I think, when I read Hunger Games and Catching Fire, I kind of understand how Katniss (protagonist) feels, because I know what it is, to be unsure about how you feel about a person. If I had read the books when I was 12, I would not understand katniss at all-- I would yell at her: "There is a boy who likes you likes you, and you kind of like him back, so why not TAKE HIM?! you stupid girl." I was the type of person who used to think Vicky Austin was triple-timing her guy friends, heh.

I kind of understand her guilt and confusion too, and it's so-- I don't want to have to bother about this, I have other more important situations to deal with, why the heck do I have to think about it at all? Eg you're guilty that someone likes you but you don't like him back, but when you say you don't like him, you know he'll be upset. And you can't stand him being sad, because he used to be/is a great friend. re:Gale. All this when you know you're going to be sent to fight for your life in a month. Poor katniss.

You: nerdfighter!

Stranger: :\

You: you aren't a nerdfighter?

You: srs?

You: *disappointed*

Stranger: what the hell is a Nerdfighter?

You: go google it

You: we fight against worldsuck

Stranger: sorry, my time is too precious

You: we fight with our hearts, our tombones, and our calculators

You: we took over youtube on dec17th and 18th

You: you should become a nerdfighter. we are recruiting

Stranger: err

You: really. we are.

Listening to: Sainthood, Tegan and Sara's latest album

So last thursday I went out (on a whim!) with geeru to escape theme park.

TICKET LADY: Hi, so how old are you?
ME: (in a loud and embarrassing whisper) geeru! Tell her we are 12. We look 12, don't we? Then we get the child price.
GEERU: *is embarrassed, giggles at ticket lady* um, we're 17.
TICKET LADY: *laughs* It will be $18
ME: $18 each?
TICKET LADY: No, $18 for the both of you.
ME: *collapses in laughter*

So we go on all the rides, the Haunted House first. We want to get in, but the door seems to be locked. So this young boy tells us to knock. I laugh absurdly, thinking that the young boy has watched one too many horror movies, and proceed... not to knock. Geeru has better sense than me, and knocks, and they open up!

I was scared, because of the pitch-black darkness. More scared than I expected to be, actually. So I cling on to geeru with sweaty palms. She laughs bemusedly at the green lighting, fake-looking skeletons and other rubbery unidentified objects, while I quiver and try not to scream. There are 10 year old boys with us in the haunted house, and they are not making a sound. I tell myself that I have more guts than a 10 year old, while holding geeru's poor hand in a vice-like grip. I am such a wimp.

In the queue for the viking ride, we line up behind this girl and her group of friends. Girl has amazing, pale skin and freckles, and has short hair with a braid behind her ear to hold her hair back. The girl gets kissed by her boyfriend.

GEERU: *whispers* Doesn't she look a bit young?
ME: Yeah. But I would go out with her in a minute.
GEERU: *is mildly shocked* Nicole!! You pollute my innocent mind. (a translation of her facial expression)
ME: But! I like her tattoo, and her outfit and her shoes and her green sunglasses. I want her camera! (a pro-looking one) I would date her for her turquoise nails. If I went out with her, I could ask to borrow her top!
GEERU: *rolls eyes*

Geeru does not understand how pretty she looks. But no matter.
Girl and friends scream TONS during the ride, which made it all the more thrilling and liberating, which was probably the feeling we wanted to go for. Sadly, we lost Girl at the advanced go-kart line, where me and geeru conceded it was best to leave our limbs and sanity intact, and opt for the beginner go-karts.

Ah, love.

Speaking of love, I currently have a crush on Tegan and Sara. I want to go out with either of them! I want their cd. I like the fact that they're canadian, and it's also awesome that lots of my newfound amanda palmer fan friends like them too :D So it's good all round.

It would be nice to put on black jeans, a band shirt, eyeliner and blue nails, and pretend to be a rocker chick. Maybe then they would go out with me. I'm not a real rocker chick, though. I don't play in a band, I don't have cool friends who go jamming, I don't own converse sneakers. I don't even have the killer attitude needed to pull off black eyeliner. But, hopefully, if I pretended to be a rocker chick, the rockstar power of skinny jeans and styled hair would rub off on me, and I would be properly punk! Then a fellow punk rocker would go out with me.

That's it for this week, I think. A list of girl crushes. Take of it what you wish. (And go check out Tegan and Sara! Their music is not what you would expect from a girl group, but their guitar riffs and drums are insane.)

super super quick one:
Tomorrow's schedule--

7.30am-1pm SAT test that I hope I won't flunk (again)
1pm-2pm lunch
2pm-5pm fleaflyflofun, a flea market
5pm-7.15pm Wild and Fabulous, ANOTHER flea by ACRES
7.15pm-8pm dinner
8pm-10pm The Devil's Encore, a play/jazz thing that imma buy tickets for later

money-spending D: BUT finally proper shopping after months ftw
busybusybusy

a second thing:

Love, love, love is everywhere
But not a drop for me to drink
Tie me up and bind my feet
Drop me in and watch me sink

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get too close to me

-Locked Up, by Ingrid Michaelson
link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LAyabX9Ode8&feature=quicklist&playnext=5&playnext_from=QL

Jumping on the bandwagon? After I saw a friend's result that was so terribly true.

Name: nicole

Date: 11/30/2009

Colorgenics Number: 51270643
PRINT THIS PAGE
-->
You are longing for some love and affection at this time - not that you have been deprived of tender loving care - but there are times when everyone needs to try something new or to go 'somewhere' else to perhaps experience that little extra 'understanding'. (This is embarrassing. I think the test delves into my subconscious. Though obviously I have found appreciation "somewhere else". But I am not in need of love and affection! because I have lovely, lovely friends who put up with all my bad behavior. (I have a disgusting tendency to oversleep and be late and not do work.) At this point I'm still amazed they've hung around. This is why they are amazing. :D )

You don't really give in. You follow your beliefs and ideals to the bitter end. You are the personification of stubbornness and whatever may transpire, right or wrong, you refuse to compromise or make concessions. (Agreed! Stubbon. Like a mule. My babysitter used to say that of me when I was three. Above also implies that I am hard to work with, and this might be true, though I'm not sure myself.)

You wear your heart on your sleeve and since you are an emotional person you are apt to give your all - heart and soul - to all those that show you a little affection; but take care - it would appear that you have been extremely hurt in the past and you keep leaving yourself wide open for punishment. (Ha! You got that right quiz! "heart on my sleeve" indeed. Intensely emotional, needlessly so. Also intensely enthusiastic; you know, turn the volume up and keep it there-- it's either at max. volume or mute. )

Having experienced considerable disappointment of late and not knowing quite what to do about it this has led you to suffer a great deal of agitation and anxiety. You are trying very hard to make favourable impressions all round. You feel that you have a right to do anything that you wish without being condemned for your beliefs. Everything seems to be going against you and you feel helpless to change the situation. The possibility of failure is most upsetting and this situation is leading to untold stress. You honestly believe that the situation is not of your making - it is not your fault - you have been misled and abused by those that you trusted, but you are trying to look at the situation quite dispassionately. Would you perhaps not agree that this situation could be regarded as unrealistic self justification? (AGREES. guilt.)

You are worn out - suffering from what has been described as 'burnout' and nothing seems to stimulate you to break away from this state of lethargy. This situation is causing an acute distress situation and not being able immediately to resolve the problems is exposing you to excess stress and tension. You are endeavouring to break away from this situation by withdrawing into a state of 'Never Never Land' - an illusory substitute world in which things could be as you would like them to be. Now is the time to take time-out - to relax. A short break is all that you need and you will find that matters will resolve themselves. (Meep. No comment. This is dangerously true. This is why I let the quiz tell you things that I am too human to put up myself! Let a computer do the job of what I am unable to do. I'm taking a "short break" now. Kind of. Though there are rarely breaks %*$?#)

This might answer the "So how are you lately?" question, which I cannot do myself; I always seem to give unsatisfactory answers. I cannot answer that question! Do not ask an indecisive or easily distracted person that question! She will pause for a very long time and proceed to go off on a vague tangent.

It's so HARD not to blog. Really.

So today I went to BooksActually to see Chris Pash, and it turns out I was the only customer who went *just* to see him/ hear him talk about his book. Sad times. Anyway, as I was paying for pooky's SECRET PRESENT, I spot a Who Killed Amanda Palmer atop a shelf.

