hello.

We're off from school today, in lieu of the labour day public holiday.

My sister is mad at me for unplugging her ipod from the macbook.

She's watching E! entertainment reruns now.

Sometimes on days off school she turns on the TV, and it wakes me up... at 11am xD

But not today. I woke up at 7 today, a little later than usual.

Latest music craze:

decided to look them up after they toured with amanda palmer in europe, and I like them! They sound like a combination of the Ting Tings and The XX. Crappy comparisons due to the lack of exposure to dance/ alt music. But they're nice when you need to drown things out.

I was thinking about this last night:

The reason why was so adverse to shrinks (still am) is because I don't want them to know anything about me.

ME: I hate it when shrinks try to probe and find *something* to talk about.

DARRAN: Isn't it their JOB to do that?

And I suppose it is. But I hate it. I hate it when someone I completely don't know asks so many questions (which I usually try to avert with small talk) and sometimes jumps to conclusions, eg: "Let's see if her parents shout a lot, or shout at her a lot, or shout at her dog a lot." Or "Does she have a WORKING MOM, the biggest sin of the 21st century? She does? Jackpot!"

I didn't spend years building an iron fortress 3 feet thick complete with a freaking moat for nothing, you know. The walls are there for a reason, and I don't want just anybody to get in. Once someone penetrates the wall, it's over. You can't go back, because it's out and fixing it will be no use because after the first time, they'll always have the key. Sometimes mercenaries are necessary, or extra fortifications, depending on who I'm talking to. With shrinks, of course, defenses are out in full force.

I just find it very dangerous and scary to tell everything to someone I've just met. And of course sometimes, depending on the kind of shrink you get, he/ she will be able to say "Oh, we haven't gotten anywhere today" or "We'll see you next time, eh?"

However, recently I had to go for a compulsory 4 sessions with a counselor, and at the last session, (oddly) I kind of realised what counselors were for. She was less probing than the others, and didn't mind if I just talked small talk. But for the first 3 sessions I always felt uncomfortable talking to her and it just felt awful, and the whole time I keep thinking-- I have FRIENDS, why do I have to talk to YOU. But then at the last one, I think it helped because she helped me think of things in a different way, you know, an alternative perspective, and she wasn't too bothered about "getting somewhere". Or "making progress", in shrink terms.

And "shrink" as mentioned, multiple times here, refers to a counselor/ therapist/ psychiatrist, but I've only ever been to a counselor.