This song appeared in my head during the 2-hour marathon bio lecture. Actually when I say it, it doesn't sound long, but it felt long because it was hard to grasp a lot of the details of dna transcription. And I was woefully confused. Back to my trusty colourful bio book!

arrgh I don't know how to embed youtube videos when the code isn't there! And it isn't there for a lot of the videos that I want to embed D: but on the nerdfighter blog and the maureen johnson blog they can embed ANYTHING and it's easier to watch the videos/ know what they are referring to straightway. I'm sure there's a crack way to do this for videos whose uploaders don't want it to be distributed.

um. Yes when I looked up kimiko glenn, who plays Thea in the touring cast of spring awakening, I saw that she went to _Interlochen_ and went to look that up again, and thought that I would die to go to a place like that. It is so incredibly awesome and crazy but O_O in a good way. {realise the extent of my eloquence at this point} oh dear and then what did I spend my formative years doing?? I feel so pathetic, and talentless. Actually I really am pathetic and talentless... but you know that already. Those people are so amazing technically and to be able to go to a school like that and focus and cultivate your talent is an enormous opportunity.

Then I started thinking about my Creative Writing (that I used to do when I was in primary school and more hardworking than I am now) and what would have happened if I went to a place like that. That if I'd worked harder at actually writing and creating a proper portfolio I might have had a chance. So I'm here thinking "missed opportunity" and aw shucks. Which brings me to the conversation I had with a friend the other day:

LOVELY FRIEND: So why aren't you in the Creative Writing Club?
ME: I think that... I'm too old to write.
LF: How can you be too old to write? You're only 17-- what would have happened if [famous author] decided to stop writing at 17?

And her argument is supremely valid, because of course john green and all the writers whose blogs I read started nurturing their writing abilities from the minute they knew how to form a sentence, and if they just gave up at 17 we wouldn't be able to read what they have written today.

So yeah it's kind of like a pity, as she says, that I have stopped. I mean the last time I did anything of that kind was at that summer programme with Harold V. Crick, which was... one and a half years ago. And I haven't written anything since then. Except an epic elegy mourning lost love that is drawn out and excruciating like the "seventy times seven" bit in the beginning of wuthering heights. And a couple book reports for munny. i.e. the newspaper sends me movie passes and I pawn them off on youswop to get something I actually want; they are too poor to send actual money.

Anyway. I think I stopped writing because I thought that I sucked compared to my peers. You know when you're a kid everyone thinks you're precocious and showers praise and everything but when you get older they kind of expect it from you, and if you don't give it, it's like :( I thought I was lousy. And gave up. And was too lazy to do anything about it or attempt to work harder at it because I thought any effort would be useless since everybody's so much more adept than me. This inferiority complex-thing.

Arggh and now that I think of it, it's so dumb to give up because why should anyone tell you that you aren't good enough? I mean it's ok for someone to tell you that, but that shouldn't stop you from trying again. Even if your writing sucks, if you work at it and take constructive comments (oddly, the internet is a good place for this) you will get better. Or at least more tailored to people's tastes and be able to sell yourself/ make money out of it. Like Nora Roberts. But that's another story.

meek I have these points but they are jumbled up in my head and it's 2.25am and I can't sleep in math ==== Will continue tomorrow. Feel free to spam if I don't.