ME: how much is that book?
BOOKEEPER: --insert weird look-- Um, it's $250. A signed copy. (it is all too obvious that I cannot pay for it.)

But. But. I want a WKAP so bad! *cries*

And when I start asking mr. Chris Pash for an autograph, he talks about his book. Because I am rendered speechless by this opportunity-- I had been creeping around quite suspiciously in close proximity-- he starts using handsigns/ gestures very liberally and mimes out "talking" and "thinking" and "reporters"! The way you would speak to someone who doesn't understand english.

And he remembers my name! Because he signed for only one other couple, who happened to be on the flight with him to singapore. *is starstruck* After that my heart was beating so fast and I was so excited but I had to restrain myself, because it is not socially appropriate to scream at a person. He went "Be sure to add me on facebook!"

He had to do a lot of ridiculous self-promotion though, i.e. say to every person at the counter: "Why don't you read this book? It's a really good book by Mr Chris Pash-- he's a great writer." As no one knew who the hell he was. I think it's also because I haven't seen The Last Whale in mainstream bookstores, so he has to try to promote himself as best as he can, to sell anything. Now I'm more forgiving towards Wena Poon for taking any chance she can get to get her book out there. It's hard to be an author these days.

But honestly? The Last Whale appears to many potential book-buyers as the typical tree-hugger diatribe. The one-sided "green" argument that is becoming cliched. I only bought the book because there were mentions of Bob Hunter and his hippie friends (book is set in the 70s), and their crazy attempts to stop the whale chasers. It's very rare that you see people so passionate about their cause, and so willing to sacrifice their effort and energy to decrease worldsuck. The book is very inspiring, in that effect.

I've also gotten to know more about how the "stop whaling" process goes, because there are many causes that people are contributing to right now, especially in schools as part of CIP, but usually nothing comes out of these awareness campaigns. I'm really impressed that they have achieved a consensus. The conservation process is a lot more than protesting and yelling about; real change comes when you get the attention of policymakers, and seek to communicate with the whalers themselves, to see where they're coming from.

Sometimes though, the tactics they used to get media attention strangely resemble those used in reality TV (balloon boy, anyone?). Such is the nature of real world? One part of me is surprised/ ashamed that they stooped so low, and the other part of me accepts the fact that there is no other way to make your voice heard with today's sensationalised media.

Chris Pash did an event at swf too, but reception there wasn't too good either. It was an amazing coincidence that I went to see him talk, because during that timeslot there wasn't an event at the Chamber, and I just happened to crash his event. Julian and Loki were there too, most likely. heh though they/ other swf people probably don't read this.

Shall I put up a picture of my signed book? YES.


Slowly but surely, I will learn the Code of Fangirling Conduct.

You know, people, *delirious look* I think I have fallen in love.... with the interwebs.

I like how it brings people together! Like um the tessaract? OH, bosh. all of you have read A Wrinkle In Time, right? And there's this part where one of the Mrs Ws takes the end of her dress, stretches it out and goes: "Ok this is linear time and space, where the fastest way between two points is a straight line." and then she puts two corners together and goes: "And this is a tessaract."

Obviously I don't have it word for word, but you get the gist.

Today is a wondrous day, my friends, because Maureen FREAKING Johnson and Sarah Rees Brennan @replied me on twitter! Finally, a reward for staying up till ungodly hours and ridiculously monitoring my twitter feed. This is just like the time jbdazen replied my comment. Ah, the days.

Oh dear. I get happy whenever I get to have contact with someone famous. Like the time I almost fainted in joy when Amanda Palmer opened with "Creep", and it reminded me of a very special moment that I couldn't pin down... until I rediscovered this:

oh dear oh dear I am beginning to sound like the girl in "Oasis":

When I got to the party
They gave me a forty
And I must've been thristy 'cause I drank it so quickly
When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault that the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested I brought along my best friend Melissa Mahoney
Who had once been molested
And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly, but the test came back positive Uh-oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour before the appointment
And outside the building
There were all these annoying fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them Oh oh

I've had better days but I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crack whore
Melissa had told them
And so now we're not talking
Except we have tickets
To see Blur in October and I think we're still going and oh, oh

I've seen better days but I don't care
Oh, I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis sent a photograph
It's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear

I'm quite sure I don't need an abortion though. The last time I checked.
[/random] I used to have a best friend called Melissa! But back then we were too small to know what "crack whore" meant, so it's fine.

oh. And I have this hysterically weepy/ fangirly entry on swf, neil gaiman, amanda palmer and all that. Just that I haven't the time (due to project work, the BMAT) to finish it up yet, and upload the photos. Although they are all on facebook, should you care to view them. When I post it it's going to seem like I had a month-long hangover, but really I'm just popping it in the oven and attending to it when I have the time. I.E. you will see it when it gets done. Eventually.

THE THING about teen angst is that it makes for horrible blogposts.
You are embarrassed after you write a poem/ song/ blog entry about it.

But it when you are in the midst of it, it feels like the most important thing in the world at the moment, and you have to document it. When you see someone else talking about it too, you think: "oh my gosh we have a deep connection-- I am not the only one!"

And in some ways, you are reassured by it because being capable of emotion is part of being human.

Ok, that's enough excuses to validate what is going to follow.

crudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrudcrud

1. I can't go to melbourne; they cancelled the trip.
2. It is so frustrating communicating with some people.

These are really dumb things to be angry over.

In the words of ms hayleyghoover:

"So as much as I'm dying to spew my guts about the mean, awful, terrible thing one of my good friends did to me this weekend, I cannot. Because, for one, I have no real way of knowing who's going to see this, and for two, this blog entry will outlive my hurt feelings. I could preserve my current fury in a blogosphere time capsule, and it would make me feel better for a day or two... but eventually, I'm going to unhate him and regret that decision. And it SUCKS."

Today I realised to make friends on teh interwebs, you have to comment/ @reply/ talk A LOT. or you know, they won't reply back. I have realised after being on youtube for a year! (cue cheers) technically it's a year and a week now, I think, after little nicole put up her very first edited video. Now I'm 27 videos in and going strong :D That averages to about 2 videos a month. YAY.


Honestly I'm the kind of web user who will ~lurk for ages and not post/ comment anything significant for fear of posting something wrong or saying something that's lame. It's the same thing with speaking.

As I'm writing this it's 10pm Monday, November 2nd.I've been listening to various versions of "creep"-- this one by jbdazen, this one with johnny depp in it, and this one with the fabulous amanda palmer at COACHELLA.

I can't get over seeing amanda palmer on halloween. The last time I celebrated halloween was when I was eleven and was Nearly Headless Nick. Her performance took my breath away. I had been awaiting her arrival ever since neil gaiman blogged in august about coming to singapore, and he said that amanda palmer would be coming as well, I was like: !!!! and oh my gosh. So it's been three months of waiting, and I finally got to see her it was crazy.

I wasn't a fan of her before neil gaiman talked about her doing "I Google You", though, so I didn't know her from her dresden doll days. But the wonderful mr gaiman kept on mentioning her, so I looked up her channel, watched "Oasis", and was hooked. Lately through her blog and twitter I've begun to see her as a musician based on the internet, much like Tom Milsom, Pomplamoose, and various wizard rock bands. She's been talking about the music business, about how consumers should be able to give their money straight to the artist instead of it being passed through the hands of record companies first. She also loves the power of twitter and the way it allows her to connect with fans on a more personal level. This form of communication is really amazing, because I get to know my artist and his/her beliefs, and about her gigs/ cd releases/ new songs before everyone else.

I took lots of pictures over the course of the weekend, so we'll start from the beginning.

This is an extremely blurry picture of Neil Gaiman in an event on children's literature , but mostly it was just the moderator asking general questions and fans getting to ask their burning questions. I was sitting at the back, fresh from crowd-handling as a volunteer, and it was the first time I saw him in person, so it was quite surreal.


This is from the next event, which was him and amanda palmer discussing the book and the album, Who Killed Amanda Palmer. An informative behind-the-scenes video of the creation of the book is here.


As you can tell, I'm a great photographer xD I shall attempt to explain away the shakiness by the fact that I was so excited I was trembling? But really I haven't been able to find other photos on the interwebs yet, so these will have to do. Strangely I was more enthusiastic about amanda palmer's presence than neil gaiman's, even though I've known his work longer than I've known amanda. But they are so cute together! You can tell they are really appreciative of each other in real life, which was what they've been talking about on their respective blogs lately.

