hello world.

My name is Nicole.
I am queer.
I just fucked up my first year of university and I have to repeat it.
I'm now doing summer school at this big university in the US and I'm not doing the work for it, because I feel like crap. I complained to my family that I was having trouble finishing the work and they just looked annoyed and disappointed and my sister told me to "speed-read". I don't feel capable of doing anything.
I haven't told my mum that I fucked up my first year.
I am turning 20 in august.
I am a life model.
I just traveled halfway across the world to go to a harry potter convention, and to see this girl that I like a lot.
She may not like me back.
I waited 9 months to see her for something that may or may not happen.
I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
I don't have any pets.
I am not living independently, but off my parent's money. I paid for the flight, hotel and registration to LeakyCon with my own money from working. Mum is paying for my summer school, because she insisted on me going.
I was studying anthropology. I have no idea what I'm going to do after my degree. My original plan was to do an MA, and decide after that. But with my current track record, I'm not even sure if my parents will continue funding my study in London or if they are willing to fund an MA in social anthropology or a related field.
I am not actively trying to make friends at this summer school because doing something for the sake of socializing stresses me out. I also never manage to finish the reading assigned for each lesson. The other kids in my class do. I think I am stupid. My parents asked if I had made any friends when I called. I said no. That I'm expected to make friends stresses me out.
I don't want to go to school anymore. I am sick of school. I don't want to go to school for at least 3 years. I think I will work in those 3 years, and do an entry-level service job.
I don't think I am suited for school. I was supposed to repeat J1, then J2. I had to take my A levels twice. I took my SATs 3 times. I got accepted into a uni in the UK, where they don't even look at my SAT scores. I don't know why I took them.