you see I COULD just not go to the classes and spend all my parents' money on shopping or partying or whatever while I'm in chicago, but I'm not doing that. I have not skipped a single class in the 1.5 weeks I'm here. That's a record, considering how much shit we have to do for each class and how far I'm falling behind/ have already fallen behind.

but there was a paper due 15 minutes ago and I don't think I'll submit it till 12 tonight or something. I also haven't put a question on the discussion board, as instructed. Reasons: I haven't finished the novel we were supposed to finish last week. I'm only halfway through the novel we're doing this week. The paper questions are on the novel we did last week and the novel we did this week. I am fucking screwed. I have not read either novel closely enough to answer the prompts. The prompts are nothing like what we've talked about in class. I have taken notes on what we've been doing in class, but they don't really help.

I don't want to do the paper because I have no idea what to write about, and it's 4-6 pp, which, according to ask.com, is 1000 words. I have trouble writing 1000 words on a normal basis, much less in a few hours. I don't know where the fuck he gets the prompts from, tbh.

I don't want to do the paper and I don't want to go to classes I don't want to do the reading because I'm so far behind.

I hate going to class because sometimes I'm lost because I haven't done the reading. I haven't done the reading because I have crap time management and I spend most of my day sitting around feeling sorry for myself. I don't know how the hell other people finish the reading. I am frustrated.

I am not academically inclined at all and I'm not meant for this I can't cope ok there's a reason why all the colleges/universities that I applied to last year rejected me.

I don't want to go to school anymore.

I don't know how to write this paper or where to start and I have a strange feeling that if I just sat at home and didn't go to class and made my own notes on the novel I would have had more success with these fucking prompts than if I actually went to class. I don't want to go to class anymore we're supposed to talk in class fuck that. I didn't say anything in class last lesson because I had nothing of worth to contribute to the discussion and I have talking-in-class issues that I've had ok and it just makes me anxious. I'm sitting in class being anxious about the fact that I haven't finished the reading and the need to talk just makes me more anxious and if I get too anxious I will have to walk out of the class and I don't really want to do that.

I don't care if this is a good university or not. The credits I'm getting from this won't mean anything. It won't contribute to my degree in london. I don't even want to go to a "good" university. I don't want to go to university anymore. I don't care. It doesn't matter. I'm sick of school I'm lousy at it what is the point of investing so much money into a lost cause I don't understand.