There are only so many things one can be pumped about!

In the order that is in my head:

1. I am manning the same room AMANDA FUCKING PALMER will be in on the 31st of october

2. Today I witnessed the meeting of Lat, Mark Waid and Sonny Liew = Graphic Novel EXPLOSION.

3. There was a talk about the chinese literary scene in singapore, and they talked about the spectrum of human experience, and how children learning chinese should read widely and open their minds... it was amazing. I didn't know chinese writers were so awe-inspiring! Not having the opportunity to experience hardship/ separation/ 离开家乡 is not an excuse for singaporean writers to write badly. I have to read chinese books now.

4. The chartjackers song was in my head for most of yesterday. YAY to the power of the interwebs!!

5. Lea Michele singing "Defying Gravity"? Ok, honestly, WHERE ELSE will you hear that other than on Glee? They should put blake bashoff, jonathan groff or john gallagher jr. on the show next.

6. Today I met this other fangirl! Who's going for the Neil Gaiman event too!! ~exciting.

All this pumping makes me tired. Have to be up and perky tomorrow, and attempt to fit in a run between now and then D: (Because I'm going to australia for a outdoor expedition thing, i.e. climbing huge rocks.)

Ahh

I just found out through fb that two of my trinity summer school mates went to BU SUMMER. (cries) It was the one I wanted to go to but always couldn't because it's after the school holidays and I didn't want to miss school, and it was too far and the tickets too expensive etc. And my parents were worried about me travelling alone but it's not like I haven't been to a foreign country before.

(whines somemore) Pooky- it's jahnavi and avanthika-- do you remember? Go check your fb. Because I'm graduating next year so I really want to take advantage of the time left.

Ok if you don't know what BU summer is, it's here. And it's the one I whined about earlier this year and getting to see SPRING AWAKENING. I also whined about this 2 years ago, on this blog. It is clear that I am an expert at whining.

[/endwhine]

hello darlings!

Erk it's been so long since I last blogged properly that I don't know where to start.
Um.

I finished my exams today, and when I went out for lunch, I realised that I hadn't been out to eat in... 1 1/2- 2 months. So it was quite strange, walking around in a mall and planning things. It just feels so odd, having nothing pressing to do.

Before my exams I had a whole list of things I promised myself I would do, but now I don't really feel like doing anything. When I went to school for exams, socialisation was practically nil.

In my head is just: "Oh crud oh crud today's the day what if I fail what if I can't answer anything I should have looked through my work again oh crud I don't want to be in acad support again I didn't sleep much last night and I'm all jumpy now and all raw nerves dammit if I talk to somebody now I have to worry about conversation I hope I brought everything"

Worst thing is, I don't think the work I've done will pay off, because there were questions esp for chem and math that I could do, BUT I FREAKING FORGOT TO LOOK OVER THOSE TOPICS AGAIN, so I had problems with questions that I should have been able to do. It's so frustrating, to know that argh you could have done better. Admittedly I was losing focus a week before promos started, because there is so freaking much to revise, especially for bio. So it's very easy to just give up/ in and detach.

Enough ranting; a happy video.

The Kills make me want to put on eyeliner, wear black heels and cuffs.

billilovesmargot recommended it as "james bond" music, and it's because... they make you feel like you're in a james bond movie. You know, supercool attitude, glamorous dresses, fast cars.

That's all for this week! I'm off to do some ~mail quickly and then back to studying. Really really have to pass my H2s, but unfortunately for chemistry mugging plotted against marks is an exponential graph.

(i.e. the amount of studying is not equivalent to the marks you're going to get; you have to study a lot to get *some* marks... ok the graph says it a lot better than I do. Put "amount of studying" on the x-axis and "marks obtained" on the y-axis. Ruth told me this, and she is a math genius.)

Glee quote:

"Well for a while there you were kind of all over me and now you just yell at me all the time."

link here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blauRjmkISQ&feature=channel
scene starts at 0:44 thereabouts.

Not... the most insightful of quotes. But, it summed things up.

OKAY. Back to binomial/poisson/ normal.

for reference: this article http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/education/article6839056.ece makes me wimper, laugh and sigh disjointedly ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

impressive!

Hello peeps!

Listening to Pomplamoose. They're having a gig with Danielle Ate the Sandwich, and this is AWESOME because they're both really accomplished musicians, and to put them together would be crazycakes. They pay attention to the lyrics, and you can tell they're writers/ read a lot etc.

It also helps that Danielle is my favorite on the tubes xD Listen to Born in the Wrong Body; the imagery and its ability to invoke your feelings is amazing.

updates?

Am filming my new video in sections because my camera's running out of memory. Actually it's because I tried to do a reenactment _and_ a lipsynch in one take and that took up most of the memory. Filmed 10s worth of video today. I should clear my memory card!

It's also because I don't have time to edit >.> because editing takes 1-2hrs in wee hours of the morning... and lately that time has been taken up by revision/ PROJECT WORK. PW is a whole other can of worms. And I think I need to pass my promos. 1 and a half more weeks and I am done.

In an attempt to put myself in a revision mood (I've been procrastinating too much lately. A few days ago I lost steam, and well... got lost in the flood of work to do, and didn't know where to start. Grumble. lost motivation. D: ) I'll dissect my progress, mostly for my own benefit, and to sort things out. This will bore you.

Math:
p&c, probability (done)
binomial poisson normal, hypothesis, correlation/regression (not done)
graphing, apgp, inequalities (done)
functions, summation (not done)

Chem:
atomic structure, chem bonding, energetics, chem eqm (done)
stoichiometry, gases, reaction kinetics (not really done)
periodicity, ionic equilibrium (not done)

Bio:
respiration, photosynthesis, viruses, dna&genomics (done)

bacteria, prokaryotes/eukaryotes, meiosis/mitosis, enzymes (half done)

carbs/lipds/proteins, cell structure, cell membrane (not done)

Lit:
horribly, horribly behind, have got to prepare questions/ remember quotes, summaries

GP:
The essay is ok, AQ is not(!) and it's very annoying. Otherwise paper 2 is fine. I think.

GLEE.

This is going to be a short one.

Have you watched the new episode of glee? I don't know--the pilot seemed so much better, right? ok maybe I'm influenced by Kayley, who didn't really like it.

The writing's surprisingly sharp, though, and funny, but it seems like the singing and humor exist for the sake of themselves? There's not much in terms of plot, and efforts to add depth to the show are very Fail, for lack of a better word. For example, they try to bring in issues like eating disorders, but it doesn't really come through because of the humor. The humor just shoots them in the foot when the writers are trying to make an argument. I mean if you want to make a joke don't try to make it serious? There are plays/ tv shows that manage issues and humor fairly well, but it's hard to balance both aspects-- just do it well or not do it at all.

And the voiceovers! Don't they remind you of Scrubs? I suppose one cannot expect too much from a public-access tv show.

When Lea Michele's character talks about the sex thing, I completely agree with the misconception and "Girls want sex just as much as guys do.", but ahh the way she brings it up is so cringey.

"Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain." It's so insulting, and fallacious. I mean it's not like all of us are having sex left right and center, are we?

okok I'm nitpicking now, and being cynical. The music's good, and I'll leave it at that.

Struggle.

I don't know if this is a chinese thing, but when I first saw this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnnJnIj3T90 (or lianeandthemusic's recent video) I was just thinking:

duh, life is a struggle. You're meant to struggle-- if you don't struggle what you're working hard for is not worth it. Stop wallowing and get on with it. Stop complaining.

And I don't know-- what you're taught doesn't really translate into action, I suppose. Because sometimes I feel like this too and I used to get really hung up about feeling sad and despondent, and start to wonder what I'm struggling for.

Then your parents/ teachers will tell you to stop bawling for god's sake, look at jenny--does she cry her eyes out? How are you going to compete in the future if you continue like this? Jenny's all decided about what she wants to do in life, are you? Why don't you have any ambition? Everyone else has a goal, why don't you? I'm so disappointed in you; we have spent so much time and effort into teaching you and these are the results you give me? Why didn't you try harder? If you didn't spend so much time with your friends and more time studying, you would have done better. Why did you do this? You have not only disappointed me, you have disappointed your family, school, classmates-- you are such a disgrace!

Basically the thing is to guilt-trip you until you pull up your socks.

