This song appeared in my head during the 2-hour marathon bio lecture. Actually when I say it, it doesn't sound long, but it felt long because it was hard to grasp a lot of the details of dna transcription. And I was woefully confused. Back to my trusty colourful bio book!

arrgh I don't know how to embed youtube videos when the code isn't there! And it isn't there for a lot of the videos that I want to embed D: but on the nerdfighter blog and the maureen johnson blog they can embed ANYTHING and it's easier to watch the videos/ know what they are referring to straightway. I'm sure there's a crack way to do this for videos whose uploaders don't want it to be distributed.

um. Yes when I looked up kimiko glenn, who plays Thea in the touring cast of spring awakening, I saw that she went to _Interlochen_ and went to look that up again, and thought that I would die to go to a place like that. It is so incredibly awesome and crazy but O_O in a good way. {realise the extent of my eloquence at this point} oh dear and then what did I spend my formative years doing?? I feel so pathetic, and talentless. Actually I really am pathetic and talentless... but you know that already. Those people are so amazing technically and to be able to go to a school like that and focus and cultivate your talent is an enormous opportunity.

Then I started thinking about my Creative Writing (that I used to do when I was in primary school and more hardworking than I am now) and what would have happened if I went to a place like that. That if I'd worked harder at actually writing and creating a proper portfolio I might have had a chance. So I'm here thinking "missed opportunity" and aw shucks. Which brings me to the conversation I had with a friend the other day:

LOVELY FRIEND: So why aren't you in the Creative Writing Club?
ME: I think that... I'm too old to write.
LF: How can you be too old to write? You're only 17-- what would have happened if [famous author] decided to stop writing at 17?

And her argument is supremely valid, because of course john green and all the writers whose blogs I read started nurturing their writing abilities from the minute they knew how to form a sentence, and if they just gave up at 17 we wouldn't be able to read what they have written today.

So yeah it's kind of like a pity, as she says, that I have stopped. I mean the last time I did anything of that kind was at that summer programme with Harold V. Crick, which was... one and a half years ago. And I haven't written anything since then. Except an epic elegy mourning lost love that is drawn out and excruciating like the "seventy times seven" bit in the beginning of wuthering heights. And a couple book reports for munny. i.e. the newspaper sends me movie passes and I pawn them off on youswop to get something I actually want; they are too poor to send actual money.

Anyway. I think I stopped writing because I thought that I sucked compared to my peers. You know when you're a kid everyone thinks you're precocious and showers praise and everything but when you get older they kind of expect it from you, and if you don't give it, it's like :( I thought I was lousy. And gave up. And was too lazy to do anything about it or attempt to work harder at it because I thought any effort would be useless since everybody's so much more adept than me. This inferiority complex-thing.

Arggh and now that I think of it, it's so dumb to give up because why should anyone tell you that you aren't good enough? I mean it's ok for someone to tell you that, but that shouldn't stop you from trying again. Even if your writing sucks, if you work at it and take constructive comments (oddly, the internet is a good place for this) you will get better. Or at least more tailored to people's tastes and be able to sell yourself/ make money out of it. Like Nora Roberts. But that's another story.

meek I have these points but they are jumbled up in my head and it's 2.25am and I can't sleep in math ==== Will continue tomorrow. Feel free to spam if I don't.

Today I went for a long car ride and to the supermarket, and felt dizzy and faint from over stimulation.

... I need to get out more.

um. I have concluded that the main reason for wanting to go to university somewhere else is because I want to be physically separated from my parents.

This is the dumbest and most immature reason there is, but no matter how many times I think it over, it always comes up at the top.
It is also not saying anything about my sensibility or rationality either.
Not that I am known for being rational.

icky ick I can't stand it here I need to get away and the mindless gay marriage/ sex education debate that's making the rounds is just making it worse.
Though I understand the religious reasons for it. And I can see the need for the government to be diplomatic about everything, since asian/ traditional values are still very fundamental to the framework of our society, and they are interwoven with the community. eg mendaki, singapore hokkien association help people find jobs and do things like meals on wheels and financial assistance.

I just can't stand the drivel I'm being made to hear, about people saying that being gay is just an inclination and that it can be "conditioned". There's this adult I know who says that it is the parent's fault if the child is gay because the parent has spoiled the child and has been too indulgent. There's also this general view that people are being gay because of single parent families.

And URGH the thing I hate most is that people can't tell being transgendered from being gay, or rather differentiate between wanting to be a member of the opposite gender and liking someone of the same gender.

There are SO MANY misconceptions and it's so disappointing.

I mean when I hear this I'm like: ohmygoodness how can people even come to these conclusions why are they oversimplifying things and urgh treating lgbtqs like freaking aliens!

And I increasingly want to leave for greener pastures.

AHHHHHH



Saw the spring awakening tour videos, and was mooching around online, and found out that I *might* just make it for the one in baltimore!!!!!!!!!!



Because the parents want me to sign up for a summer programme in the states, and if I get accepted into the one at johns hopkins, I MIGHT GET TO WATCH SA. The one at johns hopkins is from may 26- june 26, and the SA tour dates in baltimore are june 9-21, and I am convinced that THIS IS A SIGN that I have to apply for summer school there. AHHH I'll be watching the same cast as the people at leakycon will be watching! I have to do my research! Get to know the cast! Like, Intimately!



Damn and blast why can't I type fast enough. When I noticed that the spring awakening tour dates so COINCIDENTALLY coincided with leakycon I felt like: WHY. THIS IS NOT FAIR and ALL THE NERDFIGHTERS WOULD BE SQUEE-ING TOGETHER and they would all have fun and be at wrock bands and... you get the gist. And then now I *just* might get to see it and I am so STOKED although darn I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. As in I have to get accepted first, right? And settle the flight plans and school plans --ARGH june holidays don't start till may 30 and I have an effing TEST on the 27th so I might have to work things out.



But I really REALLY hope that there will still be tickets left... (checks)

Okay there are still tickets left, and good seats too, but meep this might mean I have to book online to ensure I get a ticket. Which is the least of my problems. OH CRAP what if the people there are strict and everything, and they don't let me go out to watch it? At trinity we were allowed to go, but it was in large groups and with a PA.



Actually finding someone to go with might not be much of a problem on the ning or on SA forums.

And the chances of this plan actually going through are practically 10% at this point, because there are so many things to finalise. And it's late, and people have already planned their summers by now >( It wouldn't hurt to try, though, for JH.

[edit: turns out that I missed the deadline by a month D: This post is going to be funny when I read this in the future, but not at the moment. ]

The Last Day! This is sad :'(

Before I started, I did not really understand what was the point of BEDA. All I had to do for BEDA was crap a little for every day of the month, and if I did that, I could say I did BEDA.

But gradually, knowing that there were actual people reading my blogs and commenting, I began to have more ownership over what I wrote every day. I discussed interesting issues, and tried to make sure all the bases of the argument were covered. I made sure the writing and expression was clear, paid attention to paragraphing, and basically attempted to make my blog marginally interesting to read.

It was a lovely feeling, knowing that at the end of the day, someone on the other side of the world was going to read what you had written. I looked forward to reading the comments on my blogposts, so thank you for commenting continuously every day :D I'm going to miss Summer, Rachel, Abby, Ingrid, for encouragement when beda first began, and most of all, my BEDA BUDDIES :D Alison, Julia, Julia Rios and Riane, thanks for commenting so contentiously, and for introducing good music and writing insightful posts. We will be the only 5-person group of BEDA'09! (there isn't a name yet, is there?)