i dont know how to start. im not very happy with myself. i havent been since p3 really. not happy with what i am doing and not happy with what i have done for myself--not much, come to think of it. I have a feeling that this is the first angsty post that i have ever posted in my life lol. Crystal says that angst is so fake--i think angst in fanfics are uhm overdone. the whole point of this blog was to post about my day and how great it was because i thought because its on the www, anybody can read it, right? And now my blog isn't publicised very well- i dont intend to do that any sooner as least until i can come up with regular, good quality blogposts. My grammar is wonked. either its looong run-on sentences or short boring ones. that is because i haven't written in a long time. I used to be able to come up with a proper poem in 1/2 an hour but now its 4 lines in an hour. this is pathetic. I feel guilty. guilty for not practising hard enough when i knew I could, guilty for not starting earlier so i could at least have proper sleep last night, guilty or not contributing hard enough. I know i could have done so much better with just some practise, but i don't practise. for some reason, i have become arrogant. my yearmates find it difficult even when they have tried so hard, but i dont try AT ALL. that is how big a wimp I am. Lots of people post like this. they whine and mooch about how bad their day was or how depressed they are-- it gets me depressed because then i feel guilty for not being able to reflect on what i have done and then do something to make it better. I skip the whining part altogether to the stage of acceptance because the more I whine, the sadder i feel. and it doesn't make any difference whether i whine or not because I am just going to get the same results anyway. That's giving up. I know it is wrong to give up and I know that my results aren't anybody's fault but mine and only I am in the position to change them. But I just don't do anything. For the plain reason that i dont feel like.