I don't think I want to take a stand on this; I'm pretty undecided regarding educational methods and cultural differences, but I wanted to find out if the difference in opinions was significant? heh because my relatives look down on people from the states or to simplify it, angmohs (红毛鬼, a label that encompasses all caucasians), and are like: "See? Us chinese work harder, and can 吃苦 (overcome suffering). Over there they wait for the government to help them, here the government doesn't help us! See- all the smart kids are chinese or indian."

Ok bringing in Social Welfare is a whole other can of worms, but the point is that sometimes people here(?) tend to make generalisations about angmohs and in some cases they are convinced that their generalisations are correct. Take the recession, for example. Some people think that the recession happened because Americans are stupid and don't know how to be thrifty when they take loans for a house or a car that is priced way beyond their means. So this led to the sub-prime crisis.

On the other end of the spectrum, it is kind of part of the culture here to be careful with your money; people would rather stay in a flat that they can own rather than in a landed property they have to take a loan for. It's also admirable to "have a million" in your bank account and dress like someone poorer, and old people commonly turn their lights off in the day to save on electricity bills. There is a sterotype that chinese tend to be calculative, but this is not without basis when you think about confucian teachings. Almost the whole chinese culture (at least, what we get in schools) is based on the idea that hard work = success. From this stems the idea that if you don't get the prize first, other people will, and the obstacles in your life are punishment for your wrongdoings. (please, please correct me if I'm wrong)

just watched history boys, and its is *swoons* lovely.

The writing! Is just incredible, and really sharp and witty. There's the screenplay of it somewhere (it exists on amazon) so I'll go look for it.

The big themes are education and coming of age, but what really stood out for me was love. If one really wanted to do this systematically, there's lust between dakins/fiona, yearning in posner/dakins and tension~ in irwin/dakins. See? All the romantic relationships practically revolve around dakins, and rightfully so-- he is smouldering.

Irwin is this temp. teacher, by the way, who comes to tutor the boys on how to write clever essays for the oxbridge admissions exams.

The writing was so amazing that I had to stop and rewind some parts, especially towards the end with irwin/dakins, and irwin is so... shy and blushy and bowled over. (I almost typed "blowed over". Anyway.) And dakins is like: "you know you want me". But I can't believe irwin is such a wuss like that! He's practically melting when dakins promises him a date.

Though. At some points it's hard to see beyond the comedy and into the serious stuff. Or rather at some points these are hard to differentiate. Especially with dakin, you don't really know whether he's taking anything seriously. You don't even know where is alliances lie.

Obviously in these things the characters do not have a definite sense of morality, so I don't know why this new york times review said that

"This is a work in which the most likable and, by the play's standards, most moral figure is an obese English teacher who regularly swats his students in class and fiddles (to use the euphemism of choice) with the more attractive of them after school."

I mean morality in these things is not even a question. The history boys isn't meant to be moralistic; it's meant to show things the way they are/ were and explore the relationship between a teacher and his students. For those who haven't seen it, hector (the "obese English teacher") and his groping isn't taken seriously. There are certain doubts, like "how will I deal with it if he feels me up?" But mostly the boys think it's all a joke, a slight inclination the English Teacher happens to have; they respect him for his opinions and teachings all the same.

Granted, the NYT was reviewing the stage play, and I've only watched the movie.

But the love! (posner has for dakin) Is so endearing and sweet and... *swoons again*.

[SCRIPPS has just seen POSNER swooning over dakin]

SCRIPPS: Love can be very irritating.
POSNER: How do you know?
SCRIPPS: It's what I always think about God; he must get so pissed off, everybody adoring him all the time.
POSNER: Yes. Only you don't catch God poncing about in his underpants.

[Cut to this scene of POSNER singing]

And then there's this scene between posner and hector after that, and they talk about literature:

HECTOR: Lost boy though he is, on the far side of the world, he still has a name.
(On Hardy) A saddish life, though not unappreciated. "Uncoffined" is a typical Hardy usage. It's a compound adjective, formed by putting "un" in front of a noun. Or verb, of course. Unkissed, unrejoicing, unconfessed, unembraced. It's a turn of phrase that brings with it a sense of not sharing. Of being out of it, whether because of diffidence or shyness. But a holding back. Not being in the swim. Can you see that?

POSNER: Yes, sir. I felt that a bit.

HECTOR: The best moments in reading are when you come across something -- a thought, a feeling, a way of looking at things-- that you'd thought special, particular to you. And here it is, set down by someone else. A person you've never met, maybe even someone long dead. And... it's as if a hand has come out and taken yours.

The first part, the "un" bit, you can't help but feel sorry for posner and hector alike, who both have something/ someone they really want but who won't reciprocate their affections (in posner's case) or something they can't have. (being openly gay, in hector's case. He is married.)
And I don't have to mention that the reading quote has its own inherent value.

I would love to see the History Boys performed live, only there aren't any tours in my area. Will see. If you want to watch it, I watched it off youku. It's also nc16 for all those legal people who want to buy/ borrow it ^^

EDIT: I want to buy the soundtrack! The 80s songs they use as background are great, as is samuel barnett's Bewitched and Bye Bye Blackbird.

YAY! the proper layout is back! ^^ hip, hip HOORAY.

This song by pomplamoose is appropriate for the situation.

Dinner for two lost its taste
When I embraced
All of your leftover bait
And I wish we had never gone stale
But who could tell
Your expiration date
Oh Id like to get over
Id like to get over you

School is helping. Loads. Massively.

Chemistry practical tomorrow, which is 7.5% of our ALevel grade, and I am nervous. I always get the titration wrong and forget the concentration calculations and the questions kind of build up on each other, so if you get the first one wrong, you'll get the rest wrong. They've given us lots of practice, so I've been going over them and redoing them. Hopefully I don't mess up tomorrow.

And then EOM and lit homework which I never do and chem tutorials and my stupid philo essay, which class I can't go to anymore. *grumble* I mean for the past 5 years I've been giving things up for the sake of school and I hate not being able to do the things I like. And once I give up something, I'm not allowed to take it back, in case my grades drop again. Mostly the school makes me give things up. And mostly it is my fault.

Ok it is entirely my fault that I've had to give things up. Admittedly I used to not mind giving up violin and my time, because I didn't want to be bogged down by things, but now I would really like not to have remedial and have my time back. And now I've given almost everything up and what's left is the minimum to get my butt through school, but it's still not working.

Although. The upside is that the emphasis on schoolwork and busybusy days make you think about your priorities, so you keep what is important to you and let go of what is not. Everything superfluous is abandoned, and your time and energy is concentrated on activities that matter, so that's a good thing.

I'm hungry.
and off-kilter.
When have I not been off-kilter?

Arghh I don't want to have to worry about.

I don't know what to say, except that everything that has been going on lately has been rather personal.

Hmm. Since amanda palmer (http://twitter.com/amandapalmer) is talking about hitting the rag, I'll talk about that too! I don't have bad cramps ^^ And I'm not on the rag at the moment. Some people chart their cycles on a calendar, but I don't, partly because mine tends to be really irregular. I am fascinated by people who can go: "okay, Aunt Flo is going to visit this week; I'd better stock up on aspirin." The crimon wave shouldn't be something to complain about, especially when you eat less!

On a more (or less?) serious note, I notice that in a coed school, people don't complain about their cramps as much. In my old school, we used to use it as an excuse for anything! Especially PE. I hate the pads they sell in the school shop for people who aren't expecting it. They're the cheapest kind, which means they're lumpy and rough. I like tampons!Have you noticed the ones they sell in condom-like packaging? That's funny.

The euphemisms are so cute:
My cup of joy is overflowing
Nosebleed in Australia
Playing banjo in Sgt. Zygote's Ragtime Band (beatles reference!)
Panty shields up, Captain! (port or starboard?)
Scarlet letter, The (literary reference!)
Vampire's bag lunch (Though hopefully not edward's. Has anyone thought of what Edward does when Bella is on the rag?)

fug it why is blogger falling to pieces? yesterday I couldn't link, and today I can't see the layout properly. 2.30am.

sorry. This whole time I've been thinking about going away but the thing is. If university/ what comes next doesn't turn out to be what I've hoped it would be, what would I do? Because sometimes I kind of think that university would be the be all and end all, the solution to all the problems, the end to this blinking hell hole, but what if it isn't really all these things?

