hee. this is the kind of chick I wanted to be when I was 11:

On an unrelated note, sometimes I have the creepy feeling that my friends will end up saying these things to me. And we will fall out. After I've done the whole passive-aggressive act, of course.

It's not that I don't trust my friends enough not to do this, I'm just afraid that one day they will decide that they have "grown up" and hence have to make the "practical" decision. There are 2 things at stake if this happens:

1) the relationship between me and hypothetical friend

2) ideals

For one, I would really really like to hang on to this relationship, because the person I'm thinking about is absolutely important to me, and I don't want to have to fall out because of a clash of ideals. Secondly I'm worried that by not listening, I'll be doing the stupid, stubborn, immature thing. Or I might just not listen out of spite. As in I'm worried about being so single-minded that I would make the risky but appealing decision instead of the safe but boring one.

I don't know. People have been threatening that if I don't make the right choice, I will be broke and unemployed. I'm grateful that I've been fortunate enough not to understand what being poor means, but it also means that I have no idea what will await me if I really get in trouble. Heck, I don't even know what "trouble" means.

My mum says it will be hard for me to live without the comforts, i.e. theater/ concerts, vacations, expensive stuff. But her definition of "comfortable", in local terms, means having a car, private apartment, maybe a club membership. I could do without a car. I can't even drive, and most of my car money (if I had money) would go towards college, so that's out of the question. I'm also too much of an idiotic tree-hugger to buy a car and pay for petrol, anyway.

I don't know what a club membership is useful for, except for investment purposes. This is unrelated, but I don't like the people at the clubs, ever since I was small. The kids and the parents are the same. All that's important is to keep up appearances, and to make sure people know you have enough money to go overseas after your O levels. Once you're at school overseas, you can party all you want and major in psychology, so that you can tell people you've got a Degree, although really you've learnt absolutely nothing at all. Also, it's very important to be able to socialise with the right people and get into the right places and go to the fancy dinners.

Back to the point. Although it greatly simplifies things if I just study what I'm interested in finding out more about, the people around me are more concerned with my future, with what I do after I finish uni. For my parents, whatever I do has to make enough money so I am able to support myself, which in my dad's opinion means something professional: medicine/ law/ architecture/ engineering. But there are tons of people who aren't doing the above, and they are getting along just fine-- I suppose we have differing opinions as to what "supporting oneself" means.

If all else fails I could do tuition-- it's practically an industry of its own. It pays better than waiting tables.