past volunteering

I've been blogging on this platform since I was 11. (that sounds more impressive than saying 10 years. I don't know. whichever.) fuck. has it been 10 years? jeez. I started hpzlotrz when I was in p5. That's 2003.

I just. Okay so I watch this


and jack conte describes how he worked 19 hour days, for weeks to make this video. And in the comments he says that it isn't work, because he likes it so much.

I don't know what I like. I don't know at all. There's nothing that I like.
When I just finished JC I knew what I liked. I liked volunteering at arts events. Admittedly I got a bit bored at M1 Fringe. But I still liked volunteering. And I started again in april 2012, on BABEL, and I liked that. I resented the long hours, but I still liked it. Then Bum Bum Train in august, for a few months. That was the longest time I'd ever been involved in a project. I enjoyed that. But towards the end I knew I wanted some compensation and I didn't really feel like turning up. Then SWF 2012 just because I wanted something to occupy my time. That's when I really felt it. That's when I realised I didn't want to do it anymore, for no pay. I wasn't the same person I was in 2009, I'd experienced things, things changed, I didn't like it. I even did Literally 9 in March 2013. That was the last straw. I thought I would like it, but I didn't. It didn't help that we were scheduled to be outside venues and we couldn't really watch things.

Things that I don't like about volunteering:

1. not being able to see the performance. You don't understand what you're volunteering _for_.

2. not being paid. I don't know; a part-time commitment is fine, but not for bum bum train or BABEL hours. it's dumb. every day for 8-10 hours. I liked that I got $110 worth of kino vouchers from SWF though, that was nice. And food.

3. Doing things that I have done before. It's not satisfying, or stretching, to be doing things you've done before. Or doing the same thing over and over again. I think after a while it's helpful to switch people around in volunteer/ entry level positions every now and again. Helps with boredom, and makes you feel like you're learning something or acquiring new skills.