What if my teachers/ lecturers end up being people who can't teach? What if I won't get to learn all the things I want to? What if secretly university and the classes and the syllabus are just like A levels, only worse? fugfugfug I mean I never thought these things could happen until I went to the school I'm going to now.

Though honestly it is not wise to put university on a pedestal and say that it is made up of good glorious things, when actually it might, in equal parts, might

ok this will be a quick one:

from amanda palmer: "i’m also trying to book a singapore gig (i’ll be there with neil) in october."
ARE YOU SERIOUS and

from neil gaiman: "World Fantasy Con is Hallowe'en Weekend (in San Jose website is http://www.worldfantasy2009.org/). I won't be there as I'm going to be in Singapore for the literary festival. But I will miss it."

oh my goodness they never come to this part of the world...

And even if amanda palmer can't book a show, she can still do a ninja twitter thing and I will pay!

I double-checked and the literary festival in question is the Singapore Writer's Festival. OMG I can volunteer and things they have openings-- but it's for schools only/ organisations. If only I can find a group of people... WG? Anyone from WG covering this? Can I have in on this??

It would be like volunteering at a CON, because they have programming and panels and things... and it is after promos (year end exams) but before PW (this project we have to do)so I will be free for this!! Kind of. But it is a chance not to be missed ahh.

Looked up the guest list but neil gaiman isn't on it. What if he just put it as a typo or a joke or something and he isn't really coming? *dithers* should I email to ask for specifics?

D: twitter was down yesterday and I couldn't check jbdazen's tweets. *sigh*
On the bright side, fiona has found my blog! *waves* after the whole ___room fuss. haha.

Haven't been posting for two weeks or so. What has transpired in my absence? hmm http://redbicycletea.blogspot.com has updated. So has tumbleweedrabbits. We're starting from scratch! It's relieving because all my icky pictures used to be on there and now they are not. phoung-nghi takes better pictures than I do. So does michele.

I keep watching jbdazen's The Geeks Are Out video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ae8mCVje0M) and I keep seeing myself... and the quality of the video pales in comparison to the other participants. I mean it's only a couple seconds (thank god for that) but argh seeing yourself in widescreen amongst other better youtubers is a bit discouraging. It's because I'm thin-skinned. I could have put in more effort, though, because when I filmed the video I was in a rush to go to school because I stupidly slept the night before. darn.

Happy thing! Washed the shoes I got from youswop and they fit like a glove! Because they were a bit big before and they shrank while washing, I guess. Got them for $12 in youswop money, which I swopped 1 sudoku player for. Yay for not spending real money. Though sometimes the youswop thing doesn't work because I really want shoes, but the shoes there are ugly/ don't fit me. And I can't buy any more clothes, because my closet is filled to the brim. I mean really. I can't fit my new clothes in. A wardrobe full of clothes and nothing to wear.

I don't think it's because I'm buying too many clothes, though. The last time I went shopping was two months ago (at the fleaflyflofun thing) and I only got a skirt. It's just that I have things that my parents/ relatives have gotten for me, but I hate them and never wear them. But it's not polite if you throw it away, because then they'll be like: "Where's the shirt I got you? Why aren't you wearing it?" And I still have things that don't fit me, that I used to wear when I was 10/ 11 years old. When you think about it, I'll be turning 17 next wednesday-- that means I've kept the clothes for far too long!

Don't think I should be shopping from now till exams though. I don't know. Sometimes when I haven't been going out, I really really feel that I need to get out of the school-home-tuition loop and do something or my brain will get fried.

Pfft won't get my camera back till tuesday so I can't catch up on video-uploading during the long weekend D: sigh. Yesterday during national day festivities, this ensued:

CHELE: *holding video camera, filming* Could you help me film?
ME: Sure! (jumps and grabs camera from her hands)
CHELE: (goes away)
PA SYSTEM: Could everybody sit down?
ME: oh crap oh crap (messes up footage)
CHELE: (returns) I'll take it from here
~another group comes on~
ME: Can I film this? I'm really good at keeping the camera still, I'm really good with video cameras... (really, I have only used video cameras twice in my life)
CHELE: But it's not mine-- I don't think you should be playing with it. If we can delete the footage it'll be ok.
ME: Okay, hand it over. I'll figure it out. (presses too many buttons and has no idea how to do this)
CHELE: It's not yours, woman, don't spoil it.
ME: But it's so shiny! Don't you realise how much memory this has? The quality of video? The battery life? (rambles and still can't figure it out)
OWNER OF CAMERA: (I do not know this person at all) Could I have my camera back?
ME: (Grudgingly returns camera with a sad look)
CHELE: (kicks me)

I deserved to be kicked. But! video cameras are so shiny...

Quote from AFP: (heh amanda palmer, not agency france-presse)

"Being alone is hugely important. I've often thought that if I'd had the internet as a teenager, I may never have become a good songwriter. I think would have been too addicted to all of the wonderful possibilities online - I was a very connection-hungry kid. But that time to INCUBATE as an artist, to really spend a lot of time alone and improvising and being bored and finding ways to fill up space, that's what made me blossom creatively. It took SPACE. I'll be really interested to see what happens with the next generation. The ones who are more tempted to play guitar hero than play guitar. But once again, I don't think there's a "better" or "worse"....I think it might just be a breeding ground for a new type of artist."

from http://www.hypebot.com/hypebot/2009/07/interview-amanda-palmer.html hypebot.com, in an email interview.

As good an argument as any to get my butt off the computer and start writing/ reading critically... and pass my Alevels.

Alas, I am wraught with a terrible inertia. (excuses.)
And a bad "I have to finish this, so I'll pull an all-nighter" work ethic.
Have been sleeping 2-3 hours a night for the past three days, and running on $1 coffee. That might explain the jumpiness and extreme emotions.

Hello readers. I suppose now you're going to get a blow-by-blow account of my reactions to what is happening RE: hbp and my video on BestWishesFromNL.

I subbed for Jonneke yesterday on the channel, and it took a freaking NINE HOURS to upload and a lot of agonising but it's up and I'm so ~happy! Have to find synonyms for happy; I'm using it too much. Right. I feel lucky! delighted! joyful! ecstatic! glad! no not just glad but very very satisfied and um Ah Ha. I am THRILLED.

There's only 1 tiny problem: I can't bring myself to watch it. I mean after I've edited the video it's hard to watch myself once it's uploaded because it's so mortifying. The thought that other people have actually watched you... do stuff is so scary. [lack of vocabulary much?] Okay in short: I am embarrassed of myself.

And I find myself questioning, over and over and over again:
Was I in the right mind while doing this?
Do I need Prozac?
What the heck was I thinking?!
aaand ohmygoodness I can't believe people are actually watching this.

Am going to squee on the blog mostly, I think, because people in real life would go: "What's a nerdfighter?" And think I am crazy for screaming, happy-dancing and mock-fainting. Because that's what I was doing (embarrassingly) when I was watching HBP.

Speaking of HBP, *spoiler alert* did anyone catch the reference to the Parselmouths when Hermione is at dinner with Slughorn, and she's like: "My parents are dentists, that means they fix teeth." ?
From "What Kind of Name is Hermione?" :
Have you heard that her parents are dentists? (Dentists?)
That means they pick around in dirty muggles' teeth. (Ew!)

Okay on hindsight it may not be a reference, but if you actually watched the movie, slughorn's like: "Your parents are muggles?" And the whole table turns and stares at her.

And during the felix felicis part I just kept on thinking about the Harry and the Potters song!
There's a part where someone mentions "Slug Club", and I squealed aloud -_-' because then I thought of Scarhead and HatP.

After the movie Nat and I were chatting:

NAT: Did you see Snape? He was like: *scowls*
ME: More like *smoulders*. Did you see the part where he pushes draco up against the wall?

I was talking about all the smutty snape bits, and Nat (who is not the slashy type) had to shush me and go "That is not the focus! The point is his acting skills!"

I was a little disturbed by the part where Ginny goes to Harry: "Oh, shoelace." *bends down to tie it*
And then she rises, trying to keep as much eye contact with Harry as possible. It's so suggestive! No you have to go watch it's so funny.

After that it's "Merry Christmas, Harry." Loved the way Bonnie Wright delivered the line, packed with meaning and sadness and all. But... isn't this supposed to happen in DH? The part where Harry is leaving the Burrow and then Ginny invites him into her room and goes: "Here's your birthday present. *Snogs*"

Would jump at the chance to see it again, since geeru and michele haven't watched it yet. Will bring a notebook and write down all the references and nifty things I want to talk about.

