want me". But I can't believe irwin is such a wuss like that! He's practically melting when dakins promises him a date.

Though. At some points it's hard to see beyond the comedy and into the serious stuff. Or rather at some points these are hard to differentiate. Especially with dakin, you don't really know whether he's taking anything seriously. You don't even know where is alliances lie.

Obviously in these things the characters do not have a definite sense of morality, so I don't know why this new york times review said that

"This is a work in which the most likable and, by the play's standards, most moral figure is an obese English teacher who regularly swats his students in class and fiddles (to use the euphemism of choice) with the more attractive of them after school."

I mean morality in these things is not even a question. The history boys isn't meant to be moralistic; it's meant to show things the way they are/ were and explore the relationship between a teacher and his students. For those who haven't seen it, hector (the "obese English teacher") and his groping isn't taken seriously. There are certain doubts, like "how will I deal with it if he feels me up?" But mostly the boys think it's all a joke, a slight inclination the English Teacher happens to have; they respect him for his opinions and teachings all the same.

Granted, the NYT was reviewing the stage play, and I've only watched the movie.

But the love! (posner has for dakin) Is so endearing and sweet and... *swoons again*.

[SCRIPPS has just seen POSNER swooning over dakin]

SCRIPPS: Love can be very irritating.
POSNER: How do you know?
SCRIPPS: It's what I always think about God; he must get so pissed off, everybody adoring him all the time.
POSNER: Yes. Only you don't catch God poncing about in his underpants.

[Cut to this scene of POSNER singing]

And then there's this scene between posner and hector after that, and they talk about literature:

HECTOR: Lost boy though he is, on the far side of the world, he still has a name.
(On Hardy) A saddish life, though not unappreciated. "Uncoffined" is a typical Hardy usage. It's a compound adjective, formed by putting "un" in front of a noun. Or verb, of course. Unkissed, unrejoicing, unconfessed, unembraced. It's a turn of phrase that brings with it a sense of not sharing. Of being out of it, whether because of diffidence or shyness. But a holding back. Not being in the swim. Can you see that?

POSNER: Yes, sir. I felt that a bit.

HECTOR: The best moments in reading are when you come across something -- a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things-- that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else. A person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And... it's as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

The first part, the "un" bit, you can't help but feel sorry for posner and hector alike, who both have something/ someone they really want but who won't reciprocate their affections (in posner's case) or something they can't have. (being openly gay, in hector's case. He is married.)
And I don't have to mention that the reading quote has its own inherent value.

I would love to see the History Boys performed live, only there aren't any tours in my area. Will see. If you want to watch it, I watched it off youku. It's also nc16 for all those legal people who want to buy/ borrow it ^^

EDIT: I want to buy the soundtrack! The 80s songs they use as background are great, as is samuel barnett's Bewitched and Bye Bye Blackbird.