Amanda Palmer recommended this kid who was at a college music summer school in her area: http://bit.ly/d6j8rU

He's Tristan Allen, and he's basically insane at the piano, does MUSIC PRODUCTION/ SYNTH, and is 17.

Looking at this reminds me how I am basically an asshat with a very big mouth. The people from twitter who live in Singapore all have a Thing, which means they write, have websites, make music etc. I can't do ANYTHING. I can't write fiction, most of the time I spend on the internet now is just being smart-alecky on twitter, or making vlogs. As in, ANYONE can make a vlog. Anyone can turn on a camera and talk about himself. That action in itself is almost disgustingly narcissistic; I don't see how anyone can be entertained by it. (okay I watch people like meekakitty and wheezywaiter and the vlogbrothers vlog, but that's different. They're funny.)

I mean ok I have a thing with vlogging: I don't see any concrete artistic value in it. You put in minimal effort and afterwards you have this product that you can't exactly be proud of, because you didn't even try to make it good, you know? It's not like with a review or one of the videos I took longer to make, and even with those things-- I'm just being critical of someone else's work, and going all smart assery on it.

And then afterwards with my videos, after I'm done editing, I can't watch them again. I can't imagine that I put this shit up and expect people to watch, because the videos suck so bad. But I don't want to take it down because I've spent 2 hours straight editing, and with harder videos it takes more than 1 session, so it would be effort gone to waste. With editing I really like the fact that you have the power to make everything perfect and the timing spot on, which is why it takes so long.

People ask; "So do you write?" and I can't say anything. Then they're like: "So how did you get to know the nanowrimo people?" "I'm just a fan idiot who reads F&SF." Which is akin to saying that you put yourself within the ranks of Stephen Fry because you watch television.

I just feel that I've spent the last few years of my life doing... nothing. At the end of this I have no skills, I'm not particularly good in anything but I'm interested in everything; I'm not even good at academic things. This is a direct result of spending all your free time reading. People say to get better at video making I have to make more videos, but it's not something I can manage right now, especially with prelims. Videos of reasonable quality need scripts, locations, different angles, daytime lighting, time to edit... I really should work on it once the As are over.

This leads sensible adults to ask the question: "What are you doing this for? Isn't this a whole waste of time? Shouldn't you be spending time after your Alevels doing your college reading?" (My mum suggested starting university in JANUARY because she thought I would waste the 8 months I'm out of school.)

"Do you think this would, in any way, help in furthering your career?"

Which is a good question, really, because nowadays no one does anything that wouldn't look good on a resume. I'm not even intending to study film in university because I don't want to give up on fieldwork opportunities in environmental biology.

And people will be like: "Will this pay your bills?" Which is, as we all know, the question of all questions. Let's be honest. Most of my peers are going to university to be able to earn a higher salary. If you spent all that money on your college education and you're not going to be able to reap the returns of your investment in the future, university would be a fruitless exercise.

I don't want to agree with that last statement :( In an ideal world where I don't need to repay my parents in student debt, I would major in theatre studies and get an MFA in film. I'm seriously considering going to a liberal arts college and then getting an MFA in film afterwards, but I think I'll need to fund the MFA myself, because my parents would flip.

Although. Viewing university as an investment is completely valid, because afterwards when you're trying to pay back your student loans when you're 30, you'll want to be able to feel that university was worth all the money. Also sometimes you can't afford to spend money on university without full knowledge that you will be capitalising on this opportunity to earn a higher salary.

I'll probably come back to this in the future. Maybe it's just me and my annoying tic of having to compare myself with *anyone* who's the same age as I am.