[/edit] Amidst all the hype, I forgot to mention the ginny/harry kiss! For the record, it was so much better than the harry/cho one: quality trumps quantity. Just because cho got more action doesn't mean the scene was *good*-- there was no subtlety in the cho kiss, just a lot of "wow harry's first girlfriend wow better take your time!" The way ginny and harry kissed was more adult but they were more comfortable around each other, so you KNOW ginny's in it for the long run. Cho's kiss felt more like Harry liked the novelty of having a girlfriend-- very lavender brown, actually.

And! I absolutely adored Helena Bonham-Carter in this one-- she made bellatrix seem less like a bitch and more like a crazy person I'd make friends with. But she's not so much scary as schitzo, which might undermine her power/ meaness/ malice as a character.

--Reading Hayley's and Kristina's blogs, and Kayley's and alwayspureblood's videos, hence the intermittent commenting--

Think nat and I like the scriptwriter [Steve Kloves] this time because the lines were actually _good_ and packed with meaning. I mean within the constraints of a movie there's only so much you can say, but every line had a purpose. [comedic humour doesn't really count] Like you have to listen really carefully because the lines convey as much as they're supposed to, and more. It was also lovely that the first few bits of the movie were quoted word for word from the book, I kid you not.

Though. I sorely missed the King's Cross part; it was the scene I was looking forward to the most. Provides closure and everything. The underground scene at the beginning is a good effort to allude to King's Cross, though. OH I know why they couldn't do King's Cross-- they've renovated the station a lot, so it wouldn't look the same as Philosopher's Stone.

AHHHH

OH MY GOODNESS

OH

I THINK I'M GOING TO FAINT.

I come back from HBP, and there are a TON omg omg omg of new subscribers omgomg omg omgomg I haven't even read them yet.

There are 11 new emails in my gmail inbox, 7 of them are youtube-related, and I HAVE 5 NEW SUBSCRIBERS.

I mean on a good day I only get 1 or 2 youtube messages and they're mostly advertisements, or "come watch this!" and today ahh OMG I totally didn't expect such a reaction. !!! *so insanely excited*

OH MY GOODNESS this means I have viewers! Who actually watch!

I've never had viewers or readers before.

if you'll notice, the blogposts lately seem to be CAPS CAPS CAPS and are usually either intensely angry/ annoyed, or intensely excited, but I tend only to blog about exciting things. And this blog is mainly for ranting, and an outlet for fangirling. Will try to moderate my emotions somewhat.

Even though people who know me in real life think I'm dull, mild and boring. Psychoanalyse my blog! :D :D :D

The other day I was having an English lesson, and we were reading an essay about new media vs traditional media. The writer talks about the evolution of media in the introduction, and the following conversation ensues:

STUDENT: What is movable type?
TEACHER: Um, I don't know. Portable type, I guess?

Issue #1: !!! wtf The essay was talking about movable type in the 16TH CENTURY yeah there were PORTABLE TYPEWRITERS in the 16th century, right? I mean the sentence even mentioned "printing press"-- isn't that an anvil-sized hint that maybe portable typewriters wasn't what the author was referring to?

From wiki: "Movable type is the system of printing and typography that uses movable components to reproduce the elements of a document (usually individual letters or punctuation)."

MAYBE my classmate was just trying to kid the teacher. But still! Argh how can you be so ignorant. This is the reason why I so badly want/ need to be somewhere else.

Issue #2: I was too hesitant/ too stupid/ lacking guts to correct the teacher and say something to the contrary. Out of my class of 22, no one else bothered to correct her either. [but that is not the issue] The issue is that I should have more gumption to correct her. If people in the class genuinely didn't know what "movable type" meant, they would go home with the wrong impression, all because I was too lazy to say something. Really, I'm just a selfish, spiteful idiot.

I haven't posted in ages! To a certain extent I think twitter takes the place of this. For those of you not following me on twitter, I have NEWS.

I've won a book!!!! Extreme Kissing by Luisa Plaja, all thanks to Ink and Paper Specials' Sex in Teen Lit Month.

So there. In Yo Face.

(To detractors: yes a YA book isn't much, and a month dedicated to YA sometimes doesn't sound like very in-depth reading, but Sex and the way it is portrayed to teen readers is important. Partly because teen readers are so impressionable, and partly because adults/ readers in general want to make sure that young adults get the right information about sex: what it is and what it isn't.

And sometimes people have different ideas about what is "right information" for teens. Should there be graphic sex scenes? Should there be clear messages/ preaching in the book? What about abortion and safe sex?

Sex is also more than intercourse itself: in Sweet-Valley- High type novels, the "good girl" doesn't want it at all, but the "bad girl" does. Does that mean that girls shouldn't have the urge to have sex at all? Guys, also, do not just have One Thing and one thing only on their minds. )

Further Discussion! over at http://inkandpaperspecials.blogspot.com/

She only has 26 blog followers! So go follow. There are reviews of YA novels, interviews with YA authors, as well as discussions. (Jo, the reviewer, replies to most comments!) Ink and Paper Specials is also on twitter: http://twitter.com/jo_scrawls

Okay after I put the link to Sex in Teen Lit Month in the sidebar --->
(proper writeup for that in due time, I've got 15 min to do this post)

I feel that a more dignified blogpost is warranted! No silly rants about movies or wasted money. None 0f that frivolous, trite stuff. Today I am going to blog about something that is of grave importance.



*drumroll*




Oh my goodness I simply cannot wait!!!! *squee* Oh my goodness Oh how long have I waited for this movie to come out!

(YEAH boycotters, what are you going to do now, huh? When almost EVERYONE is squeeing and planning gatherings for the premiere in MAJOR CITIES. )

I cannot imagine that it's only a little more than one week to its release! Have been waiting and waiting and waiting since november when they postponed it, and even before that we were all waiting and WB released promo material already and they HAD to postpone it...

No matter! I am loyal to the fandom! (Not to mention to those in the film industry.) I will watch it! On the 16th of july! On the 15th if I can score tickets/ permission.

I will find someone to go with me! (Finally, the one potter thing where I know people in the area.) If YOU, lucky person, would like to go with me, I will be going on the evening of the 16th most probably. So comment! Email! elocin12@gmail.com and we will ~gather~ and fangirl/boy and squee. I will be taking video! So Be Warned.

The following is a extended rant/ complaint, so HEADS UP PEOPLE.

Argh I know this sounds selfish but I don't want to want Transformers 2. I mean REALLY? You really think I like watching movies of that nature? There's nothing good on and the reason why I don't watch movies in theatres because I hate wasting money on a horrible 2-3 hours. And argh I only spend when I KNOW the movie is going to be reasonably good, (haha this means I only watch 1-2 movies a year out of my own volition) which means I don't mind spending on HBP.

Yes I sound ridiculously poor but the cheapest movie ticket is $6 and that's on weekdays and I'd rather spend on bookmooch/ youswop postage or postage to friends than on MOVIES which are like consciously condemning yourself to a bad time. If you watch a crappy movie. I might be only talking like this because the last movie I saw was race to witch mountain, and I thought they'd stopped making movies with awful writing. But they didn't, so.

I am not willing to take the risk of Transformers turning out to be a cheesy, I-am-going-to-puke-movie. That's what I felt when I watched Witch Mountain. If the writing is horrible (which it probably will be) I swear I will walk out and go cd-hunting. No matter who I'm watching it with.

This is bordering on being pretentious but I _wanted_ to watch Hannah Montana which is practically the movie that tops B grade movies. This says volumes about my taste.

Oh great oh great I really don't want to spend my after-exam-time with lavender brown. I mean I keep thinking of all the post-midyears, and how incomparable they are to what I'm going to do tomorrow. 2 years ago I went out with charisse and michele shopping for SIX HOURS and I didn't regret/ dread it at all. And I never used to willingly go out with someone when I know I'm going to have an unpleasant time.

And then last year me and geeru went to the science centre after lunch with michele and nat. Although that sounds dorky, it was quite intriguing, and I had fun being defeatist with witty geeru who was nice enough to agree with my crazy ideas. I remember a conversation from that day-- we wanted to find out how to acquire a tourist map, in order to figure out where to go.

Okay tomorrow if I really hate it I can fake sick and go make/ edit videos and acquire books and everything will be better.

