I can't forget about how my mum brought up the fact that she thinks my aunt "laughs at me for going to leakycon" and I had to spend the weekend with said aunt and family, and they didn't laugh at me about it, but they kept on asking me about it. They asked how long I was going to be there, what I was going to do there... etc. I don't get how it's so big of a deal. It's none of their business.  

I feel guilty for going, because of the money, but if my mum didn't make me take summer school along with going to the con, I would have been able to pay for the whole trip on my own. But the thing about my mum is that she says "oh money is not a problem", then she says it's "a waste of money" if I fly there just for the con... I don't understand her logic at all. The tuition for taking summer classes is way more than the flight, and then I have to pay rent for two places at once, my room in London and the room I'm going to be in in chicago.

The other day I was skyping to her and she went, "oh, why don't you think about transferring to university of chicago next year?" just because of the rankings. I convinced her out of it, but it seems like she's so detached from everything. She doesn't seem to understand that transferring to a school in a WHOLE OTHER COUNTRY is more than just buying a plane ticket and leaving. And then she tells me that I have to come back to "reality" and harry potter is just "an imaginary world" and that I have to "grow up", and stop going to cons. I don't know what reality she lives in, where you can transfer to any school you like, in any city. She doesn't even remember the name of leakycon, she just calls it "wikileaks" because it sounds the same. 

I don't hate my mum. I just wish she could keep her thoughts to herself about how "everyone" will laugh at me. I got so angry at her the last time that I had to hang up on skype, and I felt guilty for doing that. I would understand where she was coming from if she had to pay for my trip, but she doesn't. I don't get it. 

Maybe things would be better if I had a more communicative relationship with my mum. Though I don't think it is possible. I tried not telling her about me going to the convention, but she found out about it through my aunt, because I'd told her. Then my dad told my mum. I did bring it up when my parents came to visit in december, but I hadn't updated them since then and they didn't think I was serious about going. I didn't tell my mum because I knew she would tell me not to go, and I would feel guilty. Hypothetically I could completely disregard my parents and not call them at all, and just go without telling my mum. But I didn't do that. I call my family at least once a week.

I can't bring up the fact that I'm going to leakycon to have fun and see friends. It would be a reason for her to tell me not to go. She thinks it's a waste of money to do that. I can't even tell her about my friends, because she will say "don't spend so much time going out", "don't hang out with those kind of people", "don't drink", "don't go to those places", "that's a sleazy place, don't go there". So I don't tell her about a lot of my personal life. I feel that that would put me in more trouble.

I don't know how to phrase this post so that I sound like I'm trying to have a better relationship with my mum, or to make you understand how my mum does not believe in spending money on "fun", but it's okay to spend lots of money on summer classes that will not even contribute to my degree. She thinks it looks better on my CV. The only thing that I think my summer classes say about me is that I'm a silly rich kid who doesn't need the job that they're applying for. 

Relating to this, I get super ticked off whenever someone asks me if I'm out to my parents now, because it feels like a "progress" thing. Like I'm not fully mature as an lgbt person if I haven't come out to my parents. I just feel out of place, because most of my queer friends at uni are out to their parents, and I feel like this rebellious child for not coming out to my parents. Coming out or not is a personal choice, and you have to understand _my_ parents, or asian parents, before thinking that coming out is part of growing up. I don't even talk about my personal life with my parents, they don't think very highly of me as it is, why would I tell them that I'm gay and give them another reason to look down on me?