Another something on Hard Work by Orson Scott Card:

"How about opportunity? The great geniuses of the home computer revolution all seemed to be born at around the same time -- three or four years after me. (Which is fine -- I wouldn't have been in the running because I didn't care enough.)

What was so magical about 1954 and 1955? Because these kids were coming of age at precisely the time when computers transitioned from punch cards to terminals with screens. Instead of carrying your computer program in a shoebox, it was stored electronically, and you could change it on a screen.

So if you were just as smart, and just as in love with computers, but were already out of college as a punch-card computer programmer, the revolution took place under your nose -- but you weren't really part of it. And if you were just as smart, etc., but were born three years later, when you got to the party the punch was already gone.

But it's more than talent, and more than luck. How about 10,000 hours?

The number is approximate, but that's about how much practice and work the "geniuses" put into their careers to take them over the threshold into the big leagues.

Sure, there's some natural talent or aptitude. But then comes decision time -- are you going to really do this, or just continue plinking around at it?

Musicians. Painters. Writers. Mathematicians. Computer programmers. Game designers. Actors. Singers. They don't sit around feeling good about themselves and building up their self-esteem. They do the work. They put in the time.

I didn't even know I was going to be a writer. I was in drama, not writing. But I sat there, hour after hour, filling notebooks with play scripts or short stories or essays. I was a writer, whether I thought of that as my career or not.

And I put in my ten thousand hours.

It's like I tell novice writers. You learn more from writing a 100,000-word novel than from any number of classes. (Except, of course, the ones I teach.) (OK, I was including them as well.)

I also tell my students that every writer has to produce ten thousand pages of pure drivel. Some people have to write all ten thousand pages before they produce anything good. Some of us are luckier and get to have our lousy pages spread out over our whole career, so we can be earning money along the way.

Talent? Sure -- any amount of it above a certain threshold.

Opportunity? Absolutely -- grab it when you see it.

Hard work? Essential. As Gladwell makes clear, nobody gets to the top of any creative field without working at it until they simply know things that other people can't even guess at. "

Putting it in because heh motivation is sorely needed-- Chem (my first paper) is in 4 days! So, if I want to go anywhere and get out and away... I need decent A levels. And decent A levels requires one to be able to answer questions, but I can't do that :( Practice, my friends, is in order.

This is not the time to be whining about subject combinations, Nicole!!! You picked what you wanted to do, so stick with it. Be grateful you don't have any papers on monday or friday. Stop reading amandapalmer's tweets! Is she going to help you pass chem???

Back! From week-long hibernation.

During the WLC (World Leadership Conference) there was a recurring conversation:

FRIEND: Are you planning to go to a university in singapore?
ME: No not really. *mumbles something about expanding horizons*
FRIEND: So where would you like to go to university?
ME: Um. The UK?
FRIEND: Any particular universities in mind?
ME: Um mm uh Melbourne Uni if I can get the scholarship?
[Yes, melb is kind of not in the UK but I've said that New South Wales was in WALES, so you understand my aptitude in geography.]
FRIEND: Oh okay.

So friends! Naturally I embark on a quest to find The University.
A vietnamese friend who went to the conference goes to Wesleyan University, so I google it, and do the campus tour and all that jazz. To find out about what other people thought about it, I tried collegeboard.com, and then I see this amazing academic program called Semester at Sea. So I google that, and I found this!

SEA Semester is this exciting program in Woods Hole, MA. You get to earn 17 college credits while spending a semester of college there, plus actually sail and learn to man[?] a working ship. You spend a few weeks on shore first, attending classes, and then about 3 weeks at sea carrying out an independent research project. When I first read it I was like [!!!] I would kill to be able to earn academic credits while doing fieldwork and learning about conservation, sustainability, genetic anthropology and the like.

It sounds a lot like what I did in wales-- fieldwork, testing your own hypotheses, understanding the significance of the tests you're conducting, getting to be up close with intertidal organisms etc. There is a large variety of programs they're offering:

"Ocean Exploration takes an interdisciplinary approach that combines data and insights from oceanography, the humanities and social sciences, and public policy – together with practical skills in nautical science – so students can develop a broad understanding of the sea."
You take courses like Oceanography, Nautical Science and Maritime Studies.

Aaand in Maritime Studies you get to do Maritime Literature, which I hope is what the kid says in the video about NOVELS about sailing like The Old Man and the Sea, because then I would squee! It's like... studying The Great Gatsby before going to NYC or doing something like Wuthering Heights or Rebbecca or even Brideshead Revisited before visiting an English estate complete with country and moors and things. Ahh omg I can't imagine earning credits for this.

and then there's "SEA Semester: Oceans and Climate provides an unequaled opportunity for undergraduate science students to study the place of the oceans in one of the pivotal scientific questions of our time – global climate change."

If I want to do this I have to do a science major, but I shouldn't base my decision on SEA Semester because I might not even get in (25 people per program; there are only so many people that can fit on a sailing ship) but still! It's a good reason, right, to do a science major? Ach the non-science majors I would take might be political science or sociology, but sometimes when I choose my major I think: I would like to be able to take philo classes along with ecology and environmental studies; there is so much that I do not know o_o but that's for another blog post.

Anyway in SEA Semester: Oceans and Climate there's a Oceanographic Research Techniques course which means I'll get to do fieldwork!! :D And look at plankton samples and intertidal organisms... there's a wide range, with [acoustic measurements of water flow] as one of the research options, which is very physics. Exciting exciting

When you look at the pictures, also, the ships they're sailing are REAL ships, with sails and masts and everything. Not like lame cruise ships/ yachts with no sails. The sails are so Dawn Treader, right? Go go look at the pictures. There's a part where Lucy leans off the bowspirit and looks at the merpeople and sometimes Reepicheep goes up to the crow's nests and the rain will fall on deck like a real STORM, just like in Dawn Treader! If you don't know what I'm talking about, it's just a lot like Pirates of the Caribbean.

eee it would be lovely to go. Really exciting. And there is TRAVEL involved! And managing on your own! And no cellphone signals or internet in the middle of the OCEAN. (Onboard computers are only for research purposes) You're just left alone to do your research and work and let the sea inspire you. Talk about isolation! :D The ship also docks at places like Bahamas, Cuba, and Jamaica, and you get to go onshore to visit.

Has anyone read Troubling a Star by Madeline L'engle? It sounds A LOT like that, with the lectures and sense of community.

omg omg omg LOOK at the hbp posters in a nyc subway station!

I love this photo: http://www.flickr.com/photos/33124343@N07/3619082336/in/set-72157619574502635/

and and alan rickman and tom felton look so hot in this one!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/33124343@N07/3618314885/in/set-72157619574502635/

*fangirls* I seriously CAN'T WAIT.
Especially with the stupid 7-month delay and all, and the trailer excitement... I can only be patient for so long!
*squee*
I think I'll have to catch up with mugglecast, pottercast, and snapecast.

In Neil Gaiman's blog it says that he and amanda palmer are dating and it is so !!! exciting. I mean they are both awesome people who produce things that are macabre, fantastical and intriguing-- I wonder if this will lead to more creative collaborations, like the coffeetable book.
Yes. Like a selfish, impersonal fan, their creations are the only things I'm worrying about.

Talking about the tabs I'm being led to here-- so neil gaiman links to kyle cassidy, the photographer of Who Killed Amanda Palmer, and I'm reading his lj. There's a post that talks about the value of hard work in a different way, and it kind of makes me hopeful that One Day I could volunteer at a harry potter conference or One Day I could be at an anthropological excavation site and discover something exciting or One Day I could be studying succession along the eroding coastline of south africa. As in if I really really want something and I really work hard at getting at it and looking out for opportunities the chances of me getting it are higher.

There's a similar trend of thought in on the nerdfighter blog by alan lustufka (fallofautumndistro) that talks about working at building up one's audience.

It's not that I've never heard about the value of hard work before, but to hear it from people I respect and admire puts another spin on it. Honestly though, who else to learn the value of hard work than from people whose jobs I would kill to have, and from people who have put in years of effort to get where they are?

another gaiman/palmer link: http://kylecassidy.livejournal.com/469136.html (watch the video!)

Kyle Cassidy quote: (taken from the comments of the post with the gaiman/palmer video)

"i can truly say that it doesn't capture the moment. it merely proves that it happened. it might have been lack of sleep, it might have been wearing the same clothes for a week ... it might have been a lot of things, all on top of one another ... but it was a Very Special Moment that i don't think can ever be explained or quantified.

sadly. because part of me would like to reach out and grasp it from time to time. but that's the lazy part. the rational part of me realizes that every day should be better than the one before. and we march onward -- trusting in sweat and luck. the harder we work, the luckier we are."

Right gtg offline now to attempt to cancel the effects of my mooning (WHAT was I thinking?!) and to make it for the WLC tomorrow. I need to remember to bring my camera!

[/edit] And I thought teenage girls were the only ones who did blogged in white font or small undecipherable letters. Blog link here: http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2009/06/edinburgh-in-august.html Picture here: http://twitpic.com/7acx7

hello I just have to say after catching up on google reader-- reading sam's sydney's mustard rabbit's hailee's and kristina's blogs-- I feel happy and convinced that the World has promise and hope and All Is Not Lost. :D *happy*

like the mario kart love song. ahh I can't link it now because I'm in school and you can't get youtube but if you watch meekakitty you'll know or try searching it on youtube? Trust me it's wonderful and pretty.

Realised that I could embed a video by just going to someone else's blog with a video embedded and clicking "view source". >( all the fuss for nothing.

I only know this because of a puzzle game I played in sec 1/ primary 6 in which they give you the first page and you have to find the url to the next, and sometimes clues will be in "view source". It was like thisisnottom, for the nerdfighters reading this.

--since the days I played the puzzle game, (for the life of me I cannot remember what it was called! former classmates you played it too... remind me?) I have realised they have made the source code (correct me if I'm using the wrong term) coloured 8D I'm using internet explorer 8, if that makes any difference. However, the coloured source code DOES make a difference! It is so much easier to read. Like technicolour. --- [anyone watching Joseph, by the way?]

okay I hope this works.

[/edit] view source didn't work; will try to trawl for the crack way. In the meantime, here's the link


Above song made me feel like I was being swept up into the teen movement where you go out and buy cool clothes and go to cool concerts and listen to cool music and adopt the attitude of the times.

Back to the last post! On Writing.

I think I would like to start writing again, but D: in my head I just know it's going to turn out horribly cliched, like all teenage writing [yes yes stereotype] And I've written too many book review- like things which attempt to be witty and have Structure as opposed to Style, if I were to write fiction or poetry. Ahh how how how I don't know how to BEGIN. The moment I start putting pen to paper out comes these horrible horrible things that are dredged up from the recesses of my mind that should not be allowed to see the light of day, ever.

Maybe I should write some pretentious parody/ humor thing that won't be so pressurising because people are _meant_ to laugh at it. As opposed to writing something that will be laughed at but is supposed to be serious. (I laugh at serious writing all the time. It's the Seasoned Critic in me. ) I don't mind doing art-critic type things where you can cattily flame somebody or fangirl another and sound pretty clever doing it, without even trying.

Meep I guess if I continue to stay within my comfort zone of doing editorial-like things-- which don't sound much different from blogposts, actually-- I won't be learning anything new. Challenge is a good thing! You learn from it and gain skills and are better equipped for the next challenge! So I will do it! I will, um, write a short story by next monday! okay you know when I say these things I NEVER do them but uh hope? And a REWARD. hmm. I like rewards.

Someone go out with me next week! And politely decline my invitation if the writing is not produced. I don't know.
oh yes Shopping. I will ask someone out and we will go shopping and I will stop wearing clothes I wore when I was 12.

Whenever I lack the motivation, I will remind myself of judy garland's love poems she wrote when she was 18. No offence to a lovely voice, but she wrote some pretty b-grade poetry, I can tell you. Reading her biography right now, hence the reference. I didn't know there was more to her than dorothy gale before reading it. After looking up wikipedia, I now know that she was a gay icon (yay!) and took speed. (felicia's drug of choice, by the way)

This song appeared in my head during the 2-hour marathon bio lecture. Actually when I say it, it doesn't sound long, but it felt long because it was hard to grasp a lot of the details of dna transcription. And I was woefully confused. Back to my trusty colourful bio book!

arrgh I don't know how to embed youtube videos when the code isn't there! And it isn't there for a lot of the videos that I want to embed D: but on the nerdfighter blog and the maureen johnson blog they can embed ANYTHING and it's easier to watch the videos/ know what they are referring to straightway. I'm sure there's a crack way to do this for videos whose uploaders don't want it to be distributed.

um. Yes when I looked up kimiko glenn, who plays Thea in the touring cast of spring awakening, I saw that she went to _Interlochen_ and went to look that up again, and thought that I would die to go to a place like that. It is so incredibly awesome and crazy but O_O in a good way. {realise the extent of my eloquence at this point} oh dear and then what did I spend my formative years doing?? I feel so pathetic, and talentless. Actually I really am pathetic and talentless... but you know that already. Those people are so amazing technically and to be able to go to a school like that and focus and cultivate your talent is an enormous opportunity.

Then I started thinking about my Creative Writing (that I used to do when I was in primary school and more hardworking than I am now) and what would have happened if I went to a place like that. That if I'd worked harder at actually writing and creating a proper portfolio I might have had a chance. So I'm here thinking "missed opportunity" and aw shucks. Which brings me to the conversation I had with a friend the other day:

LOVELY FRIEND: So why aren't you in the Creative Writing Club?
ME: I think that... I'm too old to write.
LF: How can you be too old to write? You're only 17-- what would have happened if [famous author] decided to stop writing at 17?

And her argument is supremely valid, because of course john green and all the writers whose blogs I read started nurturing their writing abilities from the minute they knew how to form a sentence, and if they just gave up at 17 we wouldn't be able to read what they have written today.

So yeah it's kind of like a pity, as she says, that I have stopped. I mean the last time I did anything of that kind was at that summer programme with Harold V. Crick, which was... one and a half years ago. And I haven't written anything since then. Except an epic elegy mourning lost love that is drawn out and excruciating like the "seventy times seven" bit in the beginning of wuthering heights. And a couple book reports for munny. i.e. the newspaper sends me movie passes and I pawn them off on youswop to get something I actually want; they are too poor to send actual money.

Anyway. I think I stopped writing because I thought that I sucked compared to my peers. You know when you're a kid everyone thinks you're precocious and showers praise and everything but when you get older they kind of expect it from you, and if you don't give it, it's like :( I thought I was lousy. And gave up. And was too lazy to do anything about it or attempt to work harder at it because I thought any effort would be useless since everybody's so much more adept than me. This inferiority complex-thing.

Arggh and now that I think of it, it's so dumb to give up because why should anyone tell you that you aren't good enough? I mean it's ok for someone to tell you that, but that shouldn't stop you from trying again. Even if your writing sucks, if you work at it and take constructive comments (oddly, the internet is a good place for this) you will get better. Or at least more tailored to people's tastes and be able to sell yourself/ make money out of it. Like Nora Roberts. But that's another story.

meek I have these points but they are jumbled up in my head and it's 2.25am and I can't sleep in math ==== Will continue tomorrow. Feel free to spam if I don't.

Today I went for a long car ride and to the supermarket, and felt dizzy and faint from over stimulation.

... I need to get out more.

um. I have concluded that the main reason for wanting to go to university somewhere else is because I want to be physically separated from my parents.

This is the dumbest and most immature reason there is, but no matter how many times I think it over, it always comes up at the top.
It is also not saying anything about my sensibility or rationality either.
Not that I am known for being rational.

icky ick I can't stand it here I need to get away and the mindless gay marriage/ sex education debate that's making the rounds is just making it worse.
Though I understand the religious reasons for it. And I can see the need for the government to be diplomatic about everything, since asian/ traditional values are still very fundamental to the framework of our society, and they are interwoven with the community. eg mendaki, singapore hokkien association help people find jobs and do things like meals on wheels and financial assistance.

I just can't stand the drivel I'm being made to hear, about people saying that being gay is just an inclination and that it can be "conditioned". There's this adult I know who says that it is the parent's fault if the child is gay because the parent has spoiled the child and has been too indulgent. There's also this general view that people are being gay because of single parent families.

And URGH the thing I hate most is that people can't tell being transgendered from being gay, or rather differentiate between wanting to be a member of the opposite gender and liking someone of the same gender.

There are SO MANY misconceptions and it's so disappointing.

I mean when I hear this I'm like: ohmygoodness how can people even come to these conclusions why are they oversimplifying things and urgh treating lgbtqs like freaking aliens!

And I increasingly want to leave for